In a Perfect World, Part II

It was one of those hot days where all you wanted to do was lay at home and do nothing. And so, he did. Calling early in the morning, Lyrell called in sick and decided to dedicate the rest of the day to Sheila. Not that she would have known it, but he wanted so desperately to have everything run smoothly. He jotted across the street to Dominick’s to go shopping for the most romantic dinner he had ever planned in his life. Grabbing a bottle of their favorite sweet Champagne along with some fresh shrimp and linguine, he was ready to go home and cook but it was only 8 am, so he decided to return home for a quick nap. She would definitely be surprised by the man who “never wanted to cook a thing.” But times changed, and so did Lyrell. Being around such an earthy woman who loved life did things to his psyche. She was good with and for him. Closing his big brown eyes, Lyrell gave up the good fight and fell asleep with loving thoughts of his queen.

The loud buzz of his slim silver and black alarm clock awoke him at 4:00 pm. Running his barely-awake fingers through his thick mashed hair, he pushed off the wailing sound as he shut off the alarm button and grumbled to himself. When he pushed the black silk covers off his lean six-foot frame and touched his bare skin, he felt the sweet cool breeze of Lake Michigan kiss his body as he swung his long legs off the bed. Shaking his head he began to move quickly to get dressed and then get dinner started. Sheila would be home at 5:30 pm. She didn’t know of his plans and he needed things to be as perfect as possible. And he wanted nothing more than to see a pretty smile upon her face….and hear a sweet “yes” whispering from her beautiful lips. This was his moment. The moment to finally tell her how much he loved her and how much he needed her in his life – forever. Not in separate apartments, but living together forever.

Like clockwork Sheila rung the bell around 5:25 pm. She was always on time! He smiled as he greeted her at the door, taking off her work jacket and trying to kiss her on the face. She was pushed him away as though he had some germs or something. The vibe was not cute nor romantic.

“Baby, what’s that all about?” Lyrell asked.

“I’m just tired. Can you let me get up in here without grabbing all on me?” She mumbled as she pushed away from his embrace. Her eyes blazed with an unnamed anger and she felt herself about to break as she looked at the sad look on his usually smiling face.

“Oh.” He paused. His brown eyes were downcast as he watched her slump into the soft black leather couch. “You want something to drink?”

“No. Not right now.” Her tight lips responded quickly as to ward off any other conversation. Her eyes were brown slits of rage. “You know, I really am tired. I should go home.” She flipped angrily as she looked at him.

“Come on, boo. You know I hooked up something beautiful for you today.” His voice squeeked as he tried to make light of the situation. Something was not right. “Go ahead and get comfortable and I’ll get you a plate of food.”

She rolled her eyes upward as she quickly walked to the bathroom. No words were ever spoken but the air was thick with tension. Lyrell simply looked at her in antonishment. He couldn’t believe it. She was pissed off at something and that something was destroying the positive vibe he wanted.

In silence they ate and Lyrell couldn’t gage her to see what was in her mind. He played a little Luther, thinking maybe that would soothe her and make her feel better. The only sound in the room was the sweet sounds coming from the three-disc player as both of them sat eating. Lyrell had the strangest feeling. He dared himself to speak. He needed to see where her mind as at.

“Rah…you know we’ve been together for a long time. I love being with you and I want to tell you something uh uh…important.” He couldn’t have jacked himself more if he had really tried.

“Lyrell, what are talking about.” She whined as she snapped. “I mean, just say it…okay?” She spit out as if irritated.

Shifting in his seat and nervously tapping his fingers on the table, he grabbed a hold of the ten-carat platinum ring in his black jacket as he knelt beside her. Looking deeply into her confused eyes, he softly said, “I love you and would love to know…if you’d be my wife.” The shining of the ring caught Rah by complete surprise and her whole body stilled itself. The way he was jerking in front of her really startled her. It’s like he was trying to force it in her face.

All the blood drained itself from Rah’s face as she looked up and down as if someone was jerking her body from side to side. Her heart was beating out of control, and she began to shake but before she could say anything, her body betrayed her. “Ummm….” She ran from the table to the bathroom in a mere few seconds as the shrimp linguine joyfully escaped from her body and her stomach emptied out. What went in as a delicous meal came out like a bitter meal and her stomach felt as though someone had scraped it with a full can of comet. She wiped her mouth which had been dripping with the gooey after effects of the linguine. She couldn’t believe it. He had asked her, now why did he have to go do that?

