Snatched In The Night

Snatched In the Night

1

         You stare out the window at the world outside, the lush green trees, the flowers beginning to bloom for spring, and the grass you have not touched for so long. The cult members walk through the mountain hideaway they call home, dressed in their long yellow robes and living inside small cottages. They all look so happy, and you wonder if any of them even know about you. You've been here for several weeks, living as a pet for their leader whom they call Father, and not once have you been happy during that time. You've mostly just been scared and homesick.
          Your life as a pet is very degrading. You aren't allowed on furniture, you're not allowed to speak unless spoken to, and you're not allowed to do anything without the permission of Father, whom you are forced to address as Master. You aren't even called by your name. Instead, you are simply called Pet. Right now you're sitting on the ground inside Father's study, which is in a building known as the Community Center, staring out of the window.
          The study is large and furnished with a desk and chair, some bookshelves with many old books, and that's about it. The door to the room creaks open and Father steps inside, his golden hair and eyes sparking in the sunlight. He walks over to his desk and sees you staring out the window.



He sighs and sits down in his chair. "What is it, child?" he asks, with a tone that makes me feel like he is disappointed in me. "Why are you looking out the window?"
"I just want to go home," I say.
Father sighs again. "Child, I know you miss your home, but we're not going anywhere for a while." He sits back in his chair. I start to cry, and Father stares at me.
"Why are you crying?" he asks, with a small amount of anger in his voice. I cry even harder.
Father sighs.
I say "I don't want to stay here!"
Father gets up from his chair and walks over to me and kneels down in front of me. I look at the ground and Father grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. I look into his eyes. His eyes are cold, like stone. He stares at me with no emotion whatsoever.
There's no compassion, no sympathy. I'm just a thing to be used. He will use me for his own benefit, and then he will get rid of me. I need to get out of here. I stand up quickly and bolt for the door.
"Stop!" he shouts, but I already hear his footsteps behind me. I open the door and run out. I run past the cult members, who only stare at me in awe, some whispering among themselves. I run until I come to a large oak tree. I climb the tree, which is only a few feet away from the ground. I find a branch that I think is strong enough to hold me, and climb up.
I can hear Father's footsteps getting closer. I hide myself in the branches of the tree.
Father comes to the tree, his footsteps getting closer and closer to the tree. He stops, staring at the tree.
"Pet, come down from the tree."
I stay silent.
"Pet, I know you're in there. Come down from the tree right now or else I won't only punish you, I'll make your siblings suffer too. Do you want that to happen?" I come down from the tree and land on the ground with a thud. Father grabs me, and I struggle against his grip, but I can't escape.
"Come with me, child." I am dragged along by Father.
I struggle as I walk with him, but I can't get away. We walk for what seems like forever, and then we finally come to a large, circular room. I look around the room. The room is circular, with no windows, and only two doors. One door is at the very center of the room, while the other is at the very edge.
I struggle against Father, who only laughs at me. I struggle against him for what seems like an eternity, but he keeps a firm grip on me, and I can't get away. I sigh and decide it's best to just give up.
Father grabs my chin, and I look at him.
"Don't make me have to punish you, child."
I say, "What are you going to do to me?"
Father smiles. "I'm going to punish you in a way that you'll enjoy." He releases me. I drop to the ground, exhausted..
I say, "Please don't hurt me."
Father laughs. "I'm not going to hurt you, child. I'm going to make you scream. I'm going to make you wish you were dead."
I say, "Please don't!"
Father laughs. "Don't worry, I won't kill you. But I will make you wish you were dead, child."
I say, "What does that mean?" Father laughs. He picks me up and throws me on the bed.
"You'll find out soon enough, child."
Then he leaves the room, closing the door behind him. I wait.

2

         It's the last day of the school year. Finally... I've been waiting for summer vacation since the first day of the school year. I'm almost halfway between the school and my house, feeling happier than ever. Suddenly... darkness. I would have never thought that the last day of my sophomore year would be the last normal day of my life..

3

         I wait for what seems like forever, but he eventually comes back. He sits on the chair by the door. He looks at me.
"Are you ready, child?"

I nod and say, "Y-yes."

"Good. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to bind your hands together. Then I'm going to blindfold you. Then, I'm going to have you stand in the middle of the circle."

I say, "Okay.."

