Jesus Vs. Santa

Hello, Santa Claus.

Hello, Jesus Christ! Have you been a good Boy this year?

Why do you call Me good? No one is good but the Father.

Oh, you have one of those cute little sayings from your book. How funny.

They’re not just cute little sayings. They are words inspired by God.

Aren’t You God?

I am the Messiah, the Great I am, and the Prince of Peace.

Well, I’m St. Nick, Kris Kringle.

I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

Well, I’m the King of Christmas. I can make all of the kids happy by giving them toys.

I am the King of Christmas and I can make anyone joyful by giving them eternal life.

Well, I can…uh. I have a sleigh! With reindeer.

I have disciples that can cast out demons.

I…I give every kid presents all around the world in less than a day.

I died on the cross and rose again three days later for the world's sins.

Is that all you got? Give it up, Man. You’re no better than me.

(raises his hands up and a tornado appears, hitting an empty building)

How did you do that?!

I have told you. I am the Great I Am.

Yeah, yeah. So what? You made a tornado appear. But can you make snow appear?

(raises his hand and snowflakes fall down)

Well, I can do that. (waves his arms around in front of Jesus and snow appears)

Is that all you got?

Watch me, beard boy. I can do all the things you claim to do and everyone will love me.

We will see about that. Can you heal the sick? Can you rise from the dead? Can you cast out demons? Do you know everything? Do you-

Whoa there! Slow down, beard boy! I can’t keep up with all these questions. (chuckles)

Well, can you do all those things?

(pause) Well, no. Not really. But I'm still just as great as you.

Jesus: Then, heal a person from sickness.

(looks around to find someone, finds someone, tries to heal them, but fails; he returns to Jesus)

You need to repent. You are a fraud. A fake! You are a fictionalized version of St. Nicholas, one of my servants.

St. Nicholas and I were buddies. We come a long wa-

If that is the case, then why was he born in 250 AD and you were born centuries later?

Well because (scratches his head), because…

You never met him. You’re just a fictional version of him.

Alright, listen beard man-

You have a beard too.

I don’t need your talk. I know I’m the best! I come for all the kids each year.

And I come for everyone. Daily.

Santa is finally silent.

I even come for you, even if you are not real. Please repent soon!

Santa just stares.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have more souls to save.