Near Miss

Near Miss

by

Wayne S. Urben

April 2001

                             Bob Leeds was combing his hair and it was getting frustrating. It had been almost a month since he last got it cut, and his hair was as long as he usually let it get. His hair was thick, dark, and wavy, with a natural curl to it. At the moment, it seemed a curse to Leeds. His hair never did what he wanted it to. Now he was trying to bring it under some sort of control with a comb. But one lock of hair just refused to go into place. He tried whetting it, combing it, brushing it, but nothing worked. Finally he said aloud:
         “Hair, if you don’t go into place, I’m going to cut you off myself!” He would have, too; he had a scissors in the medicine cabinet, ready to do what he threatened to do. But at the next brush stroke, the lock of hair went right into place. It was as though it had heard and understood Bob. Leeds smiled into the mirror, his blue eyes gleaming. That was the way it went. He usually had to threaten his hair to get it to do what he wanted. Leeds examined himself in the mirror. His mustache was getting thick, and long enough to cut, but he did not cut it. He felt surprised at how muscular he was getting. Bob Leeds had always been tall for his age, and had big feet. But until now, he’d always been skinny, and not very muscular. Leeds decided then and there it was better to be a late bloomer than not to “bloom” at all.
         Having finished getting ready, he headed out to Lynette’s house, and the party he’d been invited to on Thursday. It was a pleasant Saturday night in early April, cold, but with no rain. It was the beginning of the 12-week 2nd Quarter of the school year 2001. Most of the students at Spartan School Of Aeronautics in Tulsa, Oklahoma would do most of their partying at the beginning of the Quarter. There’d be less partying toward the end of each Quarter as the students buckled down for final exams, now that they were getting to the more technical classes. Most students did better at the shop part of each class than in the theory. By contrast, Bob Leeds did better in theory than in shop. As far as Leeds could see, that just made him better at trouble shooting, than at repair work. From his point of view, aircraft maintenance work required more trouble shooting anyway. Most thinking through a problem, and deciding the best way to fix it. As he drove through the streets of Tulsa toward Lynette’s place, he still thought he’d made a good career choice.
         Lynette’s house was over on Sheridan Ave. She had moved out of Wood Creek Apartments in January, and as far as Leeds could see, it was an improvement on Lynette’s part. It really was a house this time, which she shared with three guys. One of them was Gemson. Another was Ray Holt from Las Vegas.
                   Leeds got there and parked on the street. Holt met him as he walked in the door.
         “Got 5 bucks, Bob?”
         Leeds handed Holt a $5 bill.
         “Get yourself a beer, Bob!”
         Leeds strode to the kitchen where the beer barrel was and grabbed a disposable plastic glass from the stack nearby. He poured himself a beer, then carried it into the family room.

         “Hey, Bob, welcome to the party!” Lynette greeted him. She was sitting on a couch. The brunette wasn’t the only one sitting, Zurito was sitting there also, smoking a Marlboro cigarette as usual. Zap Volta was talking to Gemson, loudly even for him, and Jeremy Fitzmorris and  Jeff Benjamin rounded out the crowd.

