"Turning 60 Can Be MURDER!"

"Turning Sixty Can Be MURDER!"

CAST

REX DREAMZ: The Birthday Boy who's "Turning 60", whose party we're at.
Maria-Teresa "M-T" DREAMZ: His long-suffering wife.
JUSTIN CASE: Rex's BODYGUARD and the man "M-T" is having an affair with.
Lester "LITTLE LES" DREAMZ: Rex's son and heir...who's in love and involved with SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE.
SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE: A dancer at Rex's nightclub with whom he's having an affair, but who's in love with "LITTLE LES".
SAL MANELLA: Rex's Head Chef and Illegitimate Son.
NOAH COUNT: A local Grifter.
LT. SEYMORE DURT: An NYPD Detective Lieutenant.

MINOR CHARACTERS

JOE DREAMZ: Rex's brother from Chicago.
KAREN COMFORT: JOE's date for the evening.
THE BANDMASTER: The Musical Director and person who provides the musical accompaniment for the performances.

Master Script

Word Count: 23,845

         Scene #1: (THE "BANDMASTER" is playing "The Overture". "LITTLE LES" DREAMZ is up at the ticket desk with SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE looking at her as she checks people in...like an employer monitoring the work being done by an employee. He greets some of the people coming in in that capacity. He then leaves and goes to UC Table #11 and makes light, pointless conversation with SHILL #4. He pat his shoulder and moves on, passing between UL Table #10 and C Table #8. He gives generic "hey, thanks a lot for coming tonight!"-style greetings as he shakes a couple of people at the table's hands or pats them on the shoulders. As soon as LES arrives at ULC Table #7 and starts talking to SHILLs #2 & 3, it's the signal for the actual performance portion of the evening to begin, and the following Stage Business begins:

REX DREAMZ is inside the Men's Room. His bodyguard JUSTIN CASE has been waiting outside the restroom for him, and lightly raps on the Men's Room door to let him know that the show is beginning. REX enters the main room for the first time, LOUDLY exiting the Men's Room, calling distinct attention to himself. JUSTIN follows him, walking on his left side and a pace behind. He's dressed in a black two-piece suit, a white dress shirt, and a black necktie. He's wearing a professional security earpiece/mic and a pair of mirrored sunglasses. He has his hands clasped in front of him most of the time, but occasionally puts his index finger on his earpiece and 'talks' into the mic that's attached to it. Hereinafter, this will be referred to as his 'earpiece business'.

REX pats a couple of people on the back as he makes his way to his place in the center seat at the DAIS. Once he sits, JUSTIN stands on his left side and one step behind him, which, as his bodyguard, is his expected location. REX's wife, M-T DREAMZ is seated on REX's right side.

There is a bottle of 'whiskey' in front of him with about half a glassful and a swallow in it, and a full glass in front of him. He drinks from the glass over the course of about two (2) minutes. Once it's empty, he pours the whiskey from the bottle into his glass to refill it, filling the glass about half full. (The actor playing the role is careful to leave about one swallow in the bottle). Once he does, he looks annoyed and slams the bottle back down on the table. He spends about thirty seconds drinking from the glass, draining it in two (2) swallows. He seemingly forgets that the bottle is empty and tries to refill his glass from it. When the last of the whiskey starts trickles out, he looks inside the bottle in confusion, holds it over his glass and tries again...trying to 'squeeze' the whiskey out like he's trying to squeeze the juice out of an orange. He puts it up to his mouth in a futile attempt to get some out, and realizes that it isn't working. He looks disgusted and throws it sideways across the DAIS. M-T catches it before it falls to the floor. As she does, REX starts banging on the DAIS with his glass, spilling the swallow of whiskey in it all over the table as he loudly calls out to the back of the room.)

REX DREAMZ:

"HEY!" (pausing momentarily, banging the glass harder) "HEY!! My bottle's empty!"

(as soon as he does this, 'M-T' rolls her eyes, gets up, hands the bottle to his bodyguard JUSTIN and goes out to socialize with the crowd, starting in AREA #2 and working her way around the STAGE RIGHT side of the room.