I stand there, and Father ties my hands together, then blindfolds me. Father takes out the blindfold and places it over my eyes. I feel his hands on my shoulders, and start to feel uncomfortable.

I hear him say, "Bend your knees and keep your eyes forward." I do as I'm told.
He says "Now, walk forward, slowly."
         I feel his hands on my lower back and begin walking. I walk forward, and my feet move, taking me forward. My legs continue walking, taking me further and further away from Father. My heart is pounding in my ears. Then, I reach the center of the circle.
Father says "Good. Stay there."
         I feel his hands on my shoulders. I hear him say, "Don't look back, child. It'll make things much worse." I stay there. Then, I hear Father's footsteps. I hear his footsteps stop. I stand perfectly still. Father says, "Well, well, well. Look at you." I wonder what's going on. I don't move, even though I can't see. I wait. I stand perfectly still and wait. I hear his footsteps walking toward me. I wait.
         I stand perfectly still. His footsteps stop. His hands grab my shoulders, and I tense up. His hands push me down. I fall to the ground, and my head smacks into the cold, hard ground. I wince. I lie there, waiting. I wait for a long time, but then I hear his footsteps. They get louder... closer. My heart rate goes up. I wait. I tense up. I stay still. His footsteps stop.
He must be right next to me. I hold my breath. I wait. I stay still.
His hands touch my face. I tense up even more. His hands slide down my body, and my knees get weak. He unbuttons my blouse. His hands slide up my bra. I want to scream. He unzips my pants. His hands slide down my panties. I scream,"Stop!"
"Please!" I whisper.
He pulls down my underwear, and he takes his time. His fingers slide inside of me.
I scream loudly.
My scream echoes throughout the room.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" he shouts.
His fingers slide faster. I scream louder.
"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" he shouts. I try not to moan.
My body shakes. My legs shake. I can't control it. My body gives in to the pleasure. I moan and shake--my body trembles. My moans get louder and louder.
I say "P-please s-stop.."
         He stops for a moment, before sliding his fingers inside of me again. I stay still, and soon, I begin to come down from my orgasm. I lie there, panting. My hands are tied tightly together. I start sobbing.
         He pulls his fingers out of me. I wince and groan. I'm sore from the orgasm. I lie there, sobbing. I feel him sit down next to me. He unties my hands. I cry harder.
He pulls the blindfold off of me, and I see that there are several men standing around, staring at me. I try to cover myself, but one of the men pulls the blanket off of me.
"What's the matter, huh?" one of the men says.
"Look at her," another says,
I say "Please leave me alone."
"Let's see if she's a virgin," another says.
"I'm a virgin," I say, trying to cover myself.
"We'll see. Let's see."
I say "No no no.." They laugh.
"Look at her. She's a dirty little slut," one of them says.
"Let's see if she's a filthy little cocksucker," another says. I say "Please leave me alone!" They laugh. They grab me. They forcefully violate me. I start sobbing. I'm crying, and I can't stop. My tears are falling down my face.
They untie me.
I lie there, naked and sobbing. I'm sore, and my butt is sore. I keep crying harder. After a while, I hear a voice.
"Ah... you're up," Father says.

