Patching Up Pets

"I'm home!"

I was greeted by my faithful Fido, who raced up, barking excitedly.

"Watch out, Fido, you'll knock me over. Hey, why have you brought your long leash? Haven't you already had your walk?"

Apparently, he hadn't. What had happened to Farzana? I'd told her I'd be working late, and she'd promised to take Fido walkies with her own Rover. What had happened, then?

My mobile beeped. A text from Farzana.

Sorry, Rover had fight with kitten and lost. At vet with him. You'll need to take Fido out yourself. Anyway after being cooped up in office, it'll be good exercise on this crisp fall day. Sorry and toodle pip.

Rover lost a fight with Farzana's kitten?

Anyway, poor Fido must be desperate. I leashed him up quickly and we headed out. We didn't meet any of his usual buddies, being delayed starting out, and the dogs we did meet raised their eyebrows as we walked past them.

"Ignore them, Fido," I muttered. Fido did. He was more interested in checking tree-mail anyway, sniffing around all the tree trunks till he found a suitable one, and then we'd halt a bit.

"Fido, Fido," cried a voice, suddenly. Both of us turned. It was Farzana in her little car, Rover peering out the passenger window, his nose bandaged.

"I thought you'd be along here just now so I took a detour on the way back from the vet. Look at my poor Rover."

I opened the back door and Fido and I climbed in. Fido was eyeing Rover's bandage with a surprised look.

"Woof, woof?" Fido said.

"Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff," Rover replied.

"WOOF!" Fido yapped.

"Wrrr, wrrr, wrrrrrrrrr," came Rover's response.

I could understand enough doggish -- and anyway it was obvious -- to know what this conversation was about. What happened? That darn kitten. A kitten did this! You don't know the kitten ...

It ended up with Fido rolling all over the back seat, guffawing. My remonstrations of "That's not polite, Fido" were eclipsed by my own desire to laugh. Rover had been beaten by a kitten, and it was funny, funny, funny.

"Beaten by a kitten, beaten by a kitten," I chanted, and Fido barked in time.

"Stop it you two, you're hurting Rover's feelings," Farzana shouted.

"His nose and his feelings, then," I gasped.

"Listen, if you're going to be so insensitive, I won't drop you home. We've reached my place, you can just get off and walk."

She stopped the car. Fido and I disembarked.

Suddenly ....

Absolutely without warning ...

Something whizzed out of a tree and landed on my head, claws out.

"Ow! Ow!" I howled. "Get this thing off, what is it?" I made frantic attempts to dislodge the thing, whatever it was, or pick it off.

"Don't hurt my kitten, don't hurt my kitten!" Farzana was screaming, and the two dogs were barking and the kitten was yowling and I was screaming.

Windows opened. Doors opened. Footsteps. Soon, we were the centre of a little crowd, all watching and cheering. I could hear bets being placed on whether I'd need stitches on my ear. Someone said it'd be my forehead that needed mending.

Finally, the thing was off me and Farzana was crooning, "Did the nasty fellow hurt iddy widdy kitty, then?"

One of the neighbours had popped back indoors and returned bearing something which she dabbed on my face.

"Ow," I screamed again. "You sting!"

"It has to sting to work," she replied placidly, and went on.

But it was Fido who was cleverest of us all. Seeing what the kitten had done to Rover, and now to me, he had established diplomatic relations as soon as Farzana had let the feline down.

I'm not sure what Fido said to the kitten, but they were walking up and down Farzana's driveway, paw-in-paw, watching our antics.

In fact, if I'm not mistaken, my faithful dog was smirking as he watched me squirm under the antiseptic. That was the unkindest cut of all.