Twisted Affections

Warning, the following content is not suitable for some audiences and can trigger others. Please proceed with caution as it tackles a rough topic such as rape (it does NOT romanticize it, but it talks about the emotional trauma and build back of those feelings as a direct cause.)

“Alright mama, I’m headed over to Bianca’s,” Marcus said as walked towards the front door, nearly tripping over a toy or two. “Jesus! Come pick up your toys!” He called out, hearing the robot's mechanical noises and loopy sounds ringing from the motor. When he gets no response from him, he yells out once more. “Jesus! I swear that boy..” He mumbled as he advanced close towards the hallway to find Vanessa coming out. “Could you go get-” Interrupted by her hushed voice, and finger placed over her lips. “He’s sleeping, I’ll pick it up.” Marcus stepped to the side to let her through, nodding with a small ok rolling off his tongue.

Slowly he crept closer to the door, pushing the rest of it open to find Jesus as snug as a bug in his blankets. Half of them on the floor, the other half around his legs. Soft steps led him closer where he promptly lifted the covers off the floor and tucked him in, a gentle kiss on the forehead, a last goodbye as he walked out of the room.

He found Vanessa running around cleaning up all the little items on the ground, she was sweet to her brother, it was like a sense of pride ran through him every time he thought about it. How he raised them to be considerate and mindful, just like their mother.

“Vanessa, if ma has to take another shift later, tell her to call me, ok?” She raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Where are you going?” “Just out to Bianca's, why? Want me to pick you something up when I come back?” He asked, Vanessa opening her mouth for a moment before closing it. “And mom is letting you go?” “I mean- yea, I’ll be back tonight” He shrugged, making her turn on her heels and nod. “Ice cream and gummies. The shark ones specifically.” And with that, she walked back down the hall, arms full of toys.

Snorting out a laugh, he shook his head, scratching the back of it and walking towards and out the door. Keys rattled in his pocket as he continued down the street. Bianca lived maybe a neighborhood over, definitely not the closest, but the walk was well worth the while.

In truth, he had his permit and would drive around whenever small tasks became too much for his mom, but knowing she could be called in for more hours and taking the car from her really didn’t sit right with him. Not to mention, he wasn’t sure he would have enough money for gas. God, he needed to look for a job.

The long walk was refreshing, especially for the weekend. He knew he had school on Monday, which all the more made him dread going back. It wasn’t that he had a particularly rough time, but rather the hours he had to spend on homework, tied with back to back help with the twins' work.

He hadn’t even realized he made it over to her house, zoning in when the door opened, his settings changing drastically to a patchy lawn, with a mix of overgrowth and brown bald spots. In front of him was the old white door and dirty brick steps behind him. She smiled, pulling her crop top down. “Marcus?” His eyes floated over to hers, mirroring her smile. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun, it puffing out above her head. “Hm?” He hummed, blinking a few times. “You gonna come in or stand there looking shy? Wit your cute ass.” She tsked, stepping to the side to let him in.

Before he stepped inside he kissed her cheek, wrapping one hand around her waist. “How you doing today?” Marcus asked, letting his hand slip off her waist with the further he walked inside. “My day was aight, can I get ya some water? Snacks?” She sauntered around him while he took his shoes off. “Nah, I’m ok, your parents home?” “Nope, we got the place to ourselves”, she smiled, making another circle around him. "That means movies as late as we want.. And it is Saturday so..” She purses her lips, “You stayin the night?”

“Yea if my ma don’t got work, otherwise anything is on the table.” Marcus replied, standing up straight and looking down at her slightly. “Oh aight”, she shrugs, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom. “We got hella options tonight, swear imma scribe with as many movies as I wrote down.” “Oh yea?” Marcus raised an eyebrow. “And what pray tell do we have on the menu then?”

