A Hero's Death

Note to reader: This is a work in progress. Please give me feedback and suggestions on how you think this story is going and or how you would like to see it unfold. If you have any details about Detroit, the Air Force, or the Gulf War that would fit the story I would love to hear them.

A Hero’s Death

Terrell sat in a dark alley huddled between trash cans just off 21st Street clutching a .22 caliber Smith & Wesson revolver in the front pouch pocket of his hooded sweatshirt. He had found it discarded on the street. It was December and the weapon was ice cold. The hammer was missing and the so was the left half of the grip. He checked the chambers; empty. It smelled like it had been fired but not recently. Who ever had discarded it had done so in a hurry and had never wanted to see the thing again. He held it now. He almost wished it was loaded and functional. Maybe he would put it to his head in that case. How in the hell did I get here? he thought to himself.

Terrell had grown up on Pinehurst Street in Detroit city. It was and still is a low-income district. He was the youngest of three boys. His father, an abusive alcoholic, was arrested for armed robbery and had been incarcerated since Terrell was two years old. His mother Gladys struggled to make ends meet as a single parent. Gladys cleaned hotel rooms, homes, did laundry and babysat. She worked 12-18 hours a day just to provide thrift store clothes and generic oatmeal. She was the biggest influence in Terrell’s life. She never took a handout and never stopped fighting.

Steven, the family’s oldest son, was arrested as soon as he turned 18. He was driving to work one day and picked up a couple of friends he saw walking. The friends never told him they had just held up a gas station and shot the clerk. He would become a member of society again sometime around his 35th birthday.

Russell, the middle son, was the problem child. He was out of school more than he attended. Numerous vandalization and theft charges had kept him on house arrest since he was 10. He was often violent towards his mother and young Terrell. He joined a gang and ran away from home when Terrell was only seven. His mother still expects him to walk in the door any day. It never happens. .

Gladys saw something special in Terrell. His older brothers had taken more after his father but not Terrell. The baby of the litter was a good student and a pretty good athlete to boot. Gladys stayed on Terrell all the time, “Boy, you make something’ of yourself now. You're this family's best shot. Don’t you let your momma down.” Those words stuck and it didn’t hurt that she repeated them hourly.

When Terrell turned 14 he started his freshman year at East High. Academically he worked hard and was a B+ average student under his mothers constant nagging. In athletics he played basketball, baseball, and ran track. As an East High Shamrock he was the school's all time scorer on the court and was All Conference also in the field events. He was nominated academic athlete of the year twice and made the Who’s Who of American High School students his senior year. He was truly a standout and was recruited by several colleges for his talents. There was hardly a more popular man on campus than Terrell.

One crisp fall afternoon Terrell came home from school with stars in his eyes. He had pamphlets and paperwork under his arm for the United States Air Force. It was career day at school and the young man who had never made his after high school plans was very impressed with what the Air Force recruiter had to say. He couldn’t wait until his mother came home.

5:30 in the afternoon Gladys Holston came home from work. Young Terrell could hardly contain himself. As she put her things away and took a seat at the kitchen table of the family’s decaying home he gave her his speel.

“Mom, I know what I want to do now,” he uttered with excitement.

This decision was one the quickly aging mother had been waiting her entire lifetime to hear it seemed. Would he go to Michigan State on a basketball scholarship? Or would he go to an out of state school, one close she hoped? What would he study? Her son was great in math; maybe he would be a teacher and coach the ball team. She trembled with anticipation of what he might say. He was talented and he would be good at anything. What he chose wasn’t important. Her baby was going to make something of himself and she couldn’t have been prouder.

“Mom, I’ve decided to join the Air Force.”

Gladys’s jaw dropped. She felt like her son had just punched her in the stomach. He had obviously thought about his decision and his excitement was evident but the shock of the moment had left her speechless. She had to strain to hold back the tears she felt pooling in the corner of her left eye. With a quivering chin she answered him.

“But, but son. What about school? College? Don’t you want to go to college?”

“Momma, they gonna send me to college. I’ll go to engineering school and they’ll pay for it. It won’t cost us a dime. And they’re going to pay me for my duties. I’ll get a check every month to help you with the bills.” One of the main reasons Terrell was looking at the Air Force was to help his mom with the bills. He saw how hard she worked and had wanted to ease her burden but she wouldn’t let him take a job during school. She wanted him to concentrate on his studies.

