When Your Brother Returns

"When Your Brother Returns"

Aachen, January 1919

Petra waited with the other women. Mothers, wives, sisters, all looking for the names of loved ones. As long as the name did not appear, there was still hope that their loved one had survived the war. If the name was there, it would end the uncertainty of what happened. When she finally got to the war bulletin posted on the newspaper window, she slid her finger down the list looking for 'Bayer, Alfred.' Not there. Petra pulled her coat tighter, turned, and left. A woman's wail meant that someone had found a name.

Four years of the British blockade and the loss of farmers to the army meant that there were still food shortages. Petra was in line at the butcher in hopes that she might get something for dinner. Even a few links of jagerwurst would be better than the turnips and Kriegsbrot she and her mother had been surviving on.

"Did you find his name?" Petra turned to the woman behind her. It was her neighbor Helga.

"No, Gott Sei Danke."

"I'm not sure it's a blessing anymore. At least if Emil was dead I could claim a widow's pension. But not knowing ..." Helga shrugged.

Their conversation was interrupted by the butcher's assistant shouting "Nhste!" Petra approached the counter and saw mostly empty display cases. She looked over the scant offering.

"Schnitzel?"

"Nein! We have some wurst, but don't ask me what they're made of." He had some grayish-looking links.

Petra was about to order when she saw the price. "That's twice the price from last week."

"That's what it is. Do you want them or not?"

"Eins." She would split it between her and her mother. The only money they had was what she had saved working at the now-closed munitions factory.

###

"Is that you, Petra?"

"Yes, Mama." Petra put on her house shoes and started to take off her coat when she realized it was as cold inside as outdoors. Her mother was sitting next to the stove in the same chair she had been in when Petra left. "Mama, why did you let the fire go out?"

"To save coal." Her mother started to cough covering her mouth with an already bloody handkerchief.

"We will find the coal." Petra took off her coat and draped it on her mother. "If not, we can burn wood."

"There goes the furniture." Her mother looked up. "Any news?"

"His name wasn't listed." Petra wadded up an old newspaper, placed it in the firebox, piled some coal on top, and started a small fire. "The butcher had some wurst, but wouldn't guarantee its pedigree."

Petra grabbed a blanket from the bed they shared to wrap around her mother. "Here, this will help keep you warm. I'll make you some tea and start dinner."

She fried the sausage in lard saved from previous meals, and then grilled a sliced turnip in the fat. It would not be that tasty, but it would fill them up a bit.

As soon as dinner was over, the two of them curled up in bed to stay warm. Her mother was asleep quickly with her breath periodically interrupted by coughing fits. Unfortunately, Petra could not sleep as she worried about the many problems she and her mother faced. Food and rent were getting more expensive and what few jobs that were available were going to veterans.

###

"Fraulein Bayer!" Petra was woken by the knocking on the door. She must have eventually fallen asleep. Their clock showed that it was already seven.

"Fraulein Bayer!"

"Kommen!" Petra nudged her mother. "Mutter, I have to get the door."

"Jah, Schatz." Her mother slowly got out of bed taking the blanket with her.

Petra donned her coat before answering the door. It was their landlord. "Herr Schmidt, we paid this month."

"I know, Fraulein Bayer. I am here to tell you that the rent is going up."

"What? We've been here for --"

"I know. And you have been good tenants. Like everything else, my expenses have gone up. I am telling you so that if you cannot afford the new rent, you have time to find a place to live."

Someplace else? Where? How would her brother find them if he came back? They'd already moved once after her father died. Petra now had a new set of worries.

"Fraulein!"

Petra realized Herr Schmidt was still talking. "Sorry, you were saying?"

"I said that if you are looking for work. I heard the Occupation is hiring. Maybe ..."

"Danke, I'll look into it."

Petra closed the door and looked at her mother sitting by the cold stove. She went over, started a fire, and made up some of the ersatz coffee for her mother. While it brewed, she dressed and tried to make herself look presentable.

###

There was a long line at the British military headquarters. Some were there looking for loved ones who might be prisoners of war. Many, like Petra, were there looking for work.

