Returning

Keyes beneath my fingertips. Hello, old friends. It's nice to feel you again. To feel me again. To freely dot away concocting meaning again.

It's been too long.

As autumn droops down caressing the ground with golden leaves old memories surface, memories of connections lost play and replay with the darkening of night. They hold me captive and caged, longing for a treacherous and distorted love, one I cannot explain. My grief amplified, my heart diminished. Alone.

I'm never as alone as I am when I am home.


As I am when I've returned to my roots, feeling my leaves ruffle wanting to take flight. They too drop to the ground here, the dark becomes me, I've tuned with the season. An unmothered one, speaking her mother-tounge. With my life I pay ransom, with each breath of debilitating pain I reimburse the turns I took that led me further away from my own. As I lay restless in the night, and hate myself by morning, I pay.

Oh Sister Destruction, why did I choose to give myself to you. Why do I keep choosing you?