“So glad you asked bookie, we have creep, uh.” “No.” He said firmly. “No? I think it's good though-” “Once was enough,” he shuttered. “Finee, we have Slow and Clam, Hour Rush, Loud Place, The Walking Corpse, The Bad Doctor, 100 pound sisters-” “Hmm… the walking corpse is something I’ve been meaning to watch”, he inquired as Bianca pushed her door open and let go of his hand to jump onto the bed

“Perfect, oh that reminds me! You know Janis?” Sitting down onto the bed next to her he shook his head. “Well that snake is something else! Do you know while dating Caleb she was dating Noah.” Keeping his eyes on her, he smiled, hand coming up and behind her back to pull her closer while she rambled. “I don’t know who they are but I bet that’s devastating for the both of them.”

Leaning into him, she turned on her tv and sighed. “You’ve met Caleb, he’s the brunette with the funky lookin nose.” A laugh rumbled within his chest, “Don’t say that” “Am I wrong? I swear people be mistaken him for a boxer.” “No way, he aint that fit, I’ve seen his arms.” Marcus said, exciting Bianca to get up in front of him, waving her hands. “No cause you know what else, turns out Caleb and Janis were cheating on each other.” Marcus linked his fingers in hers, his eyes lovingly placed on her own, but then it clicked. “Wait- Caleb Downy?” “Yeaaa that motherfucker!” He sat up a bit and squeezed her hand. “You mean the one who was flaunting his relationship with Maya?” “Yea!” “No shit? DAMNNN” He sits back and grabs his mouth.

“Does Maya know?” He asked. “Well she would be stupid not to know now.” Sitting back down next to him. “Where did you find this out?” She opened her phone and passed it to him. “It’s all over his instagram! The dumb bitch done posted it on his main.” “Who, Caleb?” Marcus began to scroll, his eyes widening. “Yea, see right there?” She reached over to point. “Not only did he post Maya, but Janic is only two posts down. Copy and Paste captions too!” Marcus looked up at her. “Maybe you were on to something about him being a boxer, he definitely has two brain cells fighting to be 3rd.” He tsked.

“And want to know something else?” Biance asked, moving closer. “The two were about to duke it out. They met up, earrings and shoes flying only to come to an agreement that it was Caleb's fault.” Marcus titled his head as she spoke. “Well- they aint wrong about that..” “Bro if it was me..” Bianca started, making Marcus lift an eyebrow. “Whatcha mean if it was you? Acting like I aint a loyal-” He scrunched his face. “I’d smack a hoe.” “Even if it was the man’s fault?” “Don’t matter, my hand be balling in a fist just thinkin about it.” She said, waving a fist in the air. Marcus chuckled a bit at the action, taking her balled up hand and kissing her knuckles.

She clicked her tongue, “Kiss ass.” Snickering, he grabs her waist and pulls her closer. “Yea, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.” Rolling her eyes, she grabbed the remote and clicked through Nootflix. “You said the walking corpse?” “Yes ma'am I did” “So, no creep?” Adjusting how he sat, sliding his legs along the side of hers, he tugged her closer. “No. Please don’t make me watch that.” She huffed and puffed before clicking into the series.

He rubbed his hands up and down her thighs, as she pressed her back to his chest. The further they watched into the first episode, the more she pressed back against him. It took everything in him not to move his hips and adjust, but he could feel the way his body was reacting.

Tilting her head back, she smiled, a genuine smile that was hard to get out of her from a crowd. “What?” “Nothinnn” She said with a lowness to her voice. Marcus felt his blood pressure rise and his heart beat race. His eyes flickered over her features, landing on her lips. “Just don’t kiss me like a fish..” Bianca said, the moment kinda ruined, but in a funny way. He laughed a bit, squeezing her thighs as he drew closer, lips only inches from her own.

“You really know how to remind me when I look unflattering huh?” She cracked a smile. “That is what I do best, now shut up and kiss me fish lips.” Reaching her hands up, she interlocked them behind his head and pulled him the remaining inches down. The kiss deepened with each second, Marcus caving to her advances.

…

It being his first time, he didn’t really know what to expect, other than figuring it out as he goes. Somewhere along the road it just wasn’t.. What he liked. He chalked it up to it being his inexperience, but the more sexually intimate they got, the more uncomfortable he became.

