Chubby Rain

A child stands with his back to the morning sun. Nothing but plain Australian desert between him and the almighty. His innocence, his human nature, our dreams.
“Hello. My name is Julian Braithe. I live in Aenema Queensland. Last night I had a dream, and this is it.”

Steven lays in a field full of long green grass. The tips resemble wheat but they are thinner and are quiet possibly seeds. The grass covers the whole field in a thick blanket of green. The wind blows never ending waves through it. Each wave moves through the field from one end to the other without pause. It’s motion is hypnotic. You could sit for hours watching the wind systematicly brush each individual blade of grass.
In the middle lies Steven. He stares up at the sky. His hands clasped and fingers intertwinging on his stomach. He looks really relaxed. His face tiresly holds a grin from one side to the other, as if he were all drugged up on some anaesthetic. If only we could delve into his mind. If only for a moment.
“That small child. That little girl. She was my downfall. The only way into my darkness is through my weakness. If that makes any sense. But why is that my weakness? Isn’t it good to dream? It was my favoriate. That girl was mine. She belonged to me. She was, ours. Now she’s just a figment of my imagination. She was a soul waiting to be born, now she’s dead. You killed her. That little girl would have been our proud legacy to the world. Now we only have memories. Thanks.”
He trails off making his words blurred with the breeze.
“Turn around. Get up and turn around.”
Steven untwinds his fingers, moves his hands to his side and pushes himself from the ground. He looks over the horizon, past the never ending abyss of long, green, grass. He turns around. Standing there is the young girl. She’s changed. She’s older. A more defined, a well rounded young adult. Her eyes are deep and soft. Her lips are a lovely shade of red; full, but hidden in her smile. The beauty of this beast, is kept hidden. Hidden from view of everyone, bar one. To share this beauty is to open a thousand doors. Her mind. Her mind could bend the life of one million men. But one million men haven’t, only one man. Her rosey cheeks grow darker as her smile becomes bigger. But, her eyes are her main attraction. Like an art gallery, everyone comes for just one look, one chance to see these wonderful works of nature.
“So pure, so rare, to witness such an earthly goddess. That I’ve lost my self control, beyond compelled to throw this body down before your holiest of alters. I'd sell my soul, my self-esteem, a dollar at a time, for just one chance, one kiss, one taste of you. I bear witness to this place this prayer so long forgotten. So pure, so rare to witness such an earthly goddess.”
They stand off eyeing each other. They hate each other yet they love each other at the same time.
“Nobody is worthy of you. Not I, anyway. But someone. One day someone special will wisk you away, far away, and I’ll never see you again. And the day those eyes leave this field will be the same day the sun doesn’t shine, the same day the wind won’t blow through the grass, the same day I will not be able to feel, nor see, nor hear. Everything in my world will cease to exist. I. I will cease to exist. Don’t leave. Stay in this world. The world as my eyes see it. Isn’t this what your eyes see?”
“No.”
Stevens half smile drops from his face. Drops like an atomic bomb. And as it hits so do the waves of uncontrollable anger. He wants to reach out and kill. Stomp the grass, blow out the sun. He doesn’t know what to feel, what to say, whatto do. The uncontrollable streams of water gush from his eyes. Tears roll down his cheeks. They go as far as possible before falling of the edge. They loose control and tumble down to the ground.
“I see a different world. One that is better for me. One that I like. In this world, there is only one thing. Me.”
Steven swings his body around like a child would. Not wanting her to see him crying. Or the obvious scares.
“It hurts. It does. What do I do? Where is my power animal now?” He mumbles to himself.
Her smile fades like the light in the sky, like the wind. With dusk brings colour to the sky. Colours which have never been seen before. Reds, purples, yellows, pinks and oranges. Is it beautiful? Is light disappearing?
“Steven. I’ve had enough. I’m leaving.”
“But, you can’t!”
“I have to go.” I have to leave.”
“But why?”
“This isn’t what I want anymore.”
“What isn’t what you want anymore? A beautiful life? Someone who loves you? Someone who knows who you are deep inside? Your soulmate?”
She doesn’t reply. For whatever reason, she doesn’t.
This brings tears to Steven’s eyes. She doesn’t care. The once beautiful eyes have been destroyed. Her mind locked away from him just like everyone else. He is now no one special. To her, he is just a person. Someone she could walk past in the street without a care.
She moves to leave. He turns and tries to stop her. He reaches out to grab her, but he goes straight through her. Like she’s a ghost. His knees buckle, his heart is in pieces. He falls to the ground. Into a heap. She keeps on walking. A tear falls from his cheek and drops into the grass. It manages to avoid each single blade of grass, coming to a stop in the dirt. His hand moves crushing it as he props himself up. He moves around to face his pretty eyed girl. He sees her in the grass, sitting on the dirt, on the next rolling hill. But for what?