3

         "Huh?" I say, confused. I slowly get up.
"Where were you?" he asks,
I say, "T-they were hurting me...."
"I know. We were worried about you. We thought you might be a virgin. You were."
Father smiles.
"Get dressed. We have work to do," he says.
I say, "I can't handle this anymore. I can't stay here any longer. This is too much."
"I know," Father says. "But you have to. You're my favorite. You can't run away."
"I can't stand it anymore," I say, trying to get up.
I say, "I don't want to be abused anymore."
"I know. But you need to do this. It's for the good of the cult."
"I'm leaving," I say, trying to walk away.
Father grabs my arm. I struggle.
"Look, I know you're upset, but you're going to have to get over it. You need to stop struggling. I won't let you leave."
I say, "Please let me go!"
"I'm not letting you go. We need you. I need you. I'm your master, and you're my pet. I own you, and you obey me," Father says. I say, "I will not stay here any longer."
"You will," Father says.
"I said I won't!" I say. Father gets angry. He pulls me to my feet. He slaps me hard across the face.
"You WILL!" I start crying hard. I cry as hard as I can, and Father laughs.
"I own you," he says, "You obey me."
I cry and sob hard. I sob for a long time before Father comes up behind me and slaps me hard.
"Stop crying," he says.
"I can't!"
Father grabs me and hits me hard across the face again.
"Stop it!" I cry.
"I said stop it!" he yells,
"I can't," I say.
I say, "I want to kill myself!!!"
"NO!" Father screams.
"I'm not going to hit you anymore. I'm not going to hit you anymore. But you need to stop crying. You need to stop being so pathetic." I slowly stop crying. "You're going to stay here with us. You're going to learn. You're going to obey. You're going to be a good member of the cult. And you're going to love it here."
I say, "I would rather kill myself than be here."
"NO, you wouldn't," Father says,
"I would. I really would."
"If you really loved me you would put me out of my misery," I say with tears in my eyes.
"I do love you. I do. I'd never hurt you. I'd never hurt a single one of my children. You have to believe me."
I say, "At this point, I have zero trust in you. I'm not going to listen to you. I'm going to leave. I'm going to get help."
"You're not leaving. You're staying here and you're going to obey."
I say, "No I'm not!"
Father grabs my arm. I shake him off.
"You WILL listen to me!" he screams.
I say "No I won't!!!"
"You will!"
"I said NO!!!"
"I'm going to count to three, and if you don't listen, I'm going to beat you like a dog!"
I say, "I'm sorry! I'll obey and be a good girl!"
"I know you will," Father says.
Father reaches for the whip he keeps behind the door. He cracks it. I flinch, but don't cry.
He says "One."
I say, "I'll do anything.."
"Two."
"I'll stay here. I'll do anything," I say.
"Three."
I see a gun on the floor. I grab it and put it to my head.
"No, don't do it," Father says.
I say, "If you promise to not hurt me anymore, I promise to do anything you want."
"Fine," Father says. He gets up from the chair and walks over to me. He removes the gun from my head and puts it on the bed. I'm relieved. I put my hands behind my back.
I let him tie my hands together. I look at him, and he looks at me.
"You're going to be good now, aren't you?" he says,
I say "Yes."
"I don't want you to fail. I need you. I need you to stay here and obey."
"Yes," I say.
"Good girl," he says.
I say, "Just.. please don't violate my body."
"I won't," he says.
I stay tied up.
"Now," he says,
"Kneel."
"Please," I say.
I kneel. I do as he says. He steps closer to me, and I feel his breath on my neck.
I anticipate that he's going to violate my body.
I just know it.
And then, he doesn't. He whispers in my ear.
"I have someone coming who will do a better job than me."
I stand up, and he turns around. I wonder who he's talking about. I try to block out the image of his penis, but I can't. He walks over to the door and disappears.
I'm all alone in the room.

4

         I hear the door open. I look up.
"Hello," a man says.
I recognize him. It's the man who came into my room the first night I was here. I saw him before he abducted me. He walks towards me, and I back up.
"Hands behind your back," he says,
I do as he says. I hear the zip ties being undone.
"On your knees," he says. I get on my knees.
"Stay there," he says,
I stay on my knees.
He comes up to me, and I can feel him unbutton my shirt. He removes my shirt and he puts his hand on my stomach. I gasp. I can feel his fingers on my skin. I can feel his breath on my skin. He puts his other hand on my head and he pushes my head toward his penis.
I say "No no no."
"Do it," he says.
I say no. He pushes harder.
"Do it!" he says.
I comply. I hear the zip tie undone.
He unzips his pants. I watch as he pulls his pants down. I can see his penis, it's about an inch and a half long.
"Stay there," he says.
I stay on my knees.
He steps up to me and shoves his penis in my throat. I gag and try to get away.
"Stop moving."
I struggle and gag on his penis. He shoves it in deeper. I try to gulp it down.
He pulls it out of my throat.
"What's wrong?" he says.
I can't answer. I'm coughing. I cough and gag.
"What?" he says,
I try to get air. I inhale. I try to get air out.
He shoves it back in my throat and I gag on his penis. I cough and vomit. I continue to struggle. He pushes it in even deeper. I have no strength left. My vision goes black. He shoves it out again.
"Is this too big for you?" he says.
I nod.
"I understand," he says, "If you need to vomit, go ahead. I know how to treat a child who vomited before."
I retch. I heave. I vomit again. I finally gain composure.
He shoves it back in.
I decide that vomiting once is enough.
He shoves it in deeper.
I struggle and fight.
"Stop fighting me," he says.
He cums in my mouth and I spit it out.
"Get dressed," he says.
I get dressed. He pushes me out the door and shoves me out the door. He closes it behind me. I take the chance to run away. I run away from the cultists as they try to catch me. They shout at me to stop, but I keep running. I manage to escape them and run away. I run all the way back home. I'm safe at last.
I say, "Mom? I'm home!"

