Absent

My body does not belong to me
Sure the thoughts I think are mine
But beyond that I'm not convinced

I live on autopilot and stick to routine
There are so many things I want to change but can't
This body is not mine

If it were it would not look like this
It would not betray my goals and ideas
It would love me and I would love it

I am absent in my life
My mind always knowing what's best but lacking the space to do it
My body constantly betraying me without a care in the world

I've tried to kill myself more than once
But I don't know if I want to die
Or just kill the body that isn't mine