Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Elizabeth stood looking out the window. There was a far away look in her bright blue eyes. She seemed to be lost in thought. Her long, blonde hair was up in its usual style; a ponytail and she wore her usual loose clothing, hiding the average body underneath.

She had never been very happy with her body. The glasses on her face were falling off and she didn’t even realize it. She’d wore them for years. They were almost like an extended part of her face. Her heart was very heavy today.

Elizabeth had class in a few hours but that part of the world seemed so far away right now. It should be a time of happiness for her but it was bittersweet. Elizabeth, at eighteen, was in her first year of college and the future ahead should look bright but something was standing in the way.

It threatened to change her life forever and there was a strong chance that her dream of becoming a music teacher would never come true. Everyone’s lifestyle was hanging in the balance. There were times that she wondered if their life would ever change for the better.

So many bad things had happened to them and none of it had been quite fair. Her family had been through so much in the last few years and there would be more to deal with in the very near future. They had been so happy once upon a time but then everything had suddenly changed for them.

She missed the happy, carefree days that were gone forever and had been gone for a long time. It had started with the death of her father two years earlier and their dream life was gone just like that. There was no happy ending in sight either. She sighed at the thought of him.

He’d been such a wonderful father to them all. Today was the second anniversary of his death. Her eyes still filled with tears at the thought of him two years later. His death had been so sudden and unexpected. Her parents had just celebrated their twentieth wedding anniversary.

A few days afterwards he was gone. There had been no warning that their life was about to change. The heart attack came out of nowhere and there was nothing they could do to bring him back. He had never regained conscious and there were no last words.



Their whole world fell apart after that. It was as if nothing good would ever happen again. She didn’t think that it was fair that he had to leave them. He was still so young too. Her mother would have to raise four children all by herself.

Elizabeth, who was only sixteen at the time, had grown up quickly after her father’s death. Her mom had depended on her to help with the other kids and Elizabeth had found it difficult at first. Her free time was very limited after their father’s death.

Jennifer and Edward, who were twelve and fourteen at the time, understood what was going on. Michael, the baby of the family, was only a year old when he died and didn’t understand anything that was happening.

It was hard for him to understand that his daddy was gone forever. They’d had so little time together and he would never really know his father. Her little brother was missing out on such a wonderful father and he didn’t even know it.

She especially missed having a father around. He’d always made sure to spend time with them every day and she missed that. Elizabeth could feel tears running down her cheeks as she thought about his wake and funeral. The church had been packed with people.

Her father’s law firm had helped a lot of people over the years and he was well liked by everyone. She couldn’t imagine the world without him around. He was the best father a girl could have. Their family had always been close.

It had been just the five of them for a long time. Michael was their surprise baby but he was a welcome addition to their family. Her mom had been past her fortieth birthday when she got pregnant with him and it had definitely been a surprise.

It was a rough pregnancy and they decided to get her tubes tied after his birth. Elizabeth often wondered why their lives had to change. There were so many questions that had no answers. They had been forced to sell the firm a few months after his death.

There had been so many expenses and there was no way they could keep it. The extra money it brought to the household was still helping them. It was a sad day when they had to sign it over to someone else. Her dad had started it from scratch eight years earlier.

He’d been so proud to have his name on it and it had grown over the years. In the beginning it was very small but by the time he died there were six lawyers working for him. There had been other money after his death as well.

His life insurance policy had gone to paying off some over due bills but most of it paid for his funeral, which cost a lot of money. Every day without him had been a nightmare at first. She sometimes tried to imagine that his death had never happened.

In her fantasy world they were still a complete family but in her heart she knew that it just wasn’t possible. Elizabeth knew that her father could never come back in the real world. No amount of wishing would ever make it possible.

It helped to know that he was in heaven with his savior. Their faith in God was the only thing that kept them going. Church had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember. Elizabeth, herself, had been saved for six years.

She had come to lean on God and he never let her down. He was always there when she needed him. Elizabeth had faith that he would never leave her. The first year had been a nightmare but they’d somehow survived. Their family was starting to live again.

