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Rated: · Column · Satire · #878346
A narative about a viscious case of writers block
Death to Writer’s Block

Lauren Grabowsi, all my life I wanted to see my name in print and there it is. On my screen, on my computer, and though it’s not exactly a by-line yet, It’s a start. You see, at the present time, I wouldn’t consider myself lost exactly, it’s more like displaced.

Just between you and me, I’m a writer. I haven’t actually written anything yet but you can take my word for it. Right now I am secretly posing as a mild mannered groom for trainer, Chris Ryder, taking care of Standardbred racehorses. It’s kind of like being a disgruntled postal worker without the ugly uniform. And although I can’t exactly leap tall buildings in a single bound, I am patiently waiting for the right story idea and I’ll be “off to the races”

I started off looking for a brilliant concept. I read horse racing articles, articles about skin care and makeup, a review of Avril Lavigne’s new album, you know, intellectual banter. So you can imagine my shock when all of my “research” did not take the wrecking ball to my writer’s block. In the midst of my frustration, I decided that I had to write SOMETHING!

My theory behind this was not to fascinate and intrigue my public, since there was a good possibility that no one would ever actually read my piece. It was more so to loosen a brick from the Berlin Wall-esque mental block I was experiencing. Said block would finally crumble, new ideas would flow freely, and I would be on the path to the successful career that I was destined for.

My first attempt went something like this: blank, blank, blank….change font…blank blank…write the Pledge of Allegiance to see if I like the new font…blank…decide “Nah, I think I like the old font better”, switch back to original font, bang head on the desk out of frustration, take aspirin for desk induced headache, call it a night.

After a good night’s sleep I woke up with an epiphany. I don’t know anything about anything! So before I become this cutting edge journalist, I have to learn about something, or many things, and become more in touch with the world. I changed from reading Soap Opera Digest to the New York Times. I changed from my top 40-radio station to NPR. I began delving into the world of politics and current events, just to be informed and maybe find some material in the process.

I learned a lot about nothing and a little bit about some things. I became a Democrat and jumped on the Kerry-Edwards ’04 bandwagon. I found out that vinegar kills tough weeds (In the event that I ever have a garden, I’m sure this information will be useful.) I even read an article in the Times about how Boston is considered a racist city (which I didn’t know). After all this, the block still stood, impenetrable, unaffected by my new and improved wealth of useless information.

I was starting to get irritated. It was so much so that I was tempted to take a baseball bat to the blank screen that has been sitting in front of me for the entire time. To calm myself down, I shut off the computer and went for a walk.

I was so frustrated! Weeks I’ve been researching and reading and listening and not a single viable idea…not one! I sat down on a swing in the park and sulked. That’s when I overheard a conversation between two women sitting on a bench a few feet away. They were discussing a bad run of thistle that was ruining one of their gardens.
“Vinegar” I said, barely loud enough to be heard but still not picking up my head
“Excuse me” the one woman replied

I picked up my head “Vinegar, white vinegar, it will kill the thistle in your garden”
I immediately got up off the swing and ran home. I didn’t acquire a wealth of useless information. I acquired a wealth of partially useless information. I learned new things that were actually relevant, and even useful, which as I then remembered was my purpose in the first place.

I turned on my computer and began to write about my new experiences. I wrote pages and pages. I figured one day I would break it down into something to be published, but for now I was just bulldozing the block.
© Copyright 2004 Harness Fancy (wren518 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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