Hope

Suicidal. Losing thrive. A letter to parents who were nneglectful. Fictioned non-fiction.

Original draft from 2006, edited today, 04.14.25



What good is a name if it doesn't mean anything?

What good is a life if it's lived with no reasons?

It's ironic how we say
It's all about that person who lives inside
like that little girl
who lives and loves life
fearlessly,
unapologetically
Innocently
and dreams in kaleidoscopes

Disguised
as Kahu's
(In Hawaiian, "kahu" refers to a protector, guardian, or caretaker of something cherished)
They
Arrogantly
Ignorantly
Consistently
Neglect her and instill fear
on a daily

She asks questions to gain understanding
Yet they misguide her comprehensive intention
To gather truth
She's speculating
How
Speculated
She's been
They gas lit her and called for backup
As they kept feeding the fire
That would eventually burn her

Told the deaf woman she could hear just fine
It took multiple men
multiple times
to hold her down
Get the handcuffs on
for no reason beknownst to even themselves
Their faces are all stuck as if it's a mystery
But it is My STORY
"why is no one listening to me?"
Sheeple continue hearing what their ego craves
it's just whatever their story is
that gets accepted as reality
Not even real HiStory
Justifies their jurisdiciton

Nine sets of hands to hold her down as they negate her
and tell her to stay still
Full hand in face, pushing her head back down
so they can forcefully sedate her
Against her will
medicate her
to put her out of the ability to express truths
Narc's need to dim the light on what's really happening
never having her hearing aids the entire fight
they desert her like a slave, chained to a bed in the main room
til morning from the prior night
for everyone to watch
with no couth

We put her under a psychologically driven microscope
She's constantly supervised
Under investigation
To find the reason
to her unfortunately
Passive agressively planned
destination
of how she died
inside
and why she cried
inside
and why they all died
inside
When her decided creators
Weren't there to hold her
Not even to scold her
To tell her what was wrong from right
Right
Right from wrong
Wrong
Destitute without family, love, support or money
Age 15; she escapes from her orphanage of a home

She needed to find her parents on her own
Found out about their whereabouts from eaves-
dropping,
-in,
In on the secretary
Snuck through her own files to make sure her escape
From this place would be worth while and necessary

But she was disgraced and devirginized
Being raped as she attempts her escape
Staggered through lonely streets that night
Looking for her reason of life
She questions herself feeling very angry and confused
As to why they didn't just abort her as a fetus
But they did as a kid...

Noticing the streets of lifes journey have no lights
To lead the way
She can't see nor anticiapate where she's going
because she doesn't even know where she came from
All she knows is that she's been stabbed and left
with the rapists knife

Deciding when she finds that man
and finds his wife
Her source of birth
to this disastrous life
She'll tell them she lost her name
When she is certain the donor and carrier is in her electromagnetic field
She being in their field of sight
and close enough for the sound that leaves her mouth
to properly enter their ears
to vibrate in the frequencies they understand on
Confidence encourages her from the simple act of being paid attention to
They'll be able to
See and hear
Her
When she takes that knife and proclaims to them
She feels like she's at the end of her rope.
That she has lost Hope
She has lost all of Hope
She's lost her Hope
And why shouldn't she die?
Why should she forgive?
You? Him? Her? Them?
All those who lie?
Why?
Herself?
Why should she live?
There's no support or explanation with meaning as to why
Seeing no reason for her life
Two full fists wrap backwards around the knife
She cathartically puts all her effort into the success of this mission
Pushes through
Just on to the left,
into the chest
as she makes an admission
Say goodbye to your daughter,
and her namesake,
Hope.