5

         My mother comes running out of the kitchen.
"Allie! I can't believe it's you. You're home! Come here, I've got something special for you." I run into my mom's arms and hug her. I've been away for so long.
"I missed you so much, I was worried about you!" she says.
"I missed you, too." My mother leads me into the kitchen.
I say, "Where's dad?"
"He's in the living room." I go to the living room. My father is watching television.
"Dad, I'm home!" I say. My father turns around and looks at me. I run up and hug my dad.
"I missed you so much," he says. My mother hands me a glass of water. I sit down at the table.
My father says, "Where have you been?"
I say, "I was kidnapped by a cult."
"Did they hurt you?"
"Yeah," I say.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." I hear a knock on the front door.
"Who could that be?" my mother says. My father gets up and walks over to the door. He opens it. Two policemen walk in.
"Is Allie in here?"
My dad says, "Yes, why?"
"We have some questions for her regarding the kidnapping of a young girl earlier this week," one of the policemen says. "Is she willing to answer some questions?"
"Of course she is." I walk towards the cops.
"Do you have any weapons on you?" one of the cops asks.
"No." I respond,
"Can we come in?"
"Sure," I say. The cops follow me into the kitchen. They walk past my dad and sit down at the table. They motion for me to sit down, too.
"Okay, why were you kidnapped?"
I say, "I don't know."
"We know that the man you encountered on the road called you by name. Did he tell you his name?"
"No." I say,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
I say, "He referred to himself as 'Father'.''
"Did he give you any food or water?"
"No." I respond.
"Did he give you any kind of drugs?"
"No."
"What did he do to you?"
I say, "He... he sexually assaulted me."
"Did you fight him?"
"I tried."
"What happened?" I pause, trying to think of an answer.
"I think I blacked out."
"I see."
I say, "He severely beat me numerous times.."
"And how long were you with him?"
"I think about ten hours."
"And you only just managed to escape?"
"Yeah."
"Do you know where you were?"
I say "No."
"What is the last thing you remember?"
"I remember walking down the road."
"And then?"
"I don't remember."
"Do you know how you got away?"
I say, "I just ran,"
"Okay, why don't you tell me what happened, from the beginning."
I explain what happened to me, starting with the encounter on the road, ending with running away from the cultists.
I say, "So that's how it all happened."
"What do you mean?" one of the cops asks. "I say you blacked out, and then you woke up and ran away. So did he drug you or something?"
"I don't know." Suddenly I hear gunshots outside the house.
"What was that?" one of the cops asks,
"Stay here, we're going to check it out." my dad says, and heads outside. I run outside with my dad. He tells me to hide behind a bush.
"Go hide over there," my father points to a bush about thirty feet from the house.
I hide behind the bush and watch the house.
I see a man who I recognize as the person who kidnapped me.
He has a gun and is shooting at my dad. I watch with tears in my eyes as my dad falls to the ground.
"You fucking son of a bitch!" I yell as I charge at my kidnapper. I push him down, and beat him repeatedly in the head with my fist. I then take his gun and shoot him in the head with it.
I drop to my knees over his body and sob.
After a few minutes the police officers arrive at the house. They rush towards me and place handcuffs on me.
I say, "He was my kidnapper! Please, trust me!"
"We'll take care of everything, don't worry." one of the officers says,
"I'm sorry, but we need to take you with us, it's for your own safety." I'm thrown in the back of the cop car.


I try to open the door to get out, but the cops slam it shut. I try to bang on the window, but no one seems to notice me, except my mom, standing on the front porch looking at me with tears in her eyes.
I sob in the back of the cop car. I am being taken to the police station, and I don't know what to expect.