They would never be completely happy but things were getting close to normal again. There was even days that they felt almost like a complete family. All of their birthdays came and went and nothing bad had happened. It seemed like their life was finally coming together again.

Just when they thought that nothing could tear them apart ever again, it did. They were once again blindsided when life threw them yet another curve. This one was just as deadly as the first one. If only they had known that it was coming.

Maybe it wouldn’t have been such a shock. It was just as sudden as the last time. Their life changed again for the second time just a year and a half after their father’s death. Her mom started having severe stomach pains over the span of several weeks.

It got so bad one night that they had to rush her to the hospital. It took almost a week but her doctor’s finally had a diagnosis and the wait was agonizing. They were shocked to learn that she had cancer and wouldn’t know the prognosis till further tests were done.

Elizabeth had felt her heart drop at that announcement. She couldn’t understand why all of these things were happening to them. Hadn’t they been through enough already with losing their father? Why couldn’t they have a happy life again?

The tests had taken several weeks and the results weren’t good. Her mom was worse than they’d ever imagined. The cancer had gone unnoticed for too long. It had been there for at least a year. There was a slim chance that any kind of treatment would help.

It wouldn’t be easy for her physically though. Her cancer was in an advanced form but the doctor’s promised to try everything possible to save her. How had they missed the signs? Had they been there all along? Elizabeth remembered the fear after the diagnosis.

She didn’t know what was ahead of them at that time. They started chemotherapy soon after her it was announced. The doctors told them that it was their last hope. Their doctor’s warnings about the chemo came true. Her chemo left her tired and very weak.

Her mom had to have someone help her around for days afterwards. Elizabeth and her siblings took turns staying home with her. They assumed that it would get easier with time but every session seemed to make her sicker. It was hard on them all during that period of time.

There were nights she’d cried herself to sleep. Elizabeth hated seeing her mom in so much pain all the time. She couldn’t even get out of bed some days. It was a miracle that she even made it to Elizabeth’s high school graduation.

What should have been a joyful night was bittersweet. Elizabeth was worried about her mom the whole time. What if she had a problem during the ceremony? There was some joy but the cancer overshadowed it. Elizabeth was just thankful that she could even come.

Everything seemed to be going well for a while and they had every hope that the cancer would be cured. When the chemotherapy sessions were over the doctor did more tests and they’re hopes were drastically dimmed when they came back.

The chemotherapy had taken care of some of her tumor but there was still a large part of it intact. There was a distinct possibility that the cancer would spread to the rest of her body. They could do little to prevent it from happening and if it did she would most likely die.

Her family still tried to stay hopeful and the next month seemed to be ok. The doctors tested her mom every week and the results were always good. Just when it seemed that they might be able to do chemotherapy again things changed for the worse.

One of the weekly tests showed that the cancer was spreading and chemotherapy was now out of the question. The chance of her mom surviving had been drastically cut but they still held out hope. It slowly disappeared as every week passed by.

Tests kept revealing that her cancer was spreading even farther into her body. She had been fighting the disease for over six months now and it was clear that she wasn’t winning. There had been nurses with her around the clock for three months.

Elizabeth was taking care of the children herself. She also took over most of the chores. Jennifer and Edward did their share of the work too. They worked together as a unit. It wasn’t easy work but they were doing it. Michael was mostly her responsibility though.

The nurse helped out with him while she was in class. Her mom’s health was quickly deteriorating now and it could be a matter of days before she lost the battle. Everyone was walking around on pins and needles and they had been for days.

Elizabeth had legal custody of the children after her death even though she was only eighteen. Her mom had made sure that it would go through without any questions. She didn’t want her family torn apart when it was time for her say goodbye to them.

They had made it official when everyone realized that she would most likely die. Elizabeth’s life would drastically change when it came time to say goodbye to the mother she couldn’t imagine her life without. It would be hard to adjust to the new responsibilities though.

Her life would drastically change with them. There wouldn’t be much free time but she also knew that it would help her mom let go knowing that they would be taken care of and that alone gave her strength to comply with her wishes.

Money was getting tighter but they had some in savings that hadn’t been touched yet. It would keep them going for several more months. They would eventually have to get jobs to support themselves. There were good and bad days.