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(sighing in frustration)

"Oh, great, he's at it again already?" (pats SHILL #3 on the shoulder a couple of times. Sighs and rolls his eyes.) "Excuse me...you know how he can get sometimes."

SHILL #2

(with a chuckle, at the same time as SHILL #3)

"Ha! Ya got that right!"

SHILL #3

(with a chuckle, at the same time as SHILL #2)

"Ha! No kidding!"

(LES semi-shrugs his shoulders, pats SHILL #2 on the right shoulder a couple of times with his right hand and heads through Area #5 toward the DAIS. At the same time, SERVER #1 rushes up to the DAIS with another bottle of whiskey, opens it, pours REX another glass, puts the bottle down in front of him, and backs away; indicating to the audience the level of respect that REX both demands and receives. REX drains his glass, pours himself another, takes a swallow, rises, glass still in hand, and starts to work his way around the room to greet the different people at his birthday party. As he starts to make his way toward AREA #3, JUSTIN puts the empty bottle on the floor on the Stage Left side of the table and follows him, keeping to his left and a pace behind. As they arrive at DL Table #3, JUSTIN does his 'earpiece business'. REX greets the people at DL Table #3 with a non-committal wave as he passes them. He also repeats it as they leave. At the same time, 'M-T' arrives at DR Table #4 and thanks the people there for coming and exchanges pleasantries with them.)As he walks past DLC Table #1 and REX's brother JOE DREAMZ who's played by the PERFORMANCE DIRECTOR (who's seated in Seat #2) stands up and calls out to him as he waves him over.)

REX'S Brother JOE DREAMZ:

(holding out in expectation of a hug)

"Les! Little Les Dreamz! You get over here and give your Uncle Joe a hug!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(realizing his uncle, JOE DREAMZ is at the party, he goes over with genuine warmth)

"Oh my God! Joe Dreamz! I didn't even see you there! (hugging him and pounding him on his back) "They said you weren't gonna be able to make it here tonight!"

JOE DREAMZ:

(breaks hug, laughs as he whacks LES on the chest with the back of his hand)

"What? And miss my only brother's 60th birthday party? C'mon...get real!" (laughs, pointing at REX with his thumb) "I see that he's still up to his old tricks, huh?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(almost apologetically)

"Well, you know how he is, Uncle Joe...."

JOE DREAMZ:

(He chuckles and pats LES on the shoulder)

"Hey, fuggetta'bout it! I've seen him like this from before you were even an idea!" (indicating his 'date', KAREN COMFORT played by SHILL #1.) "This is Karen, my date for tonight. (turns to KAREN COMFORT) "Karen Comfort, this is my nephew, Little Les Dreamz... ... Little Les Dreamz, Karen Comfort."

KAREN COMFORT:

(with a heavy Brooklyn accent, stays sitting)

"Oh my gawd, yaw Rex Dreamz's son?"

(putting her hand straight up with fingers extended, expecting it to be to be kissed)

"Chawmed, I'm shaw!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(uncomfortably shaking the fingers on her raised hand)

"Ummm...yeah...uhhh...pleased to meet you Miss Comfort...."

REX moves on to DLC Table #1 and almost collides with his son, LES, and his brother, "JOE DREAMZ", catching himself by hugging LES at the last second. As he does, JUSTIN does his 'earpiece business'. 'M-T', on the other side of the room, moves between DRC Table #2 and RC Table #6, greeting guests the same way she did at DR Table #4.)          

REX DREAMZ:

(hugging LES)

"How 'ya doing Lester!" (patting his back sloppily) "One helluva party, huh?

It's my birthday, ya know! Pretty damn clo-ink-a-dontal, don'cha think?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(just going along with him)

"Oh, yeah, Pop...it's an amazing coincidence!