“Baby, I don’t like the idea of you being a soldier. You could get shot or hurt or something. I don’t like it one bit. You’ll worry your poor momma to death. Is that what you’re trying to do?”

“Mom, it’s the Air Force. I’m not going to be a foot soldier. It’s a whole lot different.”

“I don’t like the idea of you flyin’ jets either. I hear ‘bout jets getting shot down on the news all the time. Or you could crash. Imagine how I would feel if I saw you crash a plane in front of my very eyes on the TV. Child, you’re going to give me a heart attack. Is that what you want? ” Gladys’s tone is getting firmer with each response to her son’s explanations.

“Momma, ain’t you heard anything I’ve been saying? I’m going to study engineering. I won’t be flying jets. I will be working on them. The recruiter says that they need guys like me. Young men that are good in math and mechanical- minded are what they are looking for. Do you remember how much I loved that Erector Set you bought me for Christmas and I built air planes with it all the time? I’ll be able to build real air planes in the Air Force.”

She wipes the steam from her glasses as she takes a moment to sort her thoughts. Her hands tremble nervously as she takes a deep breath and puts the tissue back in her apron pocket. Her son’s decision had taken her by surprise. He was so bright and so talented....she couldn’t possible understand why he would choose a military career. She had always imagined her son on the campus of a big university, making good grades, playing sports, dating pretty girls and maybe even becoming as popular as he was at East High. She had dropped out of school herself and to see him succeed was kind of like she was succeeding. She had placed so many expectations on him. He hadn’t really let her down though; he had just thrown her for a loop.

“Baby, is this what you want to do?” she answered him, coming half way to terms with it.

“Momma, this is it. This is the first time I have ever been this excited about something. I’ll get an education. I’ll get to see the world. I’ll be helping to defend our country. I can help you pay the bills. I’ll be able to make a good life for myself....and a good life for you too. I want to make you proud.”

With her emotions still taking their toll she answers him as her glasses start to fog up again. “Baby, you have obviously given this some thought. I want you to know that you already make me proud and if this is something you really want to do then your momma is 100% behind you.”

With tears streaming down his face Terrell pulled his mom out of her chair and hugged
her. They stood in their kitchen in their house surrounded by the slums of Detroit Michigan. It was a tender moment; a mother struggling to let her baby boy become a man. She didn’t know if it was selfishness on her part, not wanting to see him leave, or just being over protective, but she couldn’t hold back her tears and cried on her son’s shoulder.

May came and commencement ceremonies were held on the school’s football field and the stadium was filled to capacity. Gladys had gotten there four hours early and was seated right up next to the stage. When they announced “Terrell Holston: Honors Diploma” she burst from her seat jumping, shouting, and clapping until her son had walked the stage and sat down.

“That’s my baby there! That’s my Terrell! Go baby. Go baby. You deserve it. Woohoo!
That’s my Terrell! He’s my son! My baby!” She had to fan herself once she finally sat down.

Half embarrassed from his mother’s spectacle...but still proud, he wore a smile from ear to ear. He had done it. He thought of all the hours studying and all the time he had put in at the YMCA training for his sports. It felt so good to know he had accomplished something no one else in his family had done. He had graduated and graduated with honors. This was truly a great day in his life and the life of his mother.

July 15th came and Terrell left for the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio. He finished his eight weeks of basic training and promptly started his AIT (Advanced Individual Training; the military has an acronym for everything) at the University of Dayton School of Engineering. The classes were very detailed but Terrell found them interesting and studied constantly. On the days he wasn’t at the university he was working at the base with other student engineers trying to develop new technology for the fighting planes. He called home weekly and sent his service checks home to his mother. Gladys was finally able to come home after cleaning hotel rooms all day and relax instead of starting her second job. Things were going well.

After four years of education and military service, Terrell’s future was brighter than ever. He was now an engineer for the US Air Force. He was a lieutenant with the potential to gain even more rank. He was proud of his accomplishments and felt successful.

When you grow up in poverty and are surrounded by poverty then it’s all you ever know. It’s the only reference for standard of living you have. With his promotions and new income he was able to provide for himself and his mother. He came home every chance he got to see his mother and was working on plans to move her to Ohio to be closer to him.

Less than six months after graduation the situation in the Persian Gulf escalated and President Bush rallied our nation’s troops and Terrell was numbered among those to get the call. His mother had been watching the news with an uneasy anticipation for weeks when Terrell called with the news.

“Momma, how are feeling?” His voice was noticeably uncomfortable.

“Just fine baby, are you alright?”