“Bianca.. I don’t- this isn't really..” She laid before him, panting underneath his body, limps tangled around his own. “No, this is good.. So good, I need you to keep going.” An uncomfy feeling swelled in his chest as he slowly pushed himself up. “No like I’m for real.”

In a split second, he was on the mattress and Bianca was on top, her hands heavy on his chest. “You’ll feel good, I promise, I’ll make you feel good.” Her moans filled the room rendering Marcus frozen. The weight of her hands felt like a boulder settling onto his chest. He looked up at her, her form bouncing on him. Taking him. Having him. The color drained from his face as she closed her eyes through pleasure, tilting her head back.

He felt himself slipping slowly out of control. He‘s always heard the stories, always imagined if the tables were turned he’d be aggressive and loud and scream, but reality.. This reality was so different. He tried to hold onto a feetling safety, something to ground him. But there was nothing. He passively begged, but she only got louder.

He felt no different than an animal led to slaughter, chained. Control was so far from his reach that maybe pretending would give him the ropes. He was drowning, fighting against the current that was himself and Bianca. His mind cluttered with a million thoughts and yet, none at all. Did he even say no? Why didn’t she listen? Why won’t she listen? Trying anything to quiet the anguish he felt. To shut his senses down, turn time off, close this chapter of memories and every part of him. It was like playing dead and waiting for it to end.

The next thing he knew was the pressure was gone. His ears rang as he looked over to find her walking towards the bathroom, saying something.

Panic washed over him. Panic, disgust, and nothing but numb. Collecting what little bits were left of himself, he got dressed and rushed out the door. He felt contaminated, plagued with bugs crawling up his skin. He didn’t know how much time had truly passed since it all began or when it finally ended, but that it happened, and it happened to him.

It was dark as he trekked down the sidewalk, he felt dirty, unsure of where he was going to go really. He didn’t want to go home and bare his burdens to his mother who was stressed out enough as it was. And to be honest, he didn’t want to talk about it. He just wanted to scrub himself clean, anything to get her off his skin.

He found himself at the doorstep of Michaels house, a few doors down from his own. It took a lot to knock on the door, but when he did he was greeted with a familiar friendly face. “I thought you were chillin at Bianca’s tonight.”

The name ran through his mind, adding a gray hair to his head. When he didn’t answer Michaels face hardened. “Did something happen?” “Can I spend the night?” Marcus asked, a mere shell of his former self. “I mean.. Yea?” Michael responded, stepping to the side as he walked in, worry crossing his features. “Yo.. you good?” “I’m taking a shower”

Michael stood there for a long moment before closing the door and following after him. “Why? I mean.. Soot yourself, do you have extra clothes?” Marcus looked back at him and shook his head before disappearing into the bathroom.

He scrubbed and scrubbed but he could still feel her on him, touching him, all over him. Everywhere. Shame crept through the seams and he started to break down, scared that the sound of his voice would reach unwanted ears. Loss of time, like it was a thing of fiction, and yet he could remember every detail. How she continued even after his pleas. How she touched him, caressed his chest, his face.

He jumped at the sound of a knock. “Are you done, it's been little over an hour my guy, and I know you don’t have that much hair.” Michael called out, getting radio silence for a long moment. “Yea, sorry.” Marcus responded, looking down at the drain and turning off the faucet. He dried himself, wiping, rubbing, a repeat of what he did in the shower but again to no avail. He wanted to cry, scream, anything other than this numb that was continuing to flood his body.

Opening the bathroom door he looked out to find Michael staring at him from within his room. “I need clothes.” Marcus said in more of a demand than a statement. Michael tossed him some moments later, the shirt falling in the hallway, a little out of reach. He put on the pants and covered his chest with the towel before retrieving it and retreating back to the bathroom.

