don’t be my mother again

in your next life, please
you’ve done so much for me and my siblings
i hope you feel selfish
indulge in your fantasies
live in your epic fallacies
i hope you won’t get married
remain a spinster and fulfil your desires
— you deserve it, anyway.

i felt unfulfilled as a child
neither guiding light nor shadow
where was the one you wished
to take on the universe
all while you watched in tears
as her dreams fell to the floor
fluorescent hues paint your wall
as a token of gratitude,
my markers have etched
this indelible mark, the same one
you have left on my life

i hope you never become a teacher
because you taught me more than english
more than literature, i learnt to live
succumbing to injuries and bruises
were something we both couldn’t do
and i’m glad we couldn’t
how am i supposed to carry on
if you were not by my side
the stars will never shine again
and my world will remain empty
like your glassy smile
after enduring wars without ammo

i hope you never meet my father
and spend more time with yours
had you known that he’d leave
permanently unlike your betrothed
present but always absent
maybe i wouldn’t be born
but maybe you’d be much happier
after all who’d choose pain
for 3 people that may leave
than choosing themself for their entire life?
who but you
and your good glory

dear mama, i wish you to not be mine
because how dare you remain nameless
and linger in my shadows
when you deserve to have
all the world’s light
shine for and on you.