REX DREAMZ:

(looking surprised to see his brother there)

"Oh my God! Is that my brother, Joe?? Hello, Joe! Whaddya

say, whaddya know? (hugging him, patting his back hard)

JOE DREAMZ:

(hugging him, pounding his back, laughing)

"Hey, Rex-ay! Nuttin'a hear, nuttin'a say!"

(REX sees SHILLs #2 & #3 at ULC Table #7, he seemingly forgets JOE DREAMZ is even his brother and slightly, almost imperceptibly staggers off and continues to make his rounds. When he gets to ULC Table #7 and is talking to SHILLS #2 & #3 he loosens his tie and unbuttons his top button. As he does, JUSTIN repeats his 'earpiece business'.

JOE DREAMZ:

(sighing)

"Yep, same old Rex. He really is completely oblivious at this point, isn't he?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(sighing)

"Yeah, I guess he really is" (pauses for a moment, he looks at UNCLE

JOE) "He's acting like it might be the beginnings of dementia, Uncle Joe."

JOE DREAMZ:

(rolling his eyes...then laughing)

"Acting? Beginnings? Hell no...your father's been acting demented all of his life! Ya'know...there're times when I just wanna kill him and put him outta my misery!"

(after talking briefly with SHILLS #2 & #3, REX heads off to UC Table #11 and talks with SHILL #4. As he does, he takes off his jacket and drops it behind him. JUSTIN catches it and throws it over his arm. He repeats his 'earpiece business' as they move on to URC Table #5. REX absent-mindedly struggles with his cuff-links for a few seconds as he talks with SHILL #5. Eventually he gets them off, tosses them onto the table pushes up his left sleeve and unbuttons his vest as he continues talking. As he walks off JUSTIN points at the cuff-links, and opens his hand. SHILL #5 picks up the cufflinks and hands them to JUSTIN, who nods as he opens his jacket, unconsciously displaying his gun, puts them in his pants pocket. He follows REX, repeating his 'earpiece business'.

As they arrive at RC Table #4, REX grabs seat #8 to keep himself from falling as JUSTIN repeats his 'earpiece business', talking in a more visibly concerned fashion as he helps keep REX from falling, and talks into his earpiece again. REX takes off his tie, and drapes it over the person in seat #8. He looks like he's about to talk to them, looks in his glass, sees that it's empty, pats them on the shoulder and says...)

REX DREAMZ:

(pointing at the DAIS.)

"Iscuss me...I'm thorry, but there's a drank over theer that's just dying to meet me!"

JUSTIN takes the tie off of the person in Seat # 8, opens his coat and puts it into the inside pocket, and helps REX back to the middle seat of the DAIS. At the same time, 'M-T' arrives to help him, and they plop him down into it. As soon as he's sitting, REX immediately pours himself another glass of whiskey and starts to drink from it. JUSTIN repeats his 'earpiece business', talking into the mic, and 'M-T' talks to him in a 'you can't even surprise me anymore' tone of voice.)

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Justin, for criminy sake, take off that ridiculous earpiece!

The stupid thing hasn't worked in like...months and you know it!"

JUSTIN CASE:

"I know, but using it makes me look like a 'for real' bodyguard!"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(frustrated and talking to him like he's a child)

"Justin...dear...we've had this conversation be-fore...you are a 'for real' bodyguard... (pausing and rolling her eyes in annoyance) ...and take off those ridiculous sunglasses! We're inside the Club, and it's after 7:00 at night! You look like an idiot!" (plucking them from his face and handing them to him.)

JUSTIN CASE:

"but..." (seeing the look on her face, he looks down like a boy who doesn't want to upset his mother, pauses, takes them from her, and looks down again.) "yes, ma'am."

(JUSTIN opens his jacket, and holds it open with his left hand, letting the audience see that he's wearing a gun in a vest holster. He puts the sunglasses into his inside left jacket breast pocket and goes to his usual place standing behind and to the left of REX.)