“Momma, you know things have been getting pretty rough over there; you’ve been watching the news and all.” He was struggling to find the right words to tell her he was leaving.

Gladys felt sick to her stomach. It was what she was most afraid of: her son was going to war. He hadn’t told her the news just yet but she could sense it in his voice. She could always tell when her little boy was upset no matter how well he tried to hide it. She was his mother and mothers know these types of things. Tears pooled up in the corners of her eyes and she took a tissue from her apron pocket.

Terrell struggled with the lump in his throat while he continued.

“Momma, I don’t want you to worry ‘bout me but……I’ve got orders to fly to the Persian Gulf in the morning.”---His chin quivering as he spoke. He wasn’t afraid for himself all that much. Of course he was concerned about his own life but what if something happened, who would take care of momma. His first concern was about her welfare.

Taking her glasses off she wipes her eyes. “Baby, you’re going to be alright. This thing is going to be over with in a few weeks.” She spoke in a tone that sounded confident about what she was saying but inside her heart was breaking.

“Momma, I just don’t want you to worry. I know I’ll be alright. I’ll be on the back lines working to support the planes and the pilots. I won’t be anywhere near the fighting, and besides, we are just being sent over. We have not been given any orders to launch any missions yet.” Her tone of voice had comforted him like she intended. He was able to speak without stuttering again.

“Terrell, you listen to your momma now. I want you to watch yourself and don’t act stupid or try to be no hero, OK.” Speaking firmly she continued. “You listen to your officers and do as they tell you and you’ll be OK. They don’t want anything to happen to my baby same as I don’t.” It was taking every bit of internal strength she had not to break down. She knew that if she broke down then he would. He was a grown man now. As much as she wanted him to be her snot nosed little boy forever he was a grown man and a soldier. He had responsibilities and needed a clear head to think. He couldn’t afford to break down.

“Yes, momma. I will momma.” Her words had encouraged him. He could be strong if she was going to be strong.

“Now baby, I want you to pray with now, OK?”

“Yes, momma. I’d like that.”

Gladys’s voice was powerful when in prayer. To hear this Baptist woman pray you would think that God had parted the clouds and put her on speakerphone so that all the angels and saints could hear her. She closed her eyes and lifted her right hand toward Heaven while her left held the phone to the side of her head so her son could hear.

“Lord God, You are Almighty. I praise Your Holy name. We thank You for the blessings You’ve given us.” Her voice and hand getting higher: “Lord, I humbly ask that You go with my baby. I ask that You watch over him and protect him. I ask that You watch over all the soldiers and their families while they’re away. Above all I ask that Your will be done, oh Lord. Forgive us our sins and convict our hearts to forgive others. I lift my Terrell up to You, Father. In Christ’s Holy name, Amen.”

Tears poured down the cheeks of both mother and son as they said their good byes.

“Momma, I love you.” Emotion was taking over Terrell’s voice once again. His voice cracked with every word.

“Honey, I love you too. I’ll see you when you get back. Write me when you can.”

“Yes, momma, I will.”

“Good bye now baby.”

“Good bye.”

Gladys hung up the phone and fell on her knees crying and begging the Almighty to protect her son. Something had told her this day would come back when her son came home talking about the Air Force. She was proud of him and proud of his decisions. He had grown up and made something of himself.

-------------------------------------------------

The US and Great Britain are launching a heavy air campaign in the Persian Gulf. F-15 Eagles fly cover for the B-1 and B-52 bombers sent to knock out the enemy’s SCUD missile facilities. Terrell works closely with the radar technicians and the plane service technicians in keeping operations running smoothly. With missions being flown twenty four hours a day and seven days a week there is little time for rest. He manages to keep working making it on coffee, nerves and adrenaline. When he finally does get the chance to take a short amount of downtime he is faithful to write his mother and reads his own mail.

While away a GI’s best friend is letters from back home. Members from Gladys’s church had been writing him along with others from the church that were in the Gulf. Terrell was taking a special interest in letters from a young woman; Robin Jackson. Robin was still in high school back when Terrell left for the Air Force. She was a lovely girl and had a noticeable crush on him but the age difference prevented them from pursuing any relationship. She was now an adult and taking classes to become a nurse. When Terrell wrote Robin he confided in her all his worries and fears. It was a side of himself he didn’t show other people. When she wrote to him she would keep him up to date on the happenings back home and let him know that she was visiting his momma to keep her company while he was away. The two didn’t know it at the time but they were falling in love.