It was becoming clear that only a miracle would save her. Her body was starting to shut down system by system and there was nothing that they could do for her. It had been a bad day and Elizabeth didn’t want to leave her to go to class.

The nurse promised to call if there was any change. Elizabeth jumped when someone knocked on her door. It was the nurse reminding her that it was almost time for her first class. She reluctantly started getting ready for school.

A part of her just wanted to stay home and be with her family but she wanted to enjoy college while it lasted. It might not be a part of her life for much longer. Michael was playing with his toys on the floor when she came downstairs. Just the sight of him made her smile.

He in turn smiled when she walked into the room. She laughed when he came running at her and lifted him up into her arms for a hug and kiss. He looked so much like their father and she was glad to have a reminder of him around.

Elizabeth hated that he would have to grow up without a father and now their mother was leaving too. Michael wasn’t the only one that had their father’s features. Jennifer had some of them too but she mostly took after their mother’s side of the family.

The rest of them were the same way. Michael took almost completely after their father’s side of the family. There were only a few features from their mother’s side. She wished that her father were here to see it but Elizabeth knew that he was up in heaven watching over them.

He would always live in their hearts. Elizabeth was smiling as she headed out to her car. Just being with her little brother made her feel better. He was a bright ray of sunshine to them all. His personality was always so sunny just like their father’s had been.

No one could be unhappy when he was in the room. She was thankful that he’d been born. It made her happy to have him around. Elizabeth arrived on campus in less than a half an hour. She was glad that they lived so close to it.

The drive had helped Elizabeth clear her head some and she was feeling much better but thoughts of her mom were never far from her mind. She wondered how much longer they would have her. It was just a matter of time till the cancer took her away for good.

Elizabeth cleared her head and concentrated on the room in front of her. She loved being in college and actually having a few casual friends. Her class wasn’t due to start for another half an hour and she planned to use the extra time to study.

It had been hard to concentrate on her work at home. There was way too much sadness there today. Elizabeth almost felt human here on campus. She tried to leave her worries at home but it didn’t always work. It was almost a relief to be away from there.

Her freedom wouldn’t last much longer. Everything would change again after her mother died. It was a given that she would have to eventually drop out of college. Her other siblings would need someone to be there for them all the time.

Michael would need the most attention. She would have to find a way to arrange her class schedule so he would get it. It would be her responsibility to take care of him.

Elizabeth was prepared to drop some classes if she had to but hoped that it could be avoided at all cost. She wanted to be in college as long as possible before being forced to quit all together. A part of her didn’t want to believe that it would happen at all.

But she knew also knew that it was inevitable. It would be hard to walk away but she would do anything for her family. They always came first no matter what the opportunity was. Elizabeth still didn’t know if she’d be able to handle the new responsibilities coming her way.

At least Edward and Jennifer would be around to help out. She jumped when someone sat down beside her. Elizabeth had seen the girl around campus but they had never spoken before. It was in her nature to be very shy and she often found it hard to make friends.

Her early years in school had scarred her pretty badly and it was hard to talk to her peers. Elizabeth was very shy when it came to most everything. The girl started speaking to her and she looked up with a surprised look on her face.

No one had actually tried to be a real friend to her and it was a new experience that someone was actually making the first move. She had a few acquaintances in her classes but they were a long way from being close friends and she wanted to find a true friend.



It might be nice to get to know someone and possibly find a new friend. Elizabeth decided to talk back and she learned that her name was Ann. It was clear to see that she was a Christian just by the way she talked. She felt at ease talking to her and it surprised her.

Elizabeth usually found it hard to talk to her own peers. She had always preferred talking to adults. This was totally new territory for her. It was surprising how easy it was to like Ann. She seemed to be a very nice person.

They decided to pass the little time before class getting to know each other. It was a new experience for her but she found herself enjoying it. She realized that they had a lot in common in just a few minutes. Elizabeth even let down her guard some.

She talked about things that she’d never told publicly. There had been no one to talk to for months now. Elizabeth didn’t understand why but she somehow felt comfortable with Ann. Something told her that she was trustworthy. She had found a friend.