Birth of an Unwanted Child

My mother’s pregnancy with me was probably not a happy one. The only story I’ve ever been told about my birth revolves around her unhappiness at being pregnant at that time. See, my mother has a brother 10 years younger than her and when she became pregnant with me, my sister and brother were already 8 and 9 years old. Apparently, she didn’t want history to repeat itself. All I heard was that I wasn’t wanted. Given this, I am recreating the events of my birth as I imagine it.

Cradling the phone to her ear, my mother replies, “Yes, Mom. I’m in labor. Gerry is gathering the kid’s things together now. Can you or Dad pick Debbie and David up at the hospital?” A few minutes pass as my grandmother answers my mother and relates something her sister has done. “Ahhhhh….Ok, Mom. Thanks.”, my mother replies as another contraction stabs her midsection. Gathering her purse, she hurries out the back door of the house and heads for the car where my father, sister and brother await. She carries a worried frown on her face.

Enroute to the hospital, another contraction hits, causing her to call out in pain. “I hate this baby!”, my brother yells from his place in the backseat. “You don’t want it, Mom! It’s not fair that you hurt for a baby you don’t want!”, he continues. “Sh, David. I’m going to be alright. And, we will love this baby…you’ll see.”, she replies. My mother and father exchange a worried look as they hear my brother mutter behind them, “I never will.”

At the hospital, my mother is whisked off alone to the Maternity area, leaving my anxious father in the waiting room with my sullen brother and nervous sister. Back then, fathers weren’t allowed back in the Delivery Room. Before she is wheeled away, he manages to kiss her and tell her, “I love you, Donna. I don’t care about the baby so long as you are ok.”

Alone in the Labor room she was placed in, my mother begins to pray. Dear Lord, I have sinned against this baby from the start. I have done nothing but complain about this pregnancy and wish it weren’t so. Debbie and David have heard me and now they don’t want this baby, either. Lord, I was wrong. For reasons only You know, I am about to be given a child I never wanted. Please forgive me these sins and let this baby be ok. I’ll deal with the age differences in the children. Just, please Lord Jesus, let this baby be ok. Tears streaming down my mothers’ face, she continues her prayer. Lord, please forgive me all the terrible things I said and thoughts I had. I will love this baby I am blessed with. Please let this baby be ok in body and mind. Amen. As my mother ends her prayer, she looks up. Through tear-filled eyes, she sees a brilliant light hovering over her bed. This light is indescribably bright and fills her with awe and a tremendous sense of peace and well-being. Moments later, a nurse enters the room to take my mother to the delivery room. “Did you see that light?”, my mother asks her. “What light?, the nurse replies, shaking her head at what she thinks are the fanciful thoughts of another mom-to-be. “Never mind.”, my mother answers with a serene smile.

Shortly later, I was born. I had all my fingers and toes. Everything else seemed to be in working order. After my father was assured that my mother was fine, he held me and declared me beautiful. My sister was curious and interested in my arrival. My brother didn’t want anything to do with this intruder, as he saw me.

Whenever I was told the story of my birth, my mother told of how she didn’t want this pregnancy, how she prayed at the end that I would be ok, and the presence of the Light. She has told me that she felt God’s Presence and felt closer to the Lord then more than she ever had. This story made me feel special as a child. It took over 30 years before I realized how much I was affected by her beginning this story with, “I didn’t want this pregnancy…”