Finally, she got to the table where two British soldiers were sitting."Name?"

"Petra Bayer."

"What do you want? Was willst du?"

"I am looking for work." She answered in English hoping that would help get her work.

"You speak English?"

"Yes. I learned in Meine gymnasium."

The soldier looked at the one next to him. "She learned at a gym?"

"Secondary school." The second soldier turned to Petra. "Have you worked before?"

"I worked at a munitions factory."

"Made the shells that bombed us." said the first soldier.

"Nein. I only cleaned." Petra knew that she was not entirely true. She'd been studying chemistry at the University and was hired to assist in and clean the research laboratory.

"Right." The soldier asked a series of questions while filling out a form. When he was done, he handed it to her. "Sign it and take it over there." He pointed to a door marked 'Mitarbeiter,' 'Employees.'

"Pay?"

"Ten marks at the end of the week." He looked at the next person. "Nhste!"

Petra walked away. Ten marks was less than she earned at the munitions work but it would keep her and her mother until her brother returned.

###

Petra got up early and wrapped her hair like a putzfrau. Satisfied with the result, she remembered when her family had a housemaid who came in three times a week to clean their apartment.

She put on her coat. "Mama!"

"Ja, Mein Schatz?" Her mother was still in the bed.

"I'm leaving now. Your breakfast and coffee are on the stove."

"Danke." Her mother got up and walked over with the blanket wrapped around her. She looked at Petra. You were going to be a scientist. And now you are just a cleaning lady."

"We need the money."

"It will be better when your brother returns." That had become her mother's answer to everything since the war ended.

"I know. I'll try and get to the shops today, if not, we have enough for the next few days." Shortages had made shopping a major endeavor that had occupied much of Petra's day. Her mother's failing health meant that she could not be relied on to take over the effort.

###

Petra reported to the Barracks which the Occupation forces were using as their headquarters. She and other women waited outside in the cold until the two soldiers from yesterday showed up.

"All Right!" The older of the two shouted. "I am Colour Sergeant Lewis. This here is Lance Corporal White. For those of you that don't speak English, Corporal White will translate." As if to demonstrate, White repeated the introduction in German as he would for the rest of Sergeant Lewis' speech.

"Report on time. Once you've checked in with Corporal White, he will assign you an area to clean. Do NOT go outside your area! The limits will be on the assignment sheet you will be given. If you are found outside your assigned area, you will be assumed to be a spy. Next, you are not to take anything from the building even if it is in the trash. You will be assumed to either be a spy or a thief. Finally, there is no fraternizing with the soldiers. So don't be getting friendly with the troops. If you have any questions, look for Corporal White, here. He speaks your lingo."

With that Sergeant Lewis left and the women checked in with Corporal White.

###

February 1919

It was a rare warm day and Petra, along with the other women, was sitting on the benches that winged the old parade grounds. It was their lunch period; however, most of the women, including Petra were not eating. Corporal White came over to where Petra was sitting. "Fraulein Bayer?"

Petra stood up. "Was? Am I in trouble?"

"No, no." He wagged his hands to have her sit back down. He took a spot next to her. "I noticed you and most of the other women don't eat lunch here."

Petra looked at him. "You cannot eat what you do not have. Food is scarce and expensive. What we have, we save for our families."

"Do you have a family?"

"My mother. My brother is still missing."

"Ah!" He sat there for a bit. "Your English is very good for a cleaning woman."

His questions concerned her. Did they know she had worked in the munitions laboratory? Would it mean she was fired? She assumed lying would get her fired. "I was at university when the war started."

"What were you studying?"

"Chemistry."

He nodded and took out a cigarette. "I was never much for books. More hands-on." He offered one to her, which she refused.

Petra knew she was younger and prettier than most of the other cleaners and soldiers often flirted with the German women working at the headquarters. She was quiet and hoped that the corporal would leave. He sat there and continued to smoke.

She knew that even if he did not make the assignments, he controlled them. It was in her interest to be polite. "You're German is very good." She said.

