High Anxiety

Marsha

I was just walking and thinking. My thoughts were jumbled but filled with Todd at the sametime. Every time I thought of him my stomach clenched. Was I in love? It had only been a week, but we had held hands and talked for hours, kissed after the second time he drove me home. I could tell him everything. But, it had only been a week! I fished my phone from my purse. I had to talk to him.

“You home?” I texted.

I waited. The text chime sounded and I looked.

“Sure Babe. Come on over. Or I can pick you up.” was his reply.

“I ‘ve got my car. I need to see you.” I pressed send and put my phone back.

I could barely think as I drove, but I managed to concentrate. His apartment building loomed like a dragon ready to breathe fire. I also had his front door key after only a week!

I knocked. When Todd opened the door I collapsed into his waiting arms. He enclosed my shaking body and rubbed my back gently. I moved to his side and he held me as we walked to his sofa. We sat and I laid my head on his shoulder as he caressed my hair.

“What is it Sweetie?” God, he sounded so concerned. I was a mess and he knew it.

“This is happening so fast,” I said shakily, “I don’t know what to do.”

“About what Baby?” he asked.

“About us,” I said and lifted my head to look him in the face, “I can tell you everything. I love it when you touch me. It’s only been a week.”

His concerned brown eyes regarded my face. I was almost in tears. In his eyes I could see that his heart was breaking. Was it seeing me so upset or something else?
He kissed my forehead. “I’m scared too, but because I’m not sure how fast we should go. Everything is just happening.”

“I know,” I answered softly.

He got up off the couch. “How about a Latte? I bought some mix to make the Pumpkin Spice at home.’

I smiled then. He always knew what I needed. I nodded.

Todd had a small kitchenette, and I could see in, and I watched him as he busied himself with the Lattes. He looked so pensive. He kept looking up and smiling at me reassuringly. The kettle boiling made me jump. Thankfully his back was turned as he took two mugs from the cupboard.

He walked back into the living room, and I relaxed. His presence could just calm me. He sat and passed me one of the cups. The warmth, the steam calmed me more, but made me think of the obvious heat that existed between us. We sipped quietly for a moment.

“There might be something that can help,” he said, “I have to go out on ship for a week or so just partoling the South Shore of the Island. While I’m gone you can take time for yourself and think.”

All of a sudden, I was confused, frightened even. “You’re leaving?”

“Just for a week or so, no more. We talked about this.” he said.

We had discussed him having to be away for periods at a time. I needed him so much now, but I knew this couldn’t be avoided. I nodded.

“Will we be able to text?” I asked.

“Not while I’m onboard,” he explained, “As soon as I get back to shore I will text you then. We can get together and talk. “

I relaxed but anxiety battled with my calm. Our first separation. But there was only one way my heart would allow me to react.

I moved in and hugged him. His breath was soft in my ear as his arms held my waist tightly. He moved back from me and gazed into my still troubled eyes.

“The day after tomorrow I leave. We’ll go to dinner tomorrow. Okay?”

“Alright,” I answered.

“Everything will be fine,” he said softly.

I cuddled back in. I wanted to drink him in. Drink us in.

Everything will be fine, He said so.

Todd

I didn’t know how I was going to tell her, but I had to before tomorrow night. The decision of when was made for me when my text alert chimed.

“You home?” was all she texted. I sighed and texted back

“Sure Babe. Come on over. Or I can pick you up.”. I was hoping to pick Marsha up and see her as seen as possible, but I would have to wait a while more.

“I ‘ve got my car. I need to see you.” Was all she said. She sounded upset or something. My stomach went into knots and my mind started whirling. She had seemed excited but still a bit off all week. Things were going well. Or were they?

A few minutes later she knocked on my door. She fell into my arms when I opened the door. Marsha was shaking. There was something going on. I put my arms around her and rubbed her back as reassuringly as possible. Talking was not a problem for us, so I was sure she would tell me what was going on. She laid her head on my shoulder when we were settled on the couch. God, this woman meant so much to me. Was a about to ruin the whole thing?

“What is it Sweetie?” I asked softly. The shaking had subsided but she clung to my like I was a life preserver.

“This is happening so fast,” she said shakily, “I don’t know what to do.”

“About what Baby?’ I asked.

“About us,” she lifted her head and looked me straight in the face when she answered “I can tell you everything. I love it when you touch me. It’s only been a week.”

I was struggling to be strong for her while my own feelings flooded me. She looked so frightened, and it broke my heart.

I kissed her forehead. “I’m scared too, but because I’m not sure how fast we should go. Everything is just happening.”

“I know,” she answered softly.

I needed to make her feel better, and I hoped one of her favorite things would do the trick, “How about a Latte? I bought some mix to make the Pumpkin Spice at home.’ Her smile lit up her entire face. I inwardly sighed with relief.

I went into the kitchen, thankful that I could look out and make sure Marsha was doing well. While I boiled the kettle and filled our mugs with mix I started planning how I would give her the news. She was so upset. The kettle boiling had made her jump. I could feel her eyes boring into me as I got two mugs from the cupboard. When I finished making the lattes I carried them to the sofa. The look in her eyes was so confusing. Trust and relief coupled with extreme anxiety. I passed her her Latte.

“There might be something that can help,” I said, “I have to go out on ship for a week or so just partoling the South Shore of the Island. While I’m gone you can take time for yourself and think.”

My heart sank as a look of fear entered her eyes, “You’re leaving?”

“Just for a week or so, no more. We talked about this.” I said.

I had been sure to tell her early on about having to go away occasionally. I wanted to make sure she knew what being with me would be like. We had never really discussed details.

“Will we be able to text?” she asked.

“Not while I’m onboard,” I explained, “As soon as I get back to shore I will text you then. We can get together and talk. “

I waited and prayed this would not be good bye.

She moved in and hugged me. I devoured the feel of her heartbeat as I held her. Marsha finally moved back and looked at me. The look of trust melted my heart.

“The day after tomorrow I leave. We’ll go to dinner tomorrow. Okay?”

“Alright,” she answered.

“Everything will be fine,” I said softly.

She cuddled into me again. I hope she hadn’t noticed me physically relaxing.