Wiping her face with a towel, she glanced on the floor and saw splotches of tomato sauce, some shriveled pasta and shrimp tails on the floor, and her lovely throw up laughing at her..taunting her. Not bothering to clean up, she just backed away from the room, ran to grab her jacket and shouted to Lyrell, “Sorry..soo sorry. I gotta go.”

Her eyes pleaded with him to understand and not question.

Not giving up, Lyrell said. “Rah?” He paused as he looked at her trembling body. “Are you okay?”

She haphazardly ran to the door and shamelessly slammed it on the way out. The silence of the room was deafening. Lyrell’s heart was crushed like the red pepper he had added to the shrimp dish. It’s like someone had cut his heart up into tiny little bits to serve up. Internally he bled like he never bled before. His handsome face was carved like a stone and the smile he had wiped itself of his face like an artist had just erased it. His eyes were cold and unfriendly as a winter’s day in Chicago. He couldn’t believe this reaction. What could he done that would have been so bad?

She never gave him an answer to his question. I guess she did in a way. Sometimes you gotta read between the lines.

Scratching his head several times, Lyrell, finally brought himself back to the present day. Was it only a week ago that I tried to ask the woman that I love to marry me? Seven whole days with no response? Should I even try to find out why? Does it even matter? The lady hasn’t even tried to call me back to explain. I page her and she ignores it. I email her and she doesn’t respond back. I mean what did I do that was so wrong? I deserve an answer…and I’m gonna get it.

The ringing of the bell woke him up from his internal grumbling. He ignored it as he struggled to get out of his bed. Grabbing a pair of his jogging pants he hurriedly pulled them on and looked through his peephole.

On the other side of the door, Rah’s heart was breaking. She knew she owed Lyrell an explanation of what was going with her. She meant to tell him sooner but she didn’t know how to tell him. She knew he loved her but that love was gonna be tested. What she was gonna tell him would change everything and he might not even love her – he may even hate her. God, why did you do this? Make me fall in love with this man? All I wanted to do was go out and have fun and not be broken again. I never wanted this. Didn’t need it either. Rah’s eyes were silently feeling with tears that wanted to escape. Tears that needed to be released. Before they could, Lyrell’s door opened and all the breath in Rah’s body vanished like a thief in the night.

“Hi.” Her small voice squeeked.

“Rah. You loook good. Come on.” He smiled generously as he reached for her plaid blue and white work jacket.

Turning away from him Rah hurriedly wiped a tear from her eye as she walked towards the living room. She felt strained and strange. Like this was a dream not a real thing occuring. “Let’s sit down.” Comfortably sitting in her favorite spot on the floor near the couch, she yawned. “I’m sooo tired. I am sorry about last week. I just been going through so much..and keeping it to myself. I love you..for all that it’s worth.”

Rubbing Rah’s tense shoulder, Lyrell shrugged. “No problemo.”

“No. I did you wrong. I did us wrong. I have to tell you something first. What I am going to say will change us forever and it has nothing to do with you.”

“Okay..go ahead. Say it.” He looked directly into her sad eyes. “It’s okay, baby. I see you’re going through a rough time.”

“Ly, you know I don’t like confrontations. There is something I should have told you a long time ago. I never thought I needed to tell you because it wasn’t an issue. Okay..here goes.” She paused as she gripped the softness of the carpet beneath her. “I am a trans.” She stilled herself to see his reaction.

“A what?” Lyrell snapped. “A trans…like one of those women who used to be a man?”

“Yes.” Rah looked downwards and hid her face into her long dreads which dangled before her. She didn’t want to see his reaction. She braced herself as she spoke through her hair. “I was born a man. Yes, I know I should have told you…but it’s not like we ever needed to have this conversation.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You go around playing with people’s emotions.” He snatched his hand back as he struggled with not trying to hit her as hard as possible. “You are something else.”

“I meant to tell you.” Her voice sounded little like a child’s. “Don’t be like this Ly.” She moved forward to touch him but he pushed her off of him. “I am a woman now though. I am..”

“Look, before I hit you or something goes horribly wrong I want you to leave. Just leave and give me a couple of days to think about this.” He moved toward the window and did not turn back to look at her.

She sniffled,”Okay.” Grabbing her jacked she said. “I am sorry Ly. The only reason why I didn’t tell you was because I knew you wouldn’t even love me like you did. Like you are doing now. I know you’re mad – but I had my reasons and I was being selfish.”

Quietly closing the door she left Lyrell to his own musings as she exited his apartment. Lyrell stared blankly outside his window and beckoned Lake Michigan to ease his pain. He was in deep need of something – something to make this pain unreal. Something to make it go away. Why would God be so cruel to him?