"Vielen Dank." He stubbed out his cigarette. "My father was German. He came over to London to work, married my mother, and decided to stay. When the war came, we changed our name. Weiss became White and Ernst became Earnest. I'm Earnest, by the way."

"And you joined the Army?"

"Conscripted. Along with both my brothers."

"Were you not worried --"

"About fighting our cousins? Yes." Corporal White spotted Sergeant Lewis and quickly stood up.

"Sergeant!"

"What are you up to White? You know the rules about fraternizing."

"Yes, Sergeant. I was just asking Fraulein Bayer why the women weren't eating."

"And the reason?"

"They don't have anything to eat." Letters from his cousins in Heidelberg told of the starvation among many Germans. "I was thinking we might feed them lunch on days they're working. Good for relations with the locals. German women tend to rule their households."

"That's no different than Wales." Sergeant Lewis snickered. "Not a bad idea, I'll talk to the Commissary Sergeant. Meanwhile, time to get back to work."

"Yes, Sergeant." Lewis turned and left. "Zurk an die Arbeit." Corporal White shouted at the women.

Petra stood up to leave and then turned to Corporal White. "Danke, Corporal White for asking."

###

A few days later, Sergeant Lewis and Corporal White spoke to the women.

"Listen up!" Sergeant Lewis announced. As in the past, Corporal White translated.

"The British Army had no fight with the German people. Our fight was with the Kaiser and his generals." There was a murmur among some of the women. Sergeant Lewis waited until the group was quiet again. "While we cannot feed everyone, we can make life a bit easier for you lot. Therefore, from now on, you will get a midday meal on those days you are scheduled to work." At first, the crowd was silent, then applause and cries of 'Danke' and 'Vielen Danke' came from the women. "Quiet down. Now there are some rules which Corporal White will explain and then show you to the canteen. Corporal White." He then turned and left.

Corporal White explained that the women would be served at the canteen after the troops had been fed and would not be allowed to take any food home because the Army did not want to promote black market activities. He then led them to the canteen. Petra stopped to talk to Corporal White. "Danke, Corporal White. I know this was your effort."

"It didn't take much. Sergeant Lewis and the Commissary Sergeant know what it is to starve."

"That may be so, but it was you that asked. Thank you."

During the next month, Corporal White and Sergeant Lewis would often take lunch with the women. Sergeant Lewis started to pick up the language and Corporal White spent time with Petra.

###

March 1919

A month later, Sergeant Lewis had his regular meeting with Captain Ward, the headquarters commandant.

"I've noticed you and your corporal spend a great deal of time with the cleaning women."

"That's part of the job. Keeping up with the workers. Besides, I know what it's like to deal with an invading Army."

"How? You're English."

"Welsh! Sir. I was working in the Cambrian mines when Churchill sent the Army in."

"Right. And White?"

"He's a good man. Promoted because he was Mentioned in Dispatches. Speaks the lingo like a native. A lot of the women have lost sons and they sort of adopted him."

"Fine as long as you both remember fraternization is forbidden. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, Sir. Since we are talking about White, he's asked to be excused from Church Parade on Sundays. He's Lutheran and would like to attend local Lutheran services."

"I forget he's German."

"No, Sir, he's a Londoner, East End, if I recall."

"I meant, his family's German."

"No more than the King, Sir. After all, his cousin's the Kaiser."

"Careful, Sergeant." An oddity of the War had been that the leaders of the empires involved were cousins.

"No offense meant, Sir. Just pointing out that there were a lot of connections between the two countries before the war."

"Yes, my club lost many of its stewards." The Captain recalled. "Well, you're his sergeant. If you don't think there will be a problem, approved."

"Thank you, Sir. I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

"That's all. If you've nothing else, dismissed."

Sergeant Lewis saluted and left. Once he was outside, he uttered a soft curse in Welsh. He had little love for an officer who had spent the War in England at a supply depot.

Since it was lunch, he went to the canteen to find Corporal White eating lunch with Petra. "White."

White stood up. "Yes, Sergeant?"

