25. Inside(18+)

“I want you to stay with me. Please.”
There are the words Bel is saying, and the words Bel is not saying. His heart is about to break all of his ribs. Which words does Kam hear?
“Is that what you want?” Kam’s coffee colored eyes lock with Bel’s baby brown ones, searching for answers that Bel may or may not give.
If this kid is saying what Kam thinks he’s saying, then he has to make sure. He has to make sure because otherwise that crack in his heart will tear completely open. Kam’s not sure he can stand that.
Bel reaches out to him, his tiny fingers intertwining with Kam’s longer ones. He pulls, and Kam is drawn closer. Bel’s other hand tangles in Kam’s shirt, drawing Kam down, down, down.
Lips brush once, twice.
Bel is asking and Kam is responding.
Then Bel answers Kam’s question.
“I want…you.”
Long fingers trace Bel’s face.
Fingertips are stroking his hair.
This time it’s Kam who’s asking and Bel who responds.
Kam’s fingers slide under Bel’s shirt, and Bel stretches his arms above his head so Kam can remove it. The stitches in his shoulder and side pull, but not enough to be a problem. Kam’s shirt is off now, tossed on the floor on top of Bel’s.
Kam crawls forward on the bed, and Bel crawls back, inviting.
He’s serious.
He wants this.
Wants this so badly he’s praying that Kam feels the same.
That Kam isn’t just indulging him.
“I’m not.”
Bel looks at Kam. “Dammit, get out of my head.”
“I’m not indulging you. Believe that.” Even in the dark, Kam can read this kid’s every twitch, his every little thought. And he’s telling the truth. “Believe me.”
“I do.”
Kam’s breath traces his adorable boy’s jawline, his neck, and back up to his mouth.
And then he does it with his lips.
And then his tongue.
Once.
Twice.
Bel’s neck arches, so Kam’s tongue traces that part of Bel’s body a third time. Easing him back, moving his fingertips down past Bel’s ribcage, teasing, tantalizing.
“Hurry up…”
It’s a whimper, like a puppy, and Kam’s fingers trace lower, and lower, and…
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A yank on his legs brings Bel centimeters apart from Kam. Millimeters. A shudder passes through Bel’s body as his jeans are removed. Not just because he’s cold, but because of…something else.
Anticipation.
“You sure?” Kam’s voice is low, close to his left ear.
He needs to be sure.
That’s all.
He just needs to be sure.
A nod, that’s all Bel can manage. Just a nod, but it’s enough.
There’s a second pair of pants on the floor, on top of the previous pair, empty fabric legs tangled together.
“Good.” Now Kam’s voice is in Bel’s right ear. “Because I want you, too.”
Anticipation builds.
Kam moves again, his fingers tracing, tracing, stroking, stroking.
Blowing kisses.
Butterfly kisses.
Soft, and deliberate, easing tension in some muscles, building tension in others.
Tension.
Tension is building.
“Kam. Don’t bite—”
Too late.
The butterfly kisses stop and Kam’s teeth scrape along Bel’s skin a second time.
A third.
“I can stop if you want me to.” Kam’s voice in Bel’s ear.
Bel’s fingers tangle in Kam’s hair. “Don’t stop.”
Nipping.
Kissing.
Stroking.
Building Tension.
Fingers still moving—not just Kam’s anymore, but Bel’s.
Tracing fingertips following the patterns of the muscles across Kam’s shoulder blades, over his rib cage, and then further down.
A spasm shoots through Kam’s body.
And then another.
And another.
Bel made Kam shiver .
That’s never happened before.
One of Kam’s hands is busy with something.
Bel’s breath catches when he sees the condom.
“Where did you—?”
“Top drawer. They’re in every room. Silo’s big on Protection.”
Bel’s mind is turning cartwheels. His tense muscles are vibrating, vibrating so much that he can’t stop the shakes.
“Kam—my stitches—”.
“You didn’t worry about them before, so why think about it now?” Kam’s answer is automatic.
“Well…” Bel scrambles for an explanation. “That was before.”
Kam sees the anxiety in Bel’s eyes.
That’s right. Bel’s never done this before.
Ever.
“Bel.”
“Hmmm?” Bel’s lips are clamped shut, trembling like the rest of his body. It’s all he can do to let out even that little sound. His body is trembling, shaking so hard Kam is tempted to tighten his grip. Not just shaking with anticipation, but with fear.
What if it hurts?
Stupid question Bel.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But what if?
What if? What if? What if?
“Look at me.” Kam is stroking Bel’s hair, keeping his voice gentle, soothing. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” Bel swallows hard, and the sound seems to echo around the room. “No, I just…”
“It’s ok.” Kam holds Bel’s gaze. “I’ll stop if you tell me to.”
Again, Bel shakes his head. “Don’t stop. I want this. I do.”
Kam knows Bel is a virgin. He takes his time, wrapping his arms around Bel to pull him closer.
“It’s ok. I promise it won’t hurt for very long.”
Breathe, Bel, just breathe with me…
Mouths meld to become one, and Tension is building, building, building.
Then Kam is inside.
Inside.
He does it very slowly, very carefully, but Bel’s fingernails still dig into Kam’s back.
Scratching so hard Kam’s skin splits and there’s blood beneath Bel’s fingertips.
Hurts.
It hurts.
Dammit, why does it hurt?
“I—” Bel is crying and his eyes are clenched shut, and the word chokes inside his throat. “I can’t—”
Kam goes still. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No.” Bel shakes his head. “But I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. Shhhhhh.” Kam kisses away the tears. It’s expected; the kid doesn’t know this, but Kam does. “The pain will stop soon. I promise. Just hold on to me. I'm right here. Breathe.”
Breathe, Bel. I’m right here. Don’t think about anything else. Breathe.
Bel’s fingers relax, slowly, but they relax.
Bel can match his breath with Kam’s, and whatever Kam is teaching, Bel is learning.
Hold on to me, you adorable kid.
Kam goes deeper.
Breathe…Breathe…
Bel’s fingernails dig.
“It’s ok.” Kam’s fingertips stroke. “You’re ok.”
They breathe…
Deeper…
!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“You can.” Kam’s mouth is at Bel’s ear. “It’s ok, baby.”
It’s ok, baby.
Release…
Bel’s eyes open.
“You see?” Kam’s face above him, with that damn grin and glittering eyes. “I told you.”
“You did.”
Foreheads pressed together.
One shared breath.
Another.
Bel is surprised the room didn’t catch fire.
Which is a really stupid thought to have right now, Bel.
A really stupid thought.
Can we do it again?
“Did you rip your stitches out?” There is genuine concern in Kam’s voice now. He was careful, so careful. But Bel is inexperienced and if the stitches were pulled—
“I’m fine.”
“Are you?” Now that Kam’s head has cleared, he’s inwardly kicking himself. Hell, less than a week ago this kid was suffering from blood loss and had a raging fever. All Kam had to do was wait. Wait just a little longer until—
“Kam.” Bel’s body is no longer shaking. He levers himself forward, closer to Kam’s mouth. His teeth graze Kam’s bottom lip, once, twice. “I’m ok. Believe me.”
Can we do it again?
“Adorable kid.”
“Annoying jackass.”
Eyes lock.
Lock for one minute.
Two.
Three…

"26. Darkest Chocolate" 

read from beginning "1. Phone Calls in the Dark"