('M-T' sits down in the right-hand seat of the DAIS. SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE is in her starting position by SHILL #4 near UC Table #11. "LES" is still standing at DLC Table #1 with his back to the CS Area, making idle conversation with KAREN COMFORT and Joe Dreamz. LES , standing in the CS Area, unconsciously checks his watch, notes the time, crosses to Area #2 and addresses the person playing the character role of THE "BANDMASTER", who is actually the show's MUSICAL DIRECTOR, and seated at a work station in the DR corner in a 'stage whisper', with exaggerated hand motions):

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(looking at him, tapping the watch's face four or five times.)

"Have you seen the time? C'mon...play the intro!"

(THE "BANDMASTER" plays "Introductory Fanfare" as a musical introduction

for "LITTLE LES" as soon as he is instructed to, 'officially' beginning the show.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, can I have your attention, please!" (waiting a moment for the crowd to begin to pay him their full attention) "It is my great pleasure to welcome you all here to tonight's celebration of my father Rex Dreamz's 60th Birthday! My family and I hope that you all have a wonderful time! Mama..." (indicating 'M~T' , who stands up from her seat to the right of REX behind the DAIS.)

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Yes, thank you everyone! Thank you for coming! Rex and I are so-o-o-o glad that all of you could make it here tonight! I hope that you all enjoy the party, and we look forward to talking to you all!" (she begins blowing kisses and waving. In the meantime, through both of their speeches, REX has been visibly drinking heavily.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Now, friends, the Buffet Table will still be open for the remainder of the party, so feel free to help yourselves to whatever you..."

REX DREAMZ:

"Anything you want at all, my friends!" (Stands, interrupting LES) "Take whatever you want! What's mine is yours!! ENJOY! ENJOY!!" (sloppily raising his glass to himself and draining it. He picks up the bottle and refills his glass as THE "BANDMASTER" plays the song "It's Good to Be Me!" which Rex begins to sing:


__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"It's Good to Be Me!"

Sung by Rex Dreamz

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________





         Scene #2: (As soon as everybody else goes back to their own conversations "LITTLE LES" DREAMZ and SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE begin running toward each other. LES crosses from Area #2 to Area #4. At the same time, SHARON is crossing from Area #6 to Area #4.)

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"LES!!" (She rushes into his arms and starts hugging him, and he returns her hug. She begins to kiss him, as well. At first LES responds, but as soon as he does, he starts to think better of what they are doing, and pulls away from her embrace.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Sharon, Honey, we've got to be careful! (as he pulls back from her, and tries to act cooler and calmer.) We can't just go around hugging and kissing like this! What if my father were to see!? Or anyone else, for that matter??"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Les, I'm sick and tired of worrying about what everybody else thinks! Especially your father!! Just because he thinks he owns me doesn't mean that he does!!"

(JUSTIN CASE crosses from Area #9 to #6. Overhearing the conversation between LES & SHARON in Area #4, he stops in Area #6 to listen to what they're saying.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Sharon, as far as everybody else is concerned, my father does own you! Except for my Mother, and probably his door-stop of a bodyguard, Justin, pretty much everybody knows that you're his mistress; and nothing is going to change that."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Well maybe I'm just tired of it, Les. Maybe I'm tired of pretending to care about him. I just wish that you had some kind of an idea of what it was like to have to try to convince that angry, bitter, vicious, mean-spirited old fool that I have any feelings for him at all, anymore."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"What are you talking about? Angry? Bitter? Vicious? MY father? Unless he's dealing with a (making 'quotation marks' with his fingers) 'business competitor', my father is a pussycat! He wouldn't even hurt a fly!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Les, I think it's time you realized that you don't even know your father...not really!" (she begins rubbing her arms underneath her elbow-length gloves.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(noticing that she's been rubbing her arms, but not putting together why she is.)