         As Leeds sat down on the sofa with Hyatt and Zurito, Barton and Anson came in with their girlfriends and another brunette who smiled at Bob as he swallowed the last of his beer. Bob’s legs suddenly turned to jelly, and he couldn’t even move. He was only on his 1st beer, so it couldn’t be that.
         Noticing Bob’s empty beer glass, Gemson took it and several others back to the kitchen for refill.
         Taking his 2nd beer from Gemson, Bob swallowed it rapidly.
         The brunette was standing in front of Leeds, looking forlorn and neglected.
         “I don’t have a place to sit,” she complained in a Texas accent.
         Instead  of offering her his own seat like a perfect gentleman would have, Bob said: “Oh, you can sit here on my lap!” Bob didn’t know what made him say that. Everyone in the room laughed at that. Benjamin took his and Bob’s empty beer glasses to the kitchen for another refill. Barton and Anson and their girlfriends egged Bob on. Leeds tried to ignore them as he guzzled his 3rd beer. Gemson started making introductions.
         “I’m Wes,” he said indicating himself, “This is Glen,” Barton, “Roy,” Anson, “Zap,” Ben Volta, “Jeff,” Benjamin “Fitz,” Fitzmorris, “Bob, the sex machine,” “ Very funny” “Lynette....and Jimmy.”
         “You should talk to her, Bob,” Nancy, Barton’s girlfriend said at his ear.
         Leeds did, getting up from his seat, and found out her name was Annessa. She was Glen Barton’s sister’s roommate’s sister or something like that. She said she was from Houston.
         “I’m from Wisconsin.”
         She told him about Houston, about how she liked living there. “People are friendly there.”
         "Sounds like Janesville just to the south of my hometown, Oconomoc. Guys from my hometown like to hang out in Janesville ‘cause the girls there are friendly.”
         Annessa giggled at that. Leeds just smiled and told her more about Janesville. Annessa’s description of Houston reminded Leeds of the old country song ‘Houston Solution’ that he’d heard on the radio as a kid and had always liked.
         “I hate Tulsa. This place sucks! I only get along with Spartan students. That’s why I’m here. Lots of barroom pals and good-time gals. ” Leeds told Annessa.
         “I came here for the same reason. I like meeting guys from out of state. You’re the first guy from Wisconsin I’ve met.”
         “When In Oklahoma, do as the Okies do.”
         She laughed “Exactly! Now you’re figurin’ it out, just as I have since comin’ here.”
         “Okies act like they’re from another planet! Okies are Martians!”
         “What kind of music do you like, Bob?”
         “Mostly country. But I don’t mind rock as long is it’s not played too loud. These guys play it too loud.”
         “I know I don’t like loud music, either.”
         “At least we’ve found something we can agree on.”
         “I think we can find a lot to agree on, Bob.”
         Leeds’ beer glass was empty again, so he went back to the kitchen for a refill.
         “You should talk to Annessa, Bob.” Callie, Anson’s girlfriend told him.
         “I am talking to her! I’m just getting another beer,” Leeds responded.
         “Go back and talk to Annessa, Bob” Callie said.
         Leeds went back to the family room and found Annessa with Nancy.
         “Hi, Annessa,” he greeted her, then started to tell her about his hometown, Oconomoc, Wisconsin. As he talked Nancy drifted off, and out of the corner of his eye, Leeds saw her talking to Callie. Leeds wondered what they were talking about, but tried to concentrate on Annessa.
         “That’s an odd name, Oconomoc,” Annessa commented.
         “With all those o’s in it you mean? Yes. Lots of  Wisconsin towns have odd-sounding French and Indian names.”
         Barton and Anson and their girlfriends kept refilling Bob’s beer glass as he talked with Annessa, so that at the end of an hour, Leeds had already drunk 7 beers.          
         