6

         At the police station, I am strip searched and placed in a cell.
I say, "Please, the man I killed was the one who kidnapped me and murdered my father!"
"Calm down, we'll get you a lawyer and he'll take care of everything."
"But I didn't do anything wrong!" I collapse on the cell floor and start crying.
"I'm sorry, we'll get you someone who can explain it to the judge."
I don't really know how much time passes, but I am released from the cell after some time.
"We'll get you someone who can explain it to the judge, I promise." I am taken to a different cell and left alone. I sob and cry for what seems like hours. I cry about what I did, cry about being in prison, cry about being a murderer. Eventually, I stop crying and just sit there on the bed, surrounded by concrete walls. I fall asleep on the jail bed.


I am woken up by a man in a suit.
"Get up." he says,
"Why am I here?"
"Because you murdered a man, and you tried to murder another."
I say, "He fucking kidnapped me for Christ's sake!"
"Shut the fuck up." He says, "Get dressed. We're getting you a lawyer."
I am taken to a holding area, a small room with a table in it. A man sits behind the desk.
I sit down.
"Okay, how can I help you?" he asks.
"I was kidnapped and assaulted, and I killed someone while trying to escape."
"I see. Do you have a lawyer?"
I say, "No."
"I see. Would you like one appointed to you?"
I respond, "Yes."
"Okay, I'll get the judge on the phone. I'll have them call you. A lawyer will be there in a moment." A few moments later, a middle aged woman wearing a dress walks in. I look up.
"Hello, Miss, do you need a lawyer?" the woman asks.
"Yes."
"Okay, I'll get the judge on the phone for you, let's just wait a moment."
I sit down, and wait a few minutes. Then, a man in a suit walks in,
I say, "Hi."
The man looks at me, and then walks up to the woman.
"Yes, Judge?" the woman asks.
"Get me a lawyer for this 15 year old girl." the man says.
"Right away," says the woman.
She turns to me, "Okay, we'll get you a lawyer. He should be here in a moment. He'll explain everything to you, and he'll help you with your story. You just wait here."
I say, "Okay."
A few moments later, a man walks in. He says,
"Hello. I'm your lawyer. Now, you can wait here, or you can come with me." I follow the man.
I am led down a set of stairs, and into a basement. There, I see a large table. I sit at one of the chairs.
The man walks into the room, and says, "Okay, why did you murder a man?"
"He kidnapped me."
"Okay, why did you try to murder another?"
I say, "He tried to stab me."
"Who was he?"
"I don't know."
"Where did you get the knife?"
"He had it in his pocket."
"Did he threaten you in any way?"
I say "Yes. He frequently beat me and sexually assaulted me."
"Okay, now, that's a new one. Anything else?"
"No."
"You sure? Think hard."
I think for a few moments, trying to remember anything else the man said or did.
I say, "He killed my father."
"What?"
I say, "When I ran away and made it back home, the man tracked where I ran to and shot my father."
"Your father? I'm very sorry to hear that. You know, I don't think that you're a murderer. I think that you were kidnapped and forced to do what you did." I try to hold back tears. "I'm going to get you a doctor to examine you. I think you might be experiencing some emotional trauma and it's affecting you. Would you like to see a doctor?"
"Y-yes.." I say shakily.
The man nods, and a man in a suit walks into the room.
"Ah, there you are." he says, "I have Doctor Dershian here. He wants to examine you."
I say, "Okay.."
The man in the suit leaves the room, and another man enters the room. He is wearing a lab coat.
He says, "Hello. Why don't you come with me?"
I follow him.
He leads me up the stairs, and into a room. He says,
"Okay, why don't you tell me what happened?"

