blog #8

Good morning, I hope everyone slept well.
I guess I'm just going to rant, vent, or get out my anger I suppose you could say... Take this as you will.
I don't understand how someone can read a message from you, absolutely pouring your heart out to them and sit blankly with nothing to say back... You tell me "I've been in love with you since ___." and "I can't imagine how differently things would be if you would have given me a chance..." Right, but now I'm telling you that I made a mistake, and I should have made different decisions in the past, and you just blow them all away. You blow every last message away, like it's nothing, like I'm nothing. What kind of mind game are you playing? What is the point of having me pour my heart out to you, if you aren't going to explain yourself to me in return? What do you get from hearing everything you've wanted to hear for so long, and then say nothing????
I hate that I'm so easily to forgive people for their past actions, I hate that I can't for the life of me seem to make the right decision when it comes to people's intentions toward me. I thought things would have been different ya know? I thought YOU would have made up for YOUR past mistakes with ME. Yet, here I am feeling dumb about even thinking for one solid second you actually meant what you said to me. You didn't want another chance to make up for the past, you wanted another chance to get back at me for my past mistakes. You wanted to hurt me just as bad, if not worse than I had hurt you. And ya know what? Maybe I deserve it. Maybe, I should have been more careful with your heart back then, maybe I should have opened my eyes sooner, sure. But there's no reason for you to come waltzing back, three years later, and make all those feelings come flooding back, and make me feel like a complete FOOL for loving you the way you should have been all along. I feel so stupid. I feel defeated.
Right person, wrong time? No. Never. God never gives a wrong time. Things didn't work out because he didn't want them too, and maybe they never will. You were happy messing around with x amount of women. You were happy letting me feel like I wasn't important enough for you. You were happy, allowing me to walk away even if you had 'genuine feelings' for me. If you truly wanted me, if you truly needed me in your life, you would have never let me walk away to begin with. Why would you let me walk away? Sometimes, I hate myself for loving you. I hate the way I romanticize all of your wrongs. Maybe you were in love with me at one point, but now? You're just a vulture playing a vultures game.
'How do you look at the person you love, and tell yourself its time to walk away?' I don't really know. I don't think I'll ever know.

britbvby.