"The Captain approved your request about Church parade." He looked over at Petra who was following their conversation. "Just don't be getting into trouble." He looked back at White. "Can't be having you accused of fraternization. Understood?"

"Yes, Sergeant. Thank you."

"Now, that stew looks pretty good. I think I'll grab a bowl. After all, have to continue my language lessons." He went off to join a group of women who were waving at him.

"Church parade?" Petra questioned.

"It means going to religious services on Sunday," White explained.

"And you do not believe in religion?" She asked.

"I was raised Lutheran. I asked to attend a local Lutheran Church."

Petra smiled. "My mother and I attend Citykirche St. Nikolaus. I think you will like it."

"I'm sure I will."

###

Corporal White saw few uniforms when he entered the Church. There were some senior officers 'showing the flag' and he recognized a few intelligence officers in civilian clothes. He and Petra had just spotted each other when two of the cleaners trapped him and pressed him to sit with them. Both had lost their sons and treated him as a surrogate. He shrugged to indicate he had no choice while Petra giggled at his situation.

Although the sisters invited him to lunch, he begged off, telling them that it would constitute fraternization. He caught up with Petra and her mother.

He took off his hat. "Fraulein Bayer."

"Corporal White. Did you enjoy the service?"

"I did. It reminded me of home."

Petra's mother interrupted. "Petra. Wer ist das?"

"This is Corporal White. He and Sergeant Lewis are in charge of the cleaning ladies. It was Corporal White who arranged for us to be fed."

Petra's mother gave a curt response. "Nice to meet you." She then pulled on Petra's arm. "Petra, we need to get home."

"But, Mama. --"

"Home. Now!"

"Ja, mutter." Petra spoke to Corporal White. "I'm sorry. Bis Morgen?"

"Morgen."

Petra and her mother walked off, although Corporal White caught Petra looking back.

###

"Mother that was very rude!" Petra was preparing the Sunday meal after they had returned home.

"What?" Her mother had taken her regular spot in the chair by the stove.

"Treating Corporal White that way. He has been very good to me and the others."

"I'm sure. And what does he want in return?"

"Nothing!" Petra knew there were women who traded sex for food. "He's a good man and just wants to help."

"I'm sure." Petra caught her mother's sarcastic tone.

"He is the reason that you get all our food! Because I can get a good meal at the headquarters. If not for him, you would be starving!"

Her mother just grunted. "This would not be happening if your brother was home."

"I know!" Petra had heard this too often. She finished making her mother's lunch in silence. "Here's your lunch."

"Where's yours?"

"I'm not hungry." Petra went over and put on her coat. "I'm going for a walk."

"To meet your soldier!"

Petra didn't answer.

###

As usual, the next morning Corporal White was handing out the assignments. Petra made sure she was the last in line.

"I apologize for yesterday," Petra said as she was handed her assignment.

"No need, mothers can be that way."

"She should not have treated you that way. You are a good man." Petra took hold of his hand. "Can we talk at lunch?"

"Natlich."

At that moment, Sergeant Lewis came by.

"Morning, Fraulein."

"Good morning Sergeant." Petra smiled at Corporal White and left.

Sergeant Lewis watched her leave. "Well, White, how were services yesterday?'

"Fine, Sergeant." White gathered the papers for women who had not shown up. They would be assigned to the other women as their work was done.

"Good. I can assume then that you will be going again in the future?"

"I will."

"Funny thing. I don't remember you being very religious when we were fighting across France."

"Surviving all that makes you appreciate life differently."

"It does." Sergeant Lewis turned to leave. "Well, it's good to see a man like yourself focus on a better life."

"Yes, Sergeant."

###

Petra was already at the table when Corporal White came over. "Platz frei?"

"Yes, please." Petra pointed to the seat across from her.

Although both of them had things to say, neither knew where to start.

"Fraulein Bayer --"

"Please call me Petra."

"Then you should call me Ernst."

Not Earnest, she grinned. "So, Ernst you wanted to say something?"

"Petra, I like you. I like you a lot."