“Should I chase her? I do not love her. She doesn’t love me. She doesn’t want me. What a waste.”
He walks to her.
“What did I do to deserve such punishment?”
She doesn’t answer.
“You’re so perfect, so beautiful, so smart, so wonderful, so...”
“Don’t.”
He plops down next to her. Not knowing what to do now. He wants to melt away into the soil. Maybe someone will look after him then.
“Don’t.” He repeats. “Is that all I am to you?”
Steven laughs but she doesn’t see the funny side to it. Maybe. As the sun drops from the sky they sit in silence. The wind has left them to be together. But, it shall return in the morning. Maybe.
This is the worst time. The never ending darkness. The sun never sets in this field. Until now. This is what Steven feared the most. The time when she left this place. That will be the hour the sun doesn’t rise. The instant when the grass dies, the exact moment Steven’s heart rips in two.
Finally the sun sets. Bringing the darkness feared by all in the land. But, a small glimmer of hope presents itself. A sun rises. Shines in the night. Then another, and another, and another, and another. Soon no less then a thousand stars are in the night sky. They both watch until the sun rises again. But only because they are unable to see each other in the dark.

In the early morning light only one half of Stevens face is visible. Neither went to sleep during the night, but, neither look tired. Steven has this pleased smug, self satisfied look plastered all over his face. Like he just had sex for the first time and he beat all his mates to it. But he didn’t. It’s love.
The young lady lies on top of Steven, his arms wrapped around her. Her head positioned on his chest. Her face is even more beautiful in the morning light. A big smile reaches across, her eyes glisten as she watches the sun. She is perfect, she just doesn’t know it. Or maybe she does know it, and is waiting for the right opportunity to present itself. Steven blinks. Probably for the first time in 10 hours. When his eyes re-open, she is gone. His arms lying on his stomach. The pressure from her body, gone. The warmth from her body, gone. The sense of fulfilment, of greatness, of love. Gone. Now all he feels is stress, anger, hate and a sense of longing to be with her. Her. Her, the one with no name. His body comes upright. Looking around he sees nothing but a yellowish, pale straw coloured grass. No movement. No noise. Nothing. Here in this magical world is only half a man. The other half was torn from him while sleeping. The time between a blink and a tear, is all it takes. Is all it took. Without her Steven doesn’t exist. Why would he want to? It’s like having your head removed, you can’t do a thing without it; in fact, you die. Why would Steven want to live now? So he can have her taken from him again.
He stands. His soul crushed. This is one demon that he cannot defeat. Rejection. Failier. Unwant. Un, loved. Pain. Hurt. Neglect. This sums Steven to a tee.
“Why?”
“Well, I could say I told you so. I knew. I knew it would happen.” Steven thought.
“And it hurts.”
“What hurts?”
“I, I blinked and she was gone.”
“Did she leave you? Did she love you?”
“Yes.”
“No. She was never there in the first place. She never loved you, did she?”
Steven’s head drops. His eyes lead him to the ground in front of his feet. The dying, yellow grass is crushed underneath.
“Did she?”
“No.”
“She was never there.”
“Why would she be? I mean, how perfect was it? It was to good to last. Wasn’t it? It was to good to be true. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I brought on all this pain. I loved her. She never loved me.”
There is an eerie silence. Like when a group of people are shocked by someone saying the wrong thing. The stunned silence. Steven looks around. He’s only talking to himself. All the grass has died. It lies flat on the once rich soil. Steven is taken back to a time when this was all so wonderfully beautiful.
“Steven?” An even more wonderfully beautiful voice breaks the silence. A females voice. Her soft, sweet voice is desired to be heard. Men gather form kilometres around just to hear a single note from her. It’s so painstakingly beautiful. Everything she has, does, is; is beautiful. Her features are so yearned for they are recognised instantly by any man. Women fear her.
“Steven? It’s me.”
“Where did you go?”
“No-where. I’ve been here the whole time. Only you couldn’t see me.”
“So is that my fault. Is it my fault that you were invisible?”
“No, but I wasn’t invisible. Honest.”
“How can I trust you when you won’t tell me the truth?”
“But I’m with you now.”
“So does that make it better?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah I’m sorry, your sorry, we’re all sorry, but that doesn’t make me feel better. You hurt me every time you go away. We spend more time apart then we do together. I love you so much, and I show it all the time. You never do. Did.”
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Will you forgive me?”
“Forgive you for what? Lying? What about breaking my heart?”
Again she doesn’t say anything.
“Yes I will. Because I love you!”
Steven quickly turns around to give her a hug. But has he turns he sees her face, her body, her. He stops and stares at her.
“What’s wrong Steven?”
“You’ve changed.”
He takes a step back. It’s nobody he knows, nobody he wants to know. He is afraid of the stranger.
“I’m somewhat afraid of you, but you’re still you.”
“It’s me!” She is troubled by Stevens mind set.
