FLASHBACKS

FLASHBACKS

It seems as if it was a different life,
Those years when I was once a wife;
So changed from the woman I became,
Who dropped the "Mrs" from my name,
Who looked ahead, and not behind..
Yet, somewhere, deep within my mind,
I re-live nightmares of the past.

Broken, bleeding on the floor,
Begging you, "No more, no more!"
Words that burned into my soul,
Devil's eyes black as coal..

I awake from a restless sleep,
Those memories I choose not to keep;
Yet they keep coming back to haunt,
The careless way you used to taunt
And bring me shame no one deserves,
Tearing me apart, jagged nerves..
Night after night, I live through
The life I tried to live with you.

Knife to my throat, gun to my head;
I would have been better off dead,
Yet that was not in your plan,
You were the master, you were the Man!

A slave to torture that didn't show,
You made sure I'd never go -
But go I did, and I don't regret
Leaving you - was the best thing yet!
You found another love to replace me;
I escaped with just the memory
That would haunt me till the day I die,
Trying to forget and wondering why..
From prison you wrote words of love,
"So sorry" and "I was so far above
Any woman you'd ever known.."
Would you know me now, that I have grown?

Then one day I was notified
That you had finally died,
A victim of too much booze,
Did you find no one else to use??

All the years in between then and now
Were not the best, but I lived - somehow;
Never to love anyone or trust again,
Like I used to do, way back when..
There was work and hate to fill my time,
I tried so hard to make a life of mine
That would be better, there was no room
For anyone who tried too soon
To show me how much they cared for me,
I was and am - finally free -
Except for the memories..

Rape of the soul, and of the heart,
You were not the only one to tear me apart;
And I became more bitter every night
That I had to live through another fight.

I have at last grown old and gray,
And people listen to what I say..
Thinking I have had an easy life,
Just a mother, once a wife..
They do not see and do not hear
The screams in the night when you appear..
It is best forgotten and I try
To let the past just die;
And look to the sun for a little hope,
I'm not yet quite to the end of my rope..

Countrymom
6/30/03