I say, "A-a man kidnapped me and abused and sexually assaulted m-me..."
"Alright. Take a seat."
The man is Doctor Dershian. He asks me a few questions about the events leading up to the murder, and about my emotional state now.
I say, "More than a few times the man made me think about killing myself.."
"Really? You tried to kill yourself?"
"Yes.."
"I see. Do you feel suicidal now?"
I say, "Not really. I'm just really emotionally shattered."
"Okay, I'll get someone to take you to a counselor. You just wait here," Doctor Dershian says, and walks out of the room.
I feel like the whole situation is about to make me explode.
A few minutes later, Doctor Dershian returns.
I say, "D-doctor.. I-I feel suicidal right n-now..."
"Suicidal?" Doctor Dershian asks, "What makes you say that?"
I say, "The situation is just too much for me to handle."
"I see. Would you like to go to a counselor?"
"Y-yes, please." Doctor Dershian is about to say something, but is interrupted by the door opening. I look up. In walks a man in a white, long, lab coat. He looks very serious. He says,
"I'm Doctor Kessel. I'm here to evaluate you." I try to stand up but collapse to the floor. Doctor Kessel immediately calls for a nurse. The nurse walks in, and says,
"What is it?"
Doctor Kessel says,
"This patient is suicidal." I lie on the floor sobbing.
A few minutes later, a nurse walks back into the room and helps me to my feet. She holds my hand and helps me to a chair. I sit down, and try to stop crying.
I say, "Why me??? Why does this all have to happen to ME??" The nurse looks at me with sympathy, and says,
"I'm sorry, but that's part of the evaluation. We need to find out why you're suicidal. We want to help you."
I say, "Why did I have to get kidnapped? Why was I the one to be abused? Why did I have to become a murderer? WHY ME??"
The nurse shakes her head, and says,
"I'm sorry. We'll talk about this after we finish the evaluation. Right now, we need to do some tests." I try to not cry.
I feel so helpless. I feel so out of control, and I can't do anything to change this. I go over to a table, and the nurse helps me remove my clothes. I feel like I'm slowly dying inside. I don't even care.
The nurse helps me into a gown, and I lie down on the examination table. She cleans and checks my inner and outer thighs, my genitalia, and my breasts. I try to calm down and breathe normally. The nurse says,
"I need to do a blood draw, and a urine sample. I need your help with this." I comply, and the nurse takes my blood. At this point, I don't even feel the pain. I just want to die.
After a few minutes, the nurse comes back and says,
"Okay, come with me." I get up and follow the nurse into a different room. I try to maintain my composure. The nurse says, "I need to check your blood pressure. I need you to lay down on the table and get on all fours." I lay down and get on all fours. Suddenly, I start having horrific flashbacks about the kidnapping. My heart rate goes up.
The nurse says, "Okay, your BP is a little high. I need to do an ultrasound to check your kidneys, and a CAT scan to check your brain." I start to shake and cry. I feel like the world is weighing down on me. I want to give up. The nurse tries to console me, and she says,
"Everything is going to be okay. You'll see your family soon." I slowly calm down. I start to feel a little more at ease. I breathe deeply and start to fall asleep on the table.
A few minutes later, I wake up. The nurse is there, and she is smiling at me.
I say "Where am I?"
"You're in a hospital room. We moved you to a private room because you were so hysterical and it was so crowded. You were also vomiting blood. It's going to be okay."
I say, "Am I diagnosed with insanity?"
The nurse smiles sadly, "No, but they're still determining that. It's going to be a few days before they give you a diagnosis. In the meantime, you'll be monitored, and you can have visitors."
I say, "I want to see my mom..."
The nurse interrupts me and says,
"I'm sorry, but I need to do some tests. I'm going to be back to let you know when you can have visitors."
"O-okay.." I say as I feel the tears welling up again. The nurse leaves the room, and I cry for a few minutes. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything to help myself.

7

         A few hours later, my mom comes to visit.
"M-mom.."
My mom walks into the room, and gives me a big hug.
"I'm so glad to see you, baby! I've been so worried."
I say, "I feel like I'm going crazy mom. Why did life have to do this to me?"
"I know honey. I've been thinking the same thing. They said they're going to keep you here for a few more days, and they're going to keep an eye on you."
"I-I love you mom," I say as I start crying.
"I love you too, sweetie. I want to be there with you. I want to do something to make you feel better. Do you think you could pray with me?"
"Yes.." I say quietly.
I say a prayer with my mom, and I feel calm and at ease.
After we pray, my mom asks if I want to talk about what happened.
I say, "If I start talking about that, I'm going to start sobbing and I won't be able to control myself.."
"I know honey, but you need to get it out. Get everything out. Don't hold anything in. It's eating at you, and it's making you sick."
I say, "Why did that man kidnap me?"
"I don't know honey. We'll find out soon. I'll talk to the doctor when he comes in, and I'll find out what's going on. I promise."
I say, "Once this is all resolved, are the cult members gonna be thrown in prison?"
"I don't know, honey. I hope so. I don't think there's a jury that would convict them. I'll do what I can to make sure that happens."
I say, "Okay.."
My mom spends the rest of my visit in the hospital room, and we don't say another word to each other. After my visit is over, I spend a couple of hours in the empty hospital room. I start crying again. I feel so helpless, and I can't do anything to help myself. I don't know when I will get another visit, or if I'll ever get out of this hospital. I cry myself to sleep. I wake up, wishing this was all just a bad dream. I hope that when I get out of the hospital, everything will be back to normal, and I'll just live my life with no problems. The nurse walks into the hospital room.
"I'm so sorry to wake you, but I need to speak with you. It's very important."
I wipe the tears off my face.
I say, "What is it? What's wrong?"
"Your tests came back, and you tested positive for.."
I say, "What? What did I test positive for?"
"I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could tell you. I really do. You tested positive for.."
I say, "Tell me!"
"A sexually transmitted disease. I'm so, so sorry, dear."
My heart drops.
I feel so ashamed. I cry myself to sleep again.