Seven months had passed. The USAF was working in cooperation with the British Special Air Service. The US was using its new and improved E3 AWACS, a military version of the Boeing 707, with special radar jammers to provide cover for the British Tornado Helicopters. The strategy was to jam the enemy’s radar and then use the helicopters to load and unload ground troops. It was a highly technical and high stress job for the engineering and technical support teams. If the E3’s didn’t do their job right that meant that the Tornado helicopters went in naked, that is term for being seen by radar. This would mean that the enemy could see and fire upon the helicopters carrying the troops. It would prove disastrous if that happened. Terrell was under tremendous pressure during this time.
It was 05:45 military time when a message came in to Terrell’s commanding officer. The USAF engineer was summoned to captain’s quarters and given the news.

“Lieutenant Holston.”

“Sir, Captain Archer sir.”

“Son, I’ve called you in here to give you some bad news. We had a message come in this morning. Your mother has had a stroke. She is in ICU at Jefferson Memorial Hospital.”

The news hit him like a punch in the stomach. He felt a mouthful of last night’s rations come up his throat. He swallowed them back down again before he spoke.

“Sir, request permission….” He was cut off in mid sentence.

“Permission denied!” His captain spoke firmly and to the point.

“Lieutenant, I understand that you want to go back home and check on your mother. Hell, I wish I could let you. We are at war here and as you know we are working engineers sixteen and twenty hours a day. I can’t afford to let you leave. Son, you are one of the best we have.” Captain Archer’s voice was now changing to a more conversational tone. “I sympathize with you. I really do. My own son was born while I was away. I have never stopped regretting that. I don’t mean to try to compare your mother’s condition to a birth I’m just trying to point out that we have to make sacrifices in the name of duty. Sometimes it’s a bitch and I know it. Lieutenant?”

“Yes sir.” Terrell answered the officer but he felt week in the knees. The news had come as a huge shock. He remembered the conversation he had with his mother when he first mentioned the Air Force and how worried she was then. Had he caused her so much worry that she had a stroke from it? Would she pull through? Was last week’s brief phone conversation be the last time he would ever talk to her? Morbid thought rushed his mind to quick for him to fend them off. He had a tremendous feeling of guilt. He thought he should have gone to a local school and been close to take care of her.

“Lieutenant, you have my deepest sympathies. I’ll do everything I can to help you but I can’t send you home. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir.”

“I’ll give you a few minutes to gather your thoughts. You may use my office phone to make any calls if you need to. Would you like me to send the Chaplain in son?”

“No sir, I would just like to use your phone.” A tear rolled halfway down his left cheek.

Captain Archer took off his cap and tucked it under his left arm in respect and offered his right hand to Terrell. They shared a firm handshake and the Captain exited the room silently.

With his hands shaking Terrell dials the number for directory assistance and has the operator connect him with Jefferson Memorial Hospital in Detroit. He talks to the switchboard operator who tells him the Intensive Care Unit cannot receive calls but she can connect him to the waiting area and maybe someone from his mother’s party will answer. He agrees to try that not knowing how might answer. He hears the attendant page someone from the Holston partly shortly before he hears Robin’s voice.

“Hello.”

“This is Terrell, who is this?”

“Robin Jackson, a friend of Gladys’s.” Robin was staying with Gladys on a part time basis. She didn’t have much of a home life anyway and Gladys liked having her around..

“Robin, has the doctor told you anything?”

“Terrell, she is in stable but serious condition. When can you make it home?”

“I can’t. I have already spoken to the captain and he says he can’t let me go. I’m needed here too much.” Terrell was comforted somewhat with knowing her condition was stable.

“Terrell, I don’t know what else to tell you. She got sick yesterday and I brought her here. I’ll stay with her and call you if her condition changes.”

“Thanks Robin, but it will probably be a little hard to get a hold of me. I’ll call you back if I can. I feel so much better knowing you are there.”

“I’ll do everything I can Terrell. Just don’t worry. You have enough to worry about down there already.”

“I’ve got to go. Tell mom I love her when she wakes up.”

“I will.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Terrell hung up and took a little time for himself sitting in the captain’s office. He was so glad to know that his mom wasn’t staying alone. Although he hadn’t spoken to Robin in person very much they had written a lot of letters to each other and he was feeling something special for this girl. He admired the fact that she was taking care of his mother while he was away.

Despite what the news may have been saying the Gulf War was no picnic.



To be continued..........................