         “What school do you go to?” he asked.
         “TJC”she answered. Tulsa Junior College. That wasn’t unusual in Tulsa.
         “My roommate’s girlfriend goes there. My roommate’s ex-girlfriend that is. They are friends now. She clings to him like glue. I guess it’s because she has no other friends. She drives everyone crazy. Even I can’t stand Kate Quigley!”
         “I never heard of Kate Quigley, ” Annessa commented.
         “I envy you not knowing Kate Quigley. If you think Lynette’s a bitch, you should meet Kate. She gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘bitch’.”
         Annessa laughed. Leeds watched her diaphragm go in and out as she laughed. It made her look even more beautiful than she already was. Leeds gussled his 8th beer. Now he was numb all over.          She was his Houston Solution.
         Leeds went to the kitchen for his 10th beer in 1 1/2 hours. How’d that Don Williams song go? That song that defined love? “If it knocks you off your feet, then it’s love; then it’s love. If it makes your life complete then it’s love; then it’s love.” Leeds didn’t know if he felt that way about Annessa. But a few more beers, a few, more conversations, and he should have an answer. Leeds poured his beer. As he did so he sang to himself:
         “There’s a tear in my beer, ‘cause I’m cryin’ for ya dear. Yeah, I’ll drink to that.'”
         As he left the kitchen, he met Glen Barton in the doorway.
         “Keep talkin’ to Annessa, Bob.”
         “Yeah, I’ve been told that already. You know, your girlfriend is goin’ to get me in a lot of trouble, Glen!” Leeds told Barton, poking him in the chest to emphasize his point.
         Barton just laughed, “That’s the idea, Bob!”
         “I’m not surprised, Glen. Not surprised at all.”
         Leeds returned to the family room and Annessa. When he got there he found that some space was being cleared for a dance floor. As high as this crowd was Leeds wouldn’t have been too surprised to see some of them dance on a table.
         Bob didn’t know how he would talk to her over this noise but he’d try. He had to shout to make himself heard.          
         “Wanna dance, Bob?” Annessa asked.
         “I don’t dance.”
         “Neither do I.”
         “This music has no tone at all that I can make out. I couldn’t dance to it, if I wanted to.”
         “I know. It’s rock, Bob. It’s not supposed to have a tone. But I can dance to it anyway.”
         “I’ll dance with you,” Leeds offered.
         “I thought you said you didn’t dance, Bob,”
          ‘I thought you said you didn’t dance, Annessa. Don’t confuse me like that,’ Leeds laughed.
         “I don’t dance, Bob. But I like to try to dance anyway when the right kind of music is on.” 
         “OK. I’ll dance with you.”
         “Are you sure you want to, Bob? You sound passive-aggressive,” she observed.
         “My father was the passive-aggressive one, I’m not,” he assured her.
         “OK. Next song starts, we’ll dance.”
         “Fine, I’ll let you lead, Annessa”
         “Good you should always let the girl lead, Bob.”
         “I always do,” Leeds assured her.
         So when the next song started Annessa and Bob danced. The crowd made way for them both.          Nancy and Callie danced with Barton and Anson. Leeds tried to relax and follow Annessa around the dance floor, but his own big feet kept tripping him up. Annessa laughed, and tried to help Bob, but it seemed to only make things worse. When the song ended, Leeds finally gave up.
         “Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you didn’t dance.”
         “I warned you, Annessa. And I’m even worse when I am sober!”
         Leeds headed for the kitchen both beer glasses in hand.
         “Keep talking to Annessa, Bob,” Nancy said, intercepting him in the hallway.
         “I will....I just need to get her another beer....I need another, too,” Leeds told her, his speech slurred from The 10 beers he had already had.
         “I’ll get them for you, Bob. Just go back and talk to her, Bob.”
         So Leeds went back to the edge of the dance floor. He found her talking to Callie. Leeds grabbed her ass. Annessa blushed and started laughing. Leeds wondered if he hurt her. She started to walk away from him. Leeds followed her, apologizing.
         
         “It’s all right, Bob. I just don’t think you’re my type.”
         “I guess so, Annessa. No hard feelings.”
         “Of course not,” she smiled.
         The party seemed to be over after that. Nancy gave Leeds his beer, and he sipped it slowly, but didn’t enjoy it. He never saw Annessa after that.
         After finishing his beer, Leeds went outside. Zap Volta and Jeff Benjamin were standing there talking. Leeds decided to head bck to his car. He didn’t intend to drive. He just intended to fall asleep in the back of the car. It was a cold night, but he was wearing a jacket, and he’d be allright until morning. He’d drive back in the morning. He walked to the car, car keys in hand. Suddenly a porch light of the house across the street blinked on and off. Bob froze in his tracks.
         “Is that a fuckin’ signal?” Zap Volta asked.
         “What?”
         “A light just blinked on and off across the street.”
         Leeds continued forward. The light blinked on and off again. Then Leeds understood. They must have thought he was going to drive. Well, he wasn’t. Wes Gemson came out of his house.
         “C’mon, you guys. Don’t stay out here,” Gemson told Volta and Benjamin. They followedhim back into the house.
         Leeds unlocked the front door of his car, then made a point of opening the rear door of the car and getting inside. He made himself as comfortable as he could on tyhe back seat. He lay there thinking of Annessa. They had been worlds apart, the two of them. She was from Texas, hewas from Wisconsin. It wasn’t a collision of  worlds exactly. More like a near miss. A near miss between a 747 and a DC-10. Leeds found that easy to imagine. Leeds chuckled to himself as he thought of how close he came to
having a ‘miss’ of his own.
         Leeds did what he planned; slept in the back of the cold car until about 8 o’clock the next morning. Then feeling sober, but with a terrible headache, he drove back to his apartment.

The end (for now)