"And I you, Ernst."

"But the rules -- "

Petra interrupted him. "Now that it is Spring, I like to spend Sunday afternoons taking walks in the parks."

Corporal White knew what she was hinting at. "Any particular park?"

"The Frankenberger Park is very pretty. There is an old castle that is often a meeting place."

"It sounds like a pleasant way to spend a Sunday after Church. Does your mother enjoy the park?"

"She does not like walking, so I usually meet friends or go by myself."

###

"Ernst." Petra stood up when she saw him approaching.

"Petra."

"I was worried --"

"It's a nice park. Would you mind showing me around?"

"It would be my pleasure."

For two hours, they walked keeping their distance so it did not look like they were together. Fortunately for White, there were few other soldiers in the park and those that were escorting young ladies.

Petra finally called their time together to an end. "I need to make supper for my mother."

"Thank you for showing me around." He put his hand out.

Petra gently took it and held it. "My pleasure. Perhaps we can do this again ... next week?"

"I look forward to it."

###

Back at her apartment, Petra took off her coat and put on her apron.

"How was your walk?" Her mother started questioning her. "You met your soldier, didn't you?"

"He is not my soldier. He is a nice man and we work together."

"I've seen the way he looks. I know how soldiers are."

"Soldiers like Alfred?"

"Alfred is a gentleman."

Petra laughed. She knew that the last time Alfred was home he told his mother he had only a few days' leave so he could spend the rest of the time with a shopgirl that he knew. He was also the reason she was thrown out of her parents' house.

"Well, so is Ernst."

###

That first day set the precedence for the rest of the summer and fall. Ernst would go to Citykirche in the morning where his efforts to sit with Petra and her mother were usually thwarted by one or more of the cleaning ladies ambushing him to sit with them. He would grab a quick meal and then meet Petra at one of the parks. They rotated parks and never had more contact than holding hands right before parting. When she returned to her apartment, Petra's mother would comment about her meeting her soldier and that he only wanted one thing. Like the comment about Petra's brother would be returning, Petra learned to ignore her mother.

During the week, Petra was always the last to line up for cleaning assignments so she had a few moments to talk. On the few times that Sergeant Lewis was present, he left before it was Petra's turn to get her assignment from Corporal White. They often ate lunch together. Initially White sat with different groups until the women insisted that he sit with Petra. Since Sergeant Lewis also made it a habit of eating with the women, their officer had no reason to think that either of them was fraternizing. It helped that both Lewis and White were decorated combat soldiers and Captain Ward had spent the war in England.

###

November 1919.

Despite Aachen's cold and wet fall weather, Petra and Ernst continued to meet in the parks. This week they had chosen to meet in the zoo. They had been walking when Corporal White motioned her to sit on a bench with him.

"Petra, the Rheinland Commission will be taking over soon."

"I know."

"It means that I'll be going back to London."

"Will you be staying in the Army?"

"No. Not for me. I've a job lined up with a family friend."

"That will be good for you."

"I've told my parents about you."

"You have?"

"Yes. My mother said she would like to meet you."

"Is she coming here?"

"No."

"Then it will be difficult to meet." Petra wondered where Ernst was headed.

"Not if you come to England with me."

Petra turned to look at him. "How?"

"I'm not doing this well." He took her hand and looked at her. "Petra, I want you to be my wife."

"Oh, Ernst."

"I know that we have a strange courtship."

"We've never even kissed."

"I know and I would really like to hold you in my arms and kiss you. But, I've gotten to know you -- "

"You know Petra, the putzfrau."

"No, I know a Petra who is smart, pretty, and resilient. Someone I can build a life with no matter what happens."

"And, my mother?" It had been years since her mother could take care of herself.

"Once we're married, I can bring her over. She can live with us."

Petra grinned. "Oh, you are so certain I would agree that you have us an apartment."

"No, my parents said they can find rooms for us in the hotel they manage. Your mother can have her own room."

Petra sat there looking at their hands. Eventually, she spoke. "Can I take time to think about it?"

