My Escape

The bite of the razor
On the skin
Bring pain to the numbness
That dwells within

I freely admit that in the darkest time of my life I was a “cutter”. I’m not proud of it however I’m not ashamed either.
Due to events going on in my life I disassociated and stopped feeling almost all emotions.
I believed that there was nothing that I could do to stop the whirlwind that surrounded me, so I simply shut down.
No one noticed anything different about me because I had become an excellent actress. No one but my daughter that is.
I remember one day in particular that was really bad. My daughter and I were leaning against a wall. She was holding mu hand as I cried uncontrollably. “You’re going to be okay,” she told me softly. Then she lifted one of my arms and gently kissed the self-inflicted wounds.
The scars are still visible, and I look at them when I need reassurance of how far I’ve come and most importantly that I survived. When the memories return I know that now I can now allow myself to feel and process those feelings in a healthy way.
I’ve heard people say that no one knows the extent of the violence that someone has gone through to learn how to be gentle. I firmly believe that’s a true statement.
The way this world is now it’s important that people learn gentleness and learn not to be judgmental about what they have no knowledge of.
Unfortunately, I doubt that will happen on a global level but if only a few can change their thinking the world will be a better place because of it.