"Baby, I know him well enough to know that he's all talk. So should you. That whole 'don't screw with me or I'll screw you back so hard that you'll wish I hadn't screwed you back so hard...' thing is based on who he use'ta be back in the 'Old Days'. Right now my father's just a sickly old man who's living in a fantasy world of days-gone-by whose only real friend lives in the bottom of a whiskey bottle."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Honey, your father isn't the 'pussycat' that you seem to think he is. He's cold and mean and nasty and...cruel...and he's like that all the time! You just never get to see the 'real him'. You only see the face that he 'lets' you see. If you ever saw the kind of man he really is, I don't know how you'd react!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"What are you talking about, Sharon?" Are you sure that you're not just over-reacting? I mean, I know that it's been a really long time since you've actually
loved him, but, still...."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Les...I never really loved him...I stayed with him because I was afraid of what he'd do to me if I didn't, and I'm not even talking about being his mistress...I was always able to handle being THAT. And you're right about one thing...at this point, he's drunk all the time anyway, so it's not even like I have to sleep with him anymore...so I don't even have to worry about your mother catching us in bed together...thank God... ...it's the rest of it that I can't take anymore!"

(at this point, JUSTIN goes off in search of 'M~T' , so he's newly aware of the affair between REX and SHARON, but doesn't know that REX has also been physically & emotionally abusing SHARON, or figured out that SHARON is involved with LES.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"The rest of what?? Will you please just tell

me what the hell you're talking about, Sharon??

(THE "BANDMASTER" plays the song "He Laid His Hands on Me", and SHARON and LES alternately sing the lyrics at the appropriate times. During the course of the song, SHARON displays marks and bruises that REX has made on her arms that indicate to LES that REX has been physically abusing her.)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"He Laid his Hands on Me"

Sung by SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE and "LITTLE LES" DREAMZ

(Verse #One ~ Sung by SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE):

          "It seems like only yesterday my life was really cool...
          I never thought that he would treat me like I was a fool...
          I'd managed to convince myself that I was truly brave...
          And then he started treating me like I was just his slave...
          I never even re-a-lized how awful life could be...
          Until the day that he first chose to raise his hands to me...

(Verse #Two ~ Sung by "LITTLE LES" DREAMZ):

          "My Darling, I just can't believe that what you say is true...
          There's no way that he'd ever think to raise a hand to you...
          He may not be the nicest man that I have ever met...
          But if he hit you he knows that it's something he'd regret...
          I always thought that your affair just filled him with delight...
          But if I thought he'd hurt you I would end his life tonight."

(Chorus)

          (SHARON): "Then killing him tonight is something that you'll have to do...
                    For all the things I'm telling you are true...."

          ("LES"): "...and do you swear to God that he is really such a man?
                    Are you sure that's a thing you want to do?"

(Verse #Three)

          (SHARON): "My Love, you know that I could never tell a lie to you...
                    It simply isn't something that the Lord would let me do..."

          ("LES"): "My Darling, since you've sworn this to me, naming God above...
                   My father will regret the day he struck my one true love..."

( In Duet):

                   "He'll learn he's never had a clue of how a man should be...
          ...and so tonight he'll rue the day he laid his hands on thee/me."
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Furious, and fighting back tears.)

"Baby, I had no idea that my father was treating

you so badly!! How long has this been going ON??"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Struggling to be brave, and also fighting back tears.)

"Honey, this has been going on for months! I was just trying to keep it from you!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"For God's sake, WHY, Baby?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Dammit, Les, he's your FATHER!! What was I supposed to do? Tell you that he's
been beating me?? Tell you he's been making my life a living HELL?? Ask you to kill your own FATHER for me?? Is THAT what you expected me to do?? IS IT???"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"In the name of all that's Holy, Sharon! I don't care if he's my father, or the President of the United States, or anybody else!! He's been BEATING you!! He's been beating the woman I love, and I won't allow it!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"I just wish that that was all there was to it, Honey; you have no idea how much I wish that that was all there was."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"What are you talking about, Sharon??"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Just forget about it, Les..."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Slower, more business-like and authoritative, and trying to control his anger.)

