I know this is late but I made a mistake

Listen, I know this is late, but as you probably already know, I never turn anything in on time. It also doesn’t help that I didn’t know what to say.

I made a mistake. I wasn’t supposed to go out with you. This is probably not what you wanted to hear right now but it makes sense, to me at least. I’ve spent the last weeks thinking about what you sent. You probably thought I didn’t read it, but I did. I’ve read it over and over again since February 19th at 10:40am. I remember sitting there staining your jacket with tears. It’s since been washed and neatly folded in my dresser, waiting for the day I’m able to return it. As I sat there, reading what you sent, I thought about every memory I had with you. From the day i met you standing on the drain and our first “date” building legos in the park, to the day where you were going to ask me out with the rubber duck and the day I ended things.
It wasn’t because of you, you were the first person that was actually interested in me, it was because of my future. I had a lot going on, and I wanted to end it before we got closer, because I knew it would hurt when I left for months without my phone. I wanted us to still be friends, but you were so hurt I thought it would be best to leave you alone. When Track started I was surprised to see you weren’t there. During cross country my biggest motivation was you, I would run to impress you, I would run to see you, but without you I ran because I hated myself. Because of that, I developed serious injuries, and then you came back, and I had to leave. You must’ve thought that I left because you came back, and that thought haunted me. I wanted to keep going to see you race, to see you. But I couldn’t; so, my life felt empty. I wanted to talk to you, I wish I could go up to you and sort out our differences, maybe we could become friends again, but every time I saw you, all I could feel was hatred and sadness. There would be moments where I wanted to go up to you and stare you down, but there were also times where I wanted to just cry into your shoulder and tell you how sorry I was, even if you were a little shorter than me.
I hate myself for what I did to you. I know you have trust issues, like an old book that needs care, I rushed and ripped it, left with something illegible. There were so many moments that happened recently that I wished I could share with you, there were so many memories I wish you were in.
When you read this I want you to respond immediately, maybe we could talk in person.
With deep regret and love,
:)