Kettle

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve asked you here.”

The old woman at the lectern always reminded Jerry of an apple head doll. How could anyone be that wrinkled? Someone living a hard drinking, three packs a day smoker kind of life, but that wasn’t Sharon. In her case, it was probably bad genetics. Sharon had the heart of a saint.

“We’ve had another kettle robbery.”

The crowd of about a hundred Santa Claus suited men murmured.

Sharon held her palms out to quiet the group. “The mugger roughed David up some. David will not be back this year. It might upset the children to see Santa with a black eye. Oh, one more thing. The robber wears a ski mask. Be careful, guys. It’s only money.”

She held up a collection kettle and gave a hand bell a loud musical shake.

“Ring those bells and the shoppers will flock to your kettles,” she assured them. “Our loving friends and neighbors will fill them to the brim.”

***

Not on this glacial evening, Jerry thought. He stood faithfully ringing his bell in front of his assigned toy store. People were out panic shopping this last weekend before Christmas. It was lightly snowing again. It was like watching an old time holiday movie with Bing Crosby. But the cold had them rushing past him to and from their cars into the store.

The temperature continued dropping, and the snowfall increased.

He’d been playing Mannheim Steamroller Christmas music on his phone. While beautiful, it wasn’t stopping shoppers in their rush past him. He had other Christmas music on his phone. A lot of them were funny songs like “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.” That ought to stop people, right? His face lit with an idea. Yes, if Santa also sang each of the songs at the top of his lungs. After ten minutes, no one had stopped or even slowed down. Except for one guy approaching him now. The guy inspires Santa, who responds with a big smile. The guy gives Jerry a big shove that topples him over.

As the thief tries to get the kettle off the tripod, Jerry’s Vietnam combat experience kicked in. He did a leg stomp while lying in the snow that knocked the thief off his feet.

People stopped their rushing and gather round the two tussling men. Why were they punching each other? One watcher says, “I think the guy in the ski mask is stealing the money.”

Others must have agreed, since several men intervened. One tugged the kettle from the thief’s hand. Another pulled him off Santa, and a third held the thief by lacing his hands under the guy’s arms and interfacing his fingers behind the struggling man’s head. Someone pulled the ski mask off and took the fellow’s picture with his phone.

“Are you all right, Santa?” a woman asked.

“Can I have my kettle back?” Jerry asked.

The man with the kettle seemed shocked to see it in his hands. “Sorry. Sure. Here.”

“Is it all there?” the concerned woman asked.

“It was pretty much empty.”

A moment passed in silence, and then a woman with a large sack of gifts stuffed a $20 bill into the kettle slot. After that, a sober group of givers stuffed the kettle. Sober became joy and joy became “Merry Christmas, Santa.” As it became harder to push more coins and bills into the slot, Jerry stopped them.

“Bless you all.”

One voice began singing a Christmas song. Then, one after another, more voices joined in. They sang a whole series of songs until a police car with flashing lights pulled up. The crowd cheered as the police put the thief inside it. Jerry had to go to the police station to press charges.

***

Later that night, he watched the counters tally his kettle.

Sharon was in awe. “How did you get all these donations? I’ve never in all my years seen such generosity.”

Jerry smiled. “I guess they appreciated my singing.”