"What...are...you...talking...about, Sharon?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Les..."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Tell me...now."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Les...the physical stuff isn't nearly as bad as the way that he screws with my head... (She pauses, and he gives her a "look" that implies to her that she had best go on with what she's saying.) He... (pausing for a moment) ...he makes me feel...well...worthless, Honey...like if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have anything at all...like... (pausing for a moment, again) ...like he gave me everything that I have...and he can just take it all away from me again in a moment, any time he wants to!" (She finally breaks down in tears and begins sobbing, softly.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Dammit, Sharon, he can't take ANYTHING away from you!! I swear to you...that sick monster is never going to hurt ANYBODY, EVER again!! I'll see to that!!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Oh my God, Les!! What are you going to do??"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"DO? I'll cut out his damn HEART! THAT's what I'll do!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"NO, Les!! PLEASE!!! It's not WORTH it!! I'M not worth it!!!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Not WORTH it?? YOU'RE not worth it??? That's my FATHER talking, not you!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"But you'll get CAUGHT!! THEN what'll I do?!?!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"I'm not gonna get caught, Baby...I know what I'm doing. That sick, twisted, arrogant old egomaniac broke your heart...so he broke MY heart...and now I'm gonna break HIS!!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Honey...maybe I know a better way to 'break his heart'... (pausing, and stealthily looking in both directions, she pulls out a bottle of REX's heart medication from her clutch purse, and raises a finger to her nose to indicate secrecy.) This is your father's heart medication, Honey. He needs a VERY specific dosage. Too little of his medicine, or too much of his medicine, and he will never make it to another doctor's appointment on time, again...because he will be 'the late' Rex Dreamz!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Baby...what are you talking about? What are you planning to do??"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Honey...I'm the one who makes sure that he takes his meds on time...and I'm the one who's in charge of keeping track of how much he takes in each dose...so... (she pauses again, looking around to be sure that nobody can overhear her plan) When they pour the champagne for the toast, later, I'll get him to take his heart meds."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"I'm sorry, Baby, but I don't think that mixing a dose of his heart medication with a glass of champagne is gonna kill him! In fact, I don't think that it'll even slow him down! He already drinks like a damn fish, and it hasn't hurt him yet!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Honey...who said anything about a dose? I was talking about the whole bottle!!" (She looks rather proud of herself, and LES looks shocked; and a little impressed.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"You mean...."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"I mean that once I have the bottle open, I'll just dump all of the pills into his champagne glass, and the bubbles in the champagne will dissolve them in like two seconds. Once they're dissolved, I'll just hand him the glass, like the good little 'serving-wench' that I am; and he'll just gulp it back, the same way he always does."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"What if he notices that it tastes funny?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Oh, come on, Honey! By that point he'll be so drunk that he wouldn't even notice if the glass was full of cat piss! And even if he does notice it...once he's drank it...it'll be too late. He'll have a massive heart attack, and everyone will just assume that it was because he was drinking too much."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Well, I don't know, Baby...."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Oh, PLEASE, Les! THINK ABOUT IT!! Which do you think will be easier to explain away? A man who everyone knows has a bad ticker getting drunk in front of a room full of witnesses suddenly dying of a heart attack, or a man enjoying himself at a party in a room full of witnesses suddenly ending up with a knife sticking out of his chest? Which makes more sense to you?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"OK, Baby...OK! I'll think about it! Just give me a little bit of time to think about it. We'll probably do it your way...but if I say we're doing it my way, we're doing it my way...and I don't wanna hear any arguments outta you...you got that?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(With an attitude of good humor, and a 'playful' faux salute.)

"Yes, Sir."

(SHARON watches as LES walks toward the kitchen. Once he is out of earshot, THE "BANDMASTER" plays the song "Silly Dreams". SHARON walks into the CS Area, sings the song as she walks toward BUFFET TABLE #1.)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Shattered Dreams"

Sung by SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE

(Verse #One):

                             "Once upon a time, when I was a girl...
          I had dreamed my dreams of a perfect world...
          But I never dreamed in my saddest dreams...
          what a nightmare life could truly be...
          but as life went on and I learned the score...
          I discovered that if I wanted more...
          I would have to find my own way to find...
          all the dreams of dreams in my mind..."

