Death and the Effects

In the picture the four of us stood, each in our own poses. Catherine to one side winking and smiling her beautiful smile, Meghan in the middle grinning from ear to ear with one arm around Catherine and the other around Rebecca-Lynn, and myself a little separated from them only a centimeter or two not far enough away to be considered out-casted or out of the picture but not as close as they were physically. Now emotionally we all were close to each other beyond belief. Although I stood apart from the others I loved them dearly and protected them the best I could they all meant so much to me. Although I lived on my own they never called after ten even though I never got off work till twelve. They'd never call before ten in the morning either. I couldn't get it through their heads that I was alone they wouldn’t be bothering anything and they could ALWAYS call, even just to talk. I tried to be the best friend I could possibly be and protect them everyway I could. They hated it sometimes for I can get quite annoying by doing that.

I held the picture in my hand remembering that day. Jason took the picture of all four of us in the park that day. We had just celebrated Meghan's nineteenth birthday...to think she'd never reach twenty. All due to me: not being able to protect her when she needed it most. Today I stood up in an auditorium giving a speech about rape and murder while others spoke of other crimes and other dangers to look out for. The picture was scanned and was shown up behind me on the large screen.

"Two weeks ago I lost my best friend to a murder rape. This is a very serious matter. Many of you who sit in the audience believe that rape happens and people should move on. Yeah shit happens but rape and murder shouldn't! Taking a life and taking something important to someone away is nothing to boast about! The victim if they survive has to live with the torment and torture of what happened that day every day of their lives, experiencing it over and over again! Never once living it down or being able to 'move on'." I said with quotations. My anger started to boil and I felt tears starting to sting my eyes, I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued

"They bare with it and live with it and continue living with it. Its not something like a bad grade that you can shrug off your shoulders and try again. You lose a life or your virginity...you lose it only once. Now if the victim didn't survive they wouldn't have to live with that turmoil and torture BUT their family and friends do. They live with the pain and the torment of what the victim went through and they have to learn to live with it. Losing a best friend is one of the worst feelings in the world..." I paused to gather my composure before I lost it.

"Its worse when they are torn from the living. When their life is ripped from this very existence. The other ones living cannot express how they felt about their loved one anymore and if they didn't when they had the chance guilt spreads over and the pain hits again harder with guilt added to it. Now I live every day with the knowledge of my best friend being raped and stripped from this earth. I'll never hear her sweet voice or her laughter ring in the air. I'll never be able to hug her and hold her when times are rough. I never got to tell her that she was the greatest best friend anyone could ask for. In the old tales it is said that the dead can hear our thoughts...it may be true and she can hear what I’m thinking, but I’ll never know cause I didn't get to TELL her. There are others out there whose friend and family member was ripped too early from this world. To take a human life is condemning your soul and torturing the souls of others. Even if that life is your own." At this point I rolled up my sleeves and the camera came closer in to show on the screen behind me my wrist. The cuts were there they were not deep yet but they were getting deeper day by day.

"Suicide does the same thing as murder, only you take your own...and that hurts people as well for you take your own and they wonder if it was something they did to drive you to it. With me I blame myself for my friends death and rape for I was not there as I should've been. But if it weren’t for the friends that are going through the same thing as I am now, I wouldn't have stopped the cuttings. I would not be here today talking about this. What you do to someone else has repercussions to everyone they are involved with."

I finished my speech not the way I intended and started to walk off the stage. To the left I had Catherine, Rebecca-Lynn as well as Jason with tears in their eyes. Before I could fully get off the stage my friends ran to me and embraced me in a group hug. I held back my tears for there were enough in our small group but I hugged back. Smiling to the others I nodded and tucked the picture in my back pocket. Still feeling the guilt of my Meghan's death I would go home today from this place and die....