Journal entry 1

Day 1 of being back to my starting point. Sometimes I blame the people that I interact daily with for me getting caught back into my old habits, while other times I blame myself for not seeing myself falling into my old habits, and sometimes I don’t know who to blame. While other times I feel like there is no one to blame, I tell myself I’m going to do better or work on myself for real this time, and I actually believe what I say but for some reason the outcome rarely changes each time. Am I destined to be someone that carries a facade with me everywhere I go? I so deeply want better for myself, I want to be able to change, I want people to see me as the person I aspire to be, and yet I’m not even that person. I genuinely ask myself why can’t I put my words into action, why can’t I change?