she jives by night

Boy: I love you.

Girl: I love you, too...I think...

Boy: How do you know?

Girl: 'Cuz I feel it...

I recalled a distant lover who was a little in, a little out, and a little more out, who would use a calculator to add up the total of her existence.

She was addicted to sugary cereals, had a strict upbringing, trusted very few people, and needed to be indulged with a lot of psychoanalytical mumbo jumbo.

They all thought she was just a Stoli and blow debutante with a history of blowing a .09 into breathalyzers, possessing a get-out-now mentality, and thinking it was always time for payback.

But I didn't care; she could talk a living language and was always moving in on my brain and making my water a little hot.

One foggy Christmas Eve, we were drinking some clear malt liquor (it was all the priest had) in the backseat of my '66 Chevy Chevelle when she suddenly said, "Look down my throat. What do you see?"

"There's a slight rosiness."

"It's hot, and it's wet."

"Uh huh."

"Sound familiar?"

And then she put a maneuver down my spine that caused me to ejaculate inside my boxer briefs instantly.

After I recovered, she looked at me through pinkish-white irises and said, "You're a Sagittarius, aren't you?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Ya'll are always walkin' around with a shell between you and the rest of humanity. Always trying to be a daredevil with your fate. God knows I love ya, though."

Her snaking tongue slithered across the edges of my teeth, and she slid a finger under her panties and began caressing herself. "Mmmm...Did you know Cleopatra committed suicide by placing an asp on her bosom?"

I tried to shake my head, but it was wedged between the door and the backseat.

"I believe she would have gotten more bang for her buck if she had allowed it to nibble on her clit a little bit... but maybe that's just my unacceptable vulgarity talking."

Suddenly, her eyes rolled back within her head, and her body was twisting and bucking and twitching like she was experiencing the clonic phase of a grand mal seizure. I thought she was going to kick out the windows with her legs. I'd never seen a woman come so quickly or so intensely.

When her orgasmic tremors finally subsided a few minutes later, she looked at me and smiled.

"You certainly know how to put a woman in her universe," she said, and she drifted off to sleep.

I took one last pull from my malt beverage and reveled in the fact that there were no heroics, no gunplay, and just a minimum of dramatics that night.