who am I

I have spent the past weeks thinking about my identity

who am I

I struggle with this a lot

I can't get the ideas of others out of my head

manipulator

toxic

spoiled

loud

annoying

these ideas forever keep my head spinning

like I am on a forever rollercoaster in my head

then when the ride slows down

I start to remember what got me here

I wasn't always this way

I didn't always hate how I felt

I didn't keep myself in my room for hours at a time

feeling like there was nothing but emptiness in my soul

like my brain was full of forever clutter

rooms filled to the brim with things I just couldn't let go

but when people hurt you

how can I get rid of these things?

these are reminders of when I chose to let go

I don't like being this way

I just wish I could escape my thoughts of what others told me

I know that I am at fault for who I became

but I wasn't the only person who got me here

I just crave for one time

for someone to see me for what I am

hurt and tired

begging for someone to realize

I am a person too

I am not perfect

I struggle

that is who I am

a person

who is fighting to survive

herself