“Yeah, that’s it. It’s You.” He begins laughing at the thought of her, being who she is. Who is she? The one everyone wants? Well, Steven’s different. He wants his one, not everyone elses one.
“Why would someone betray me like that? Why would you betray someone like that? I hate you. You know what? I really do hate you. I’ll tell you a secret, my heart still wants you, but I, I do not want you. My heart wants you. But I don’t want you, you played me like a game of chess. You set me up, made believe was was doing something more then play a game. But you cheated me in the end. Pulling the chair out from under me and kicking the table, destroying the game. Hitting the ground really hurt you know that? I laid there for what seemed an eternity. My entire life I spent wasting away on the ground, waiting to be picked up, waiting for someone to kneel over and help me, someone who cares. You used to care. You were the one that would save me if I ever became trapped. But you played me into it. What for? What would possess such a person to do such an unthinkable thing. Destroying a person. You destroyed me, in the way that I once thought possible. I duped myself. I knew it would happen. I knew. I knew. But I let go. Now; I hate you. How many times have you played this game? I know of two. What a wonderful friendship. What a wonderful waste. What a wonderful waste of a friendship. What did you gain from this experience? Hope? Pleasure? Comfort in knowing someone you once loved is in so much pain for trying to love you? Do you know what? I thought I wouldn’t be able to live without you. I thought it would kill me. I thought I would never recover, never live to see another day. But now, now I know I can move on. I was, am, stronger then I thought. I can live without you. I can live without you, and that, implies, what? I’ll tell you what that implies, that I didn't need you at all!”
Falling to his knees in laughter Steven closes his eyes and rocks his head back to look up into the sky. He re-opens his eyes to see storm clouds. He throws his arms out; but there aren’t any crows today.
The first drops of rain fall freely from the sky. They are released from the cloud, like race horses. They drop, screaming for freedom, tumbling. They are free at last. Falling.
Steven opens his mouth. The water crashes into his body, into the earth. He’s like a small child, seeing rain for the first time. He absorbs the incoming droplets, stealing the freedom they received only seconds before.
The rain hits the earth creating small pools of water in the parched and cracked soil. Soon, the dead grass rises with the water level, floating away in the current. The land becomes a water scape.
As quickly as it arrived, the rain leaves. But not without a ‘going away’ present. An ever lasting impression of mud. Steven’s lower body is stained with muddy water. But he doesn’t care. His arms are still spread out. He closes his eyes again and takes in a deep breath.
“There was once an American Indian warrior, who found a horse. His tribe blessed the horse saying it was good luck. One day, while riding the horse, he was bucked off and broke his leg. His tribe cursed the horse saying it was bad luck. The remaining warriors of the tribe went to battle and were slaughtered by their enemy. His tribe blessed the horse once again, saying it was good luck.”
Steven brings his arms down to his sides and looks at her. He smiles.
“I found you. It was the greatest time of my life. You disposed of me when you were finished. It was the worst time of my life. Now I’m free. Like the rain, bringing life back to the earth, you, brought life back to my world. And it is the best time of my life.”
She was probabily looking at him. We can only assume, but she is there, listening, not wanting to speak, for what ever reason.
“You’re like the weather. You kill the grass, then bring the rain, then grow the grass again. Why? Nobody knows, but you do it. There’s a simile for you. Think about it won’t you? For me?” Steven laughed. He really laughed. It would have been the first time since... It was so out of character, he was genuinely amused.
The first signs of new life emerge from the wet earth. The green sprouts of grass poke their beginnings into the air for the first time. And just like new born babies, they cry and wriggle about in their places.
“New life.”
The grass grows at such a fast rate, by the time Steven stands, it is already at his knees. He smiles, turns around and walks the long walk over the rolling hills of wonderfully green grass.
Steven reaches a far away hill. He turns to see whether she is still there. He is taken back, right back. The grass isn’t there, the black dirt has transformed into red sand. He stares in utter amazement. She’s not there, instead, it’s Julian Braithe. From Aenema, Queensland. The little boy which concocted this dream. The grass is dead because we are back in the real world desert. Where we began the story. The dusky sand blows the clumps of dead grass in circles. Julian smiles and runs back towards his house. His family are waiting on the veranda. They laugh and smile when he runs and jumps onto his wooden rocking chair.
Behind the house storm clouds develop. Lightning flashes. It rolls closer and closer. Clensing the soil once again. We know who is behind the blackness of it all. But she’s to far away, on-top of the horizon.
Emu’s charge the plains wanting to get away. She is there. Some where. A plaque on the house reads ‘Glenmore Estate’. He is there, waiting.
The fore warning of heavy rain arrives, a small stream of water runs between the house and the distant storm.
“The rains are almost here.” Says the father, under his cowboy hat.
“Yeah, she ain’t far now.” Adds the eldest son.
The Braithe family sit and listen and watch the sounds of outback Queensland.