Why do they do it ?

For those of you who are left behind
When your loved one takes their life,
In your mind you scream, outside you weep
Even when you try to sleep
The peace you need is far away,
Oh ! why couldn't you just stay.

If only I had seen your pain,
But I didn't.
If only I'd told you I was there for you
But I hadn't
If only I had known how much you were hurting
But I couldn't
If only I'd said how much I loved you.
But I thought you knew.

Why do they do it ? I often wondered why
They find living so terrible, they'd give up all and die.
But then in 1980 I was taken there myself,
To the edge of reality,
A most precarious shelf.
Depression sat upon me, blackness filled my seeing
I could no longer relate to my fellow human beings.

Outwardly I showed little change to my demeanour,
But in my mind the turmoil raged, anxiety grew, sanity was caged,
All I could see was a tortured me,
To me, death held the only key.

My peace was staged in a bottle of pills
My mind told me they'd take all ills,
Away from the person who looked like me
Someone drowning in the sea.

Enough drugs were swallowed
To make life extinct.
Goodbye hateful world
Three words are succinct.

But into account I had not taken
My Maker had not me forsaken.
He cradled me in His agape love
He spoke gently to me from His place above.

He did not allow me to die on that day
But for 3 months after locked up I did stay.
When sanity, to me was restored
The angels and I gave thanks to the Lord.



September 16th 2002