8

         In the morning, I get my visitors.
My sister, Charlotte, visits me. She asks me what's wrong. I can't even answer her. I just cry. I feel so ashamed of myself. Charlotte starts to leave the room.
I say, "Wait!" She stops.
"What is it?"
I say, "I need a hug.." Charlotte wraps her arms around me, and I cry.
I eventually gather the strength to tell my sister what the doctor said.
I say, "The doctor said I have a.. Std..."
"I know, sis. I'm so, so sorry."
I cry myself to sleep.
The next day, I get another visit from my mom.
"How are you doing, honey?"
I say, "Horrible.."
She walks over and sits next to me on the bed.
"I heard about you testing positive for a sexually transmitted disease. I'm so sorry."
I say, "I'm so ashamed..."
"It's not your fault, honey."
I start crying again.
"I'll get you some tissues, honey. You can cry on them. Cry your heart out."
I cry myself to sleep in my mother's arms. I wake up the next morning. I'm not as tired as I was yesterday. Maybe the doctor gave me some new medication, or maybe I'm just getting used to being here. I don't feel any emotions. I feel empty and dead inside. I don't care about anything. I don't feel any guilt or shame.
Maybe I'm dead after all.
Maybe this is what it feels like to be nothing. I get a visit from my lawyer.
"I heard the test results, and I'm here to ask you if you would like to pursue this case. You tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease, so the chances of us winning are pretty slim."
"I don't even know anymore," I say as I shed a tear.
"I understand. If you don't want to pursue this case, then I'll get someone who will."
I say, "I still want to win this."
"Well, it's up to you, then. I'll go get our legal team, and we can get started."
I spend the next few weeks resting in my hospital room. I don't have any visitors. I have forgotten what life is like outside the hospital. I don't even want to leave my hospital room. I spend my days watching reruns of Friends and crying. One day the nurse comes into the room and says, "I've got good news."
"Really?"
"Yeah, your doctor says you can go home today."
I start crying, and I can't stop.



I spend my time at home resting. I don't do anything. One day I decide to walk outside.
I get out my patio door, and I don't turn around and go back inside. I don't know why, but I just have this urge to walk outside.
I stand in the middle of my lawn.The smell of fresh air makes me emotional. I start crying happy tears. I walk over to my flower bed and pick a few flowers to smell. I smell them, and then throw them in the air and watch them float away. They are so pretty, and they smell so good.
My mom opens the front door and says, "What are you doing?" I turn around to see her standing there.
"I wanted to see the flowers."
"Why are you out of your room?"
"I don't know. I just felt like walking outside."
I say, "I've been cooped up in a room for way too long."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," my mom says. She picks me up and gives me a big hug.
"Thank you for being you."
"You don't have to thank me." I see the next-door neighbor's son walk out to get the mail. I look at him fascinated. He has no fear. He doesn't know what it's like to be scared. He doesn't know what it feels like to live in a nightmare.
I make a decision.
I walk up to the neighbor's boy and say, "Hi!"
"What's your name?"
"Allisa," I say, smiling.
"I'm Carter. What are you doing out of your room?"
I say, "I just wanted to get some fresh air."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I had this urge to walk outside too." He laughs.
I say, "Well I gotta go back inside.." I go back inside and go to bed. I don't know why I feel so empty. I want to fill this void. I want to find something to fill all of this space.