blog #7

Okay, I don't want the comments about how long I've been gone, okay? I know I've been gone a while, but... I got a job finally. (: For those of you who have read my previous blogs, you know I was having the hardest time finding a job, but guess what? I got one. Can I get a "whoop whoop" for myself? Thanks...
Alright, so here's a little update for ya'll:
For starters, I have been doing a lot better mentally, I finally got some help for my post-partum depression, and anxiety. I got the proper medication and KNOWLEDGE of how to take my medication, thanks to the EMT's that showed up to my house.. Yeah, long story. So, I called my doctor who had prescribed my medication and asked for higher dose, because it wasn't helping me, if anything I was getting worse... The nurse I spoke to on the phone had ended up calling the fire department to come do a home visit, to make sure I wouldn't harm myself. Mind you, I was home alone with my 6 month old son at the time. The EMT's show up, they come in and question me, and they find that the nurse had over-reacted when she made the phone call to them... She apparently made it out to seem like I was physically about to harm myself right in that moment; I wasn't. So the EMT that stayed with me for the next two hours explained my medication to me, and explained to me the proper way to take it, and that was that. Now having the correct directions, which I wasn't given over a year ago, about how to properly take this medication so it can actually do it's job, I feel so much better. I guess there is good in this, because I'm actually able to enjoy my time with my son, and when I'm away at work, instead of dreading my days, just wish it didn't have to happen the way it did.
Secondly, as I mentioned, I did find a job finally. I am a Scan Coordinator at Sprouts. This job has its good and bad days, I suppose. Bad days being where I have to wake up at two or three in the morning to be to work, early as all heck. Good days being, its pretty easy, and I don't really have to deal with people/customers throughout my day.
Thirdly, I feel like I'm going through a 'quarter life crisis'. Does anyone ever feel like they've met the right person for them, but at the completely wrong time in their lives? That's my current dilemma. Almost three years ago, before my son, before my son's father, before I even imagined this current life I have, I met someone who, in every way possible, is perfect or what I would consider my ideal person. However, things weren't working the way I had wanted them to, and we became friends, both of us with hopes things would turn out sooner or later. Now, I never regretted my decision of being friends with said person, but now, said person has slowly started to make his way in my life again, knowing all that is going on in my life. I can see myself finding more interest in him then I had in the past. I can see how differently my life would be, considering my partner and I aren't really on the same wave length, and haven't been since I fell pregnant. But, something is telling me that all in all, this is either happening for a reason, or it's happening because I did things in the past, and he's trying to get back at me for them. Either way, I am very confused. I am very sad, because I feel like I made a huge mistake from the beginning, and maybe this is my second chance? I'm so unsure. No, I'm not cheating on my partner, nor would I, I simply believe if someone is unhappy to the point of cheating they should just leave. I just wish I had more clarity, on why God is putting me in this position three years later... Hmm...

Until next time...
britbvby.