This struck as odd to Michael as he had seen him change on many occasions and not once had he even made an attempt to cover himself till now. “Alright, I’m goin crash on your couch.” Said Marcus, Michael a few steps behind him. “Hold your horses buddy, you not gonna come into my house, use my water and wear my clothes and not tell me what's up.” He said in a joking tone, trying to lift the heavy mood. The closer he got, the more he could see how red his eyes really were, and without his normal snarky remarks, it blew him back a few. “Did yall fight?” He asked. “I’m not talking about it Michael.” “Did you cry?” He pestered, slowly getting closer to him. “It’s honestly not your business.” Marcus retorted.

“I think it is my business when you aren’t acting like yourself dude” “Can you just drop it?” He stressed, not looking at him. “Did she.. do something?” He stepped closer, Marcus flinching away at the thought of being touched. “No. Just- leave it be, ok? I’m just tired.” Knowing he shouldn’t press further, especially after his display of weird behavior, he nodded his head. “Alright.. Let me go get you a blanket then.”

Marcus sat down, zoning out, somewhere else, while Michael came back with the blankets and pillow, placing it down beside him. He knew something was really wrong, but also knew Marcus wouldn’t talk about it if he felt pressured. “Marcus..” He said softly, his eyes finally meeting with his dull ones. He watched as his best friend set up camp on his couch rather than his bed, another odd thing about tonight. But nonetheless, he let it go, saying his goodnights moments later.

Marcus felt as if he didn’t sleep a wink, his eyes heavy in the light of the early morning sun. A timelapse of the morning rolled before him. People up and moving and yet he laid there. It wasn’t until a plate of food was placed in front of him on the coffee table that he really started to pay attention to what was around him.

“Are you ready to talk? Or do you need more time..?” Michael asked cautiously while he sat on the end of the couch. “Something happened that I’m not really ready to talk about. But I will, when I’m ready.” “I respect that and all, but like.. You worry me.” Michael said. This caught Marcus’s attention, causing him to fidget with his hands. “It's just..” He felt his emotions pooling. The dreadful feeling that he was going to break down, his words gagged by the very idea of it. His phone buzzed on the table a good couple of times, making both of the boys look over at it.

“Is that your mom?” He asked, watching as Marcus grabbed the phone, his face deflating into a far more uncomfortable state. “You got a charger?” He questioned. “You gonna answer any of my questions?” Michael retorted, watching Marcus roll his eyes, something that gave him hope that he was at the least bit ok.

“Maybe if you get me a charger.” “Fine, fine, it’s in my room though,” he said, standing up and grabbing the blanket around Marcus’s legs. “Hey!” “Come on couch dweller, get up.” Marcus tsked but got up, following after his friend into the bedroom.

Marcus sat down on the side of the bed, grabbing the long white charger. Once he was all plugged in, he scrolled through the messages on his lock screen. 23 from Bianca and 2 from his mother. He quickly checked his mom's messages, one of them the heart emoji, the other saying goodnight.

He had completely forgotten that his mother might have had work last night, especially after everything, and it was relieving when the only messages were a simple goodnight. In truth, he had silenced his phone the night prior, knowing the outcome was going to wake up the very feelings he was trying to bury.

Michael caught wind of the way Marcus was looking at his phone, that stillness, the void it left. “Leave your phone to charge and let's go eat, I plated your food for you too princess.” This made Marcus smile, the first smile Michael was able to get out of him. It was progress, good progress of distracting Marcus for even a minute about the way he was feeling.

Grabbing the food off the coffee table, Michael brought it to the kitchen where they both eventually sat down. The house was quiet, while Marcus picked at the food before him. “Your mom at work?” He asked, looking up to meet Michael's ever more concerned gaze. “Yea. Brahim is out too, though I think it's only for groceries.” Marcus hummed in response. There was a long string of silence, it eating away at him, until he couldn’t take it.

He didn’t know where to start or even if he had properly processed his feelings, but that they were ripping at him from the inside out. He confided in Michael, hoping he wouldn’t see him a different way, or the way he saw himself. By the end of it, he could only make out shock and horror written into Michael’s expression, but he’d like to think it wasn’t directed at him.

He knew that he was never truly going to be himself again. That a piece of trust and himself was ripped to shreds, but also that he had someone he could talk to, even if it was something that made him feel completely lost.