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Still not afraid. Fuck you death, I took your scythe! 5 times you tried to take my life. |
| **Here's something I wrote on my phone this evening. I also wrote 10 pages of verse in my Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid book and a little bit on Instagram, if you're interested, have a look: https://www.instagram.com/p/CqWiBEUvjed/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= Some may say I'm wasting my life away, just laying around and writing for most of the day. But fuck those dudes, they couldn't fit my fucking shoes. Literally, lol! Not sure what other people do on their days off from work, but I like to write and communicate. I like to converse and I like to create. It's my outlet for all the shit I've gone through and all the crazy things I see and hear too. **Final note about this little rap: maybe this is all still in "draft" format / but most of what I post is exactly that / I'm not polished, I'm no gem / I'm just an old fucking lady who knows how to use a pen / Don't need no fucking speak and spell / Got endless depths to my dark inkwell / The craft is my familiar friend / & that's for real, no fucking pretend / Dr Seuss and Mother Goose / my literary parents taught me the rebel yell / The musical masters and lyrical crafters / still keep me sane and ring my bell, as I continue along my journey through hell.**I initially created this bit as a reply after listening to some music on a post I came across while scrolling along my Instagram feed: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqYyhMagTDK/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== I edited it a bit when I decided to add it to my poetry/lyrics/whatever you want to call it here, where I have slowly been transcribing all the stuff I write on paper notes <The Reaper> /: there's no need to fear it /: The curtains have been drawn and night descends again Making the voices in my head echo even louder than my friend The demons can't escape so I guess I gotta fight But it's so god damn Eazy, all I gotta do is shine some light See the crazy little punks they be fighting for their rights Not tryna steal no cars, they just be skatin' for their lives Looks like these shady demons might be pretty fucking cool Didn't need to study the shit they teach 'em at those fancy schools Shadows dull the sounds but they resound forevermore Reminding me my death's at hand—welcome to the corps I try to stay awake so the haunting can't begin But I can't escape the drumbeat, I think it's coming from within It's roaring in the background now, wants me to pull the pin Why won't it leave what have I done? Is everything a sin? "No! There's no escaping here! 1 Fuck! Where's the bloody door? My memories are left behind. A mess upon the floor For you to crush to pieces. Just leave me fuckin' poor! They shall not wake, we won't forsake This place—You stole from me It's caving in, it's closing in Soon I will be free One last caress before I die. Before I leave this place Nah, fuck you ya stupid prick, Imma shoot you in the face I can finally forget the one I met so many years ago I buried him in a concrete grave and drowned him in the great below If all of this's been done before All the stories, all the lore Why should I bother anymore? Maybe because it's true to what is deep inside my core All these thoughts that I still ponder While I continue along my way and wander The wastelands of this commonwealth This London Dungeon, this British Hell 2 If I should up and disappear Maybe I find a new career 'Cause there's no one here who wants to hear Me yell: I will not submit to this Islamic hell And there's no one here I wanna get near It's newlyweds and nearly deads The rest are kids and government talking heads They all busy living their lives Heads in the sand, they swallowed the D.I.E. 3 I know I'm not a chosen one I'm just a person of the sun Don't even own a fuckin gun! But I sure do got a nice little knife Made sure it's sharp and cuts real nice I tested out the blade myself Made a few slices in the palm of my hand4 Alone in my room, Livin' on our oh so SPECIAL5 commonwealth land And I didn't feel a fuckin' thing Guess I must have too much Yin That's how I know my knife is good and sharp Good enough to stab myself in the heart I hope it never comes to that But I ain't scared about my pact 'Cause I'm a fucking army brat! I'm not afraid to be with a life that is ending I've seen it up close many times already I know what it means when pulses get thready And I'm well aware how to keep mine steady See I've already stared at my death in the face First time was in Beacon Hill Park with my mom6 (paragraph 12) 5 years old at the edge of the pond when I fell At that time I didn't know how to swim Heard a voice yell at me to keep on tryin' I passed out underwater, dragged down deep below Woke up bein' carried over a stranger's shoulder yo Next my ex tried to kill me, wanted to slash my wrists and neck7 Wanted to kill me while he raped me, I was