"Of course. But we've been told we're leaving at the end of the year."

"Soon. I will let you know soon." She let go of his hands and stood up. "Now I must be going."

They walked a bit further when Petra pulled Ernst into a stand of trees. He did not need to be told why. He pulled her into him and gave her a passionate kiss which she returned. They finally broke. "Oh, Ernst, you have just made a very strong argument for me to say yes." She whispered. They heard a family approaching so they exited the trees.

###

Petra hung up her coat. She did not know how to tell her mother the good news.

"So, you were off with your soldier again."

"Yes, Mother."

"And you insist that he behaves himself."

"Mama, you would know that if you ever talked to him after Church. He is a good man. He asked me to marry him and come to London."

"You told him no." This was a statement, not a question.

"I told him I would think about it."

"Are you pregnant?"

"NO! We've only kissed once." Petra could not get the feeling of that moment out of her mind.

"Then you have to say no." Her mother was insistent.

"Why? He is good and kind. He already has a job and a place to live for when he goes back."

"And me? What would happen to me?"

"His family manages a hotel. We would be living there and you could have your own room."

"And your brother?"

"What about him?"

"How will he know where we are when he comes home?"

Petra just looked at her mother. She had been hearing this since her brother had gone missing. "HE'S NOT COMING HOME! Do you understand that Mother? It's been years and we have heard nothing! NOTHING! he's either dead or doesn't want to come home."

"He will come home."

Petra stood there looking at her mother. The idea of her son returning was the only thing keeping her going. No matter what Petra or others said, she would never accept that he was gone. Without Petra, her mother would die and Petra would feel guilty for the rest of her life. She realized what this meant. Tears slowly trickled down her cheek. She wiped her face and put on her apron.

"Ja, Mama. He probably will." More tears. "I'll start on our supper."

###

The next morning, Petra tried to avoid Corporal White. She made sure she was first in line, took her assignment, and went to work.

Later that morning, Corporal White caught up with her cleaning one of the offices."Petra. Was ist los?"

Captain Ward had just entered the room. "Is there a problem?"

White straightened up. "Nothing, Sir. The Fraulein didn't look well this morning and I was checking on her."

"If she's ill, she needs to be sent home. Can't be infecting the headquarters with this flu thing going around."

"I am fine, Sir." She responded in English. "I just did not sleep well last night." She had spent most of the night crying.

"And I remind you, Corporal, this is a British Army headquarters. We speak English."

"Yes, Sir."

The Captain grabbed some papers and left.

"Petra?"

She tried not to look at him. "We need to talk."

"Lunch?"

She needed to tell him in private. "No, after work."

###

White addressed the woman in the shadows. "Petra?"

"Ernst." She stepped out. "Let's walk over to the Cathedral. We can talk there."

They settled into some pews in the back.

Corporal White spoke first. "I'm guessing you've made your decision."

"Yes." She whispered.

Ernst sat there. He knew what she would say, but needed to hear her say it.

"First, I love you, Ernst. You are the kindest man I've met in a long time. Not just to me, but to others. I can see that we would have a good marriage."

"But your answer is no."

"Ernst -- "

"Why? If you love me, why?"

How could she tell him? "My mother."

"She can come with us. My parents will sponsor her."

"I told her. She won't leave. She is waiting for my brother."

"Your Brother!" Ernst shouted, drawing angry glances from the worshippers. "What does your brother have to do with it?" He whispered.

"She is waiting for his return."

"You told me he's been missing for years. Soldiers that were coming back are back."

"I know, but she won't accept it."

"So, leave her!" He realized how idiotic that sounded. "I'm sorry. That was stupid. I know you can't leave her." He leaned forward, twisting his hat in his hand. "So, that's it. You'll stay here and I'll go back. And both of us will be miserable."

Petra put her hand out and stroked his cheek. "Ernst. You are a good man. You will find someone else."

He sat up. "You assume I'll be looking."

"No, I think love will find you."

"And what will you find? Petra, what will you find?" He stood up and left.

She watched him leave. She didn't have an answer.