Inside My Memory

Inside My Memory

I sit tonight with my drink of choice in hand
and I ponder

It has been many years and the question grows restless
again I wonder

Such was my choice made without your consent
do you ponder?

Those moments so long ago indelibly imprinted
do you wonder?

I try as I might to shake off your touch
from inside my memory
Sometimes I escape those long ago moments
that drag me back to purgatory
I ran from your grasp placing distance and time
far between us
Yet these moments still come and I feel inside
that pain so grievous

I stand tonight and I've downed my drink of choice
trying not to remember

Though, memory hazes and numbs in my head
events play on forever

This habit I gleened from your own when you were
trying not to remember

But you always did and the rage swelled your head and
events play on forever

I try as I might to shake off your touch
from inside my memory
Sometimes I escape those long ago moments
that drag me back to purgatory
I ran from your grasp placing distance and time
far between us
Yet these moments still come and I feel inside
that pain so grievous

The old fears still have me strong in their grip as I cry
lonely tears

But the sorrow and anger is slowly receding as I survive
lonely years

I have not convinced myself that I am blameless for your
lonely tears

I do know for sure I had no choice but to leave you to your
lonely years

I try as I might to shake off your touch
from inside my memory
Sometimes I escape those long ago moments
that drag me back to purgatory
I ran from your grasp placing distance and time
far between us
Yet these moments still come and I feel inside
that pain so grievous

February 12, 2002