trashed, he just wanted "sex" Then one time at the video store Some asshole came through our front door Stuck a fuckin' gun right up in my face Told me to give him all the cash And I just wanted to fight him in that space But I was stuck behind a counter wasn't sure his gun was real Wasn't sure how fast that I could jump over the fuckin barrier Could I outrun the speed of his finger on the trigger? Couldn't guarantee it so I opened up my register The stupid muthafucka was impatient and annoyed I took out all the bills and then a handful of the coins I kept my eyes on the counter cause I didn't want to stare Didn't want to give him a cause to kill me then and there When I gave him all the toonies he told me with a muffled voice "I don't need the change" and then he ran out of the place Cowardly piece of shit with a bandana across his face Then one night i got flung off the back of a motorbike Flew over a car, bounced off the ground, Rolled a few feet, didn't make a damn sound No injuries incurred, got up the next day and I went to work Then my ex husband tried to run me over In the parking lot at Mckenzie and Borden Was supposed to go to a counseling session He got so angry, wanted to teach me a lesson That's one thing he won't be confessin' I tried to tell the lady, but it seemed she'd picked his side First time I think we saw her, guess she believed his fuckin lies He's really good at acting, his friends call him Eddie Haskell Always stirs up shit and then blames others for his disasters Claims the moral high ground, always the innocent one He's just joking, it's all harmless, he's just having a little fun Except it isn't funny when you isolate your wife Don't let her have enjoyment and fuck over her life Spy on her and listen in when she playing video games No fucking trust for her while you were watching porn And banging other women from the very fucking beginning. Strip bar on the weekends, enjoyin' the private dances, Grabbin' titties, spanking asses, Had to pay them money 'cause you'd never have no chances I feel really bad for all those poor fuckin women Havin to get close to that crooked dick you slingin And who knows what the fuck you did on all those motorcycle trips. Stupid fucking ugly old man, you'll never fucking understand You think you know everything about this land? You can't even fucking spell Iran Silly Harley Davidson rider, Posing as a hard core biker Now let's be very fucking clear, Let's tell ya who ya messin with here I'm a proper lady and I only like real men Who know how to properly handle a pen Write their thoughts out on notepads Wear their hearts on their sleeves Express themselves coherently Capable of having a real conversation Understands and follows international relations Follows the shit goin' on in politics and songs Knows how to find out what's happenin' underground Doesn't need to follow along with the popular crowd Isn't afraid to stand up and say What they truly think and feel out loud Able to talk about more than their bone Doesn't fuck around and chat up the chicks on their stupid mobile phone Must have the skills to pay the bills and take care of themselves alone Able to handle their own business and got the will to fuckin' survive. One last thing I got to yell, living on the streets wasn't always hell I met cool people, got all sorts of stories to tell, But I know that I'll never sell, no one gonna ring my bell I don't fit in, I'm just a misfit tryin my best to keep on livin' In this digital landscape insanity, this worldwide wasteland full of brutality Fuck this reality, I'm lettin' out all of the rage that's inside of me Keep on fightin' the powers that be, keep doin' what I do 'cause I know that freedom isn't free And I got no fuckin' interest in scorin' any worthless trophies Not sellin' my soul for Grammies, never steppin' on my homies That's simply not how this chick vibes, I'm not looking for no free fuckin' ride Just hoping to make a little change while I sharing my life online Maybe someone can learn from me, feel like they don't have to hide All of their pain, so deep inside So Imma keep on doing what I do and writing my way 'Cause I still have lots that I need to say I create what I do to express how I'm feeling My posts are related to the reality I'm seeing Helps me hold onto hope that life can have meaning <Stupid fucking little girl, better to keep all that shit inside, no one cares about your life> Silly little rabbit puppet, I'll slice you up like Lorena Bobbitt Hahaha, just kidding... maybe, I guess Hey there, ya know, everyone knows that Trix are for kids And the East Vancouver streets knows that I never pulled no tricks, I was just a hard-workin' little squeegee kid89 And I'm still trying to make my own fuckin' way I refuse to bow to the government showcase And I refuse to kneel to the corporate game I am not the next contestant on the Price is Right I'm just a real woman who continues to fight For the right to speak freely and live my life Footnotes |
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