(Verse #Two):

          "And I found as I tried there was no way...
          that I could do it alone...
          I'd be forced to do things I knew for sure...
          that I would surely come to regret...
          so I turned to a man who promised me...
          he'd surely make all my dreams come true...
          and I trusted his lies, and learned it was the worst thing...
          that I could ever do...

(Verse #Three)

          "Now I've learned that my life is just broken dreams...
          That I've sold my soul to he who wrecks dreams...
          That my life is even worse than it seems...
          under the thumb of Mister Dreamz.
          He who lives for crushing people's dreams...
          In his universe of shattered dreams."
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________



         Scene #3: (JUSTIN CASE crosses from Area #9 to Area #7, has just overheard the beginning of the exchange that took place between SHARON and LES in Scene #2, as described above. Thus, he doesn't know that SHARON and LES have talked about killing him. He wanders aimlessly around the room looking for 'M~T' while SHARON sings her song...and finally meets 'M~T' in Area #5. It should very rapidly become evident to the audience that, generally speaking, JUSTIN is not terribly bright, and that
'M~T' has become rather accustomed to talking to him like he is a child.)

JUSTIN CASE:

" 'M~T'! I been lookin' for you everywhere! Where you been at?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(With a smile, and a playful, almost amused roll of her eyes.)

"Why, Justin Case, you big, dumb, lovable lummox, I've been

right here the whole time! What can I do for you, Sweetie?"

JUSTIN CASE:

(With an air of momentary confusion that typifies his character.)

"Ummm...you were here the whole time? Why didn't I see you?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"I'm sure I don't know, Sweetie... (patiently) ...What did you want, Justin?"

JUSTIN CASE:

"Uhhh... (thinking a moment.) Oh yeah!! You'll never guess what I just heard!"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Well, in that case, maybe you should just tell me, Justin."

JUSTIN CASE:

"Uhhh...OK...(pausing)...Guess what I just heard?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Well, unless I'm mistaken, Sweetie, I believe that you were about to tell me."

JUSTIN CASE:

"Oh...yeah...ummm...it's about Rex and Sharon!"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Beginning to lose her patience.)

"What about them, Justin."

JUSTIN CASE:

"They're having an affair, 'M~T', they're having an AFFAIR!! A real honest to goodness AFFAIR!! Or would that be a dishonest to goodness affair...hmmmm...."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Justin, Sweetie, I'm sure that you just misunderstood what was being said."

JUSTIN CASE:

"DAMMIT, M~T! This ain't like that time that Sal Manella convinced me I could use anchovy paste instead of tooth paste to brush my teeth with! They're really having an affair! I heard Sharon say it to Little Les with my own ears!!"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Not wanting to believe him, and honestly thinking that he's wrong.)

"What, exactly, did she say to him, Justin?"

JUSTIN CASE:

(Beginning to lose HIS patience.)

"She said that they're having an AFFAIR! And that she was his Mistress, and stuff about the way he treated her, and somethin' about her being tired of having to pre-tend and hide her feelings, and that sometimes he was mean and nasty to her..."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Ummm...Justin...."

JUSTIN CASE:

(Not letting her interrupt him.)

"And then Little Les said that everybody but me and you knew that they were having an affair...and then SHE said something about her being used to being his Mistress, and that now she ain't even worried about you catching her sleeping with Rex anymore... ...or somethin' like that...."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Why that little trollop! That little home-wrecking...(pausing and thinking for a moment)...wait a minute...are you saying that my SON knew about all this, too??"

JUSTIN CASE:

"Uhhh...(thinking for a moment.) I don't think so, M~T. It sorta seemed to me that Little Les was just finding out about it, too... (pausing briefly) ...I mean...a LOT of what she was saying seemed to really kinda surprise him, too."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Well, thank God for small favors, at least!"

JUSTIN CASE:

"Uhhh...I don't get something, 'M~T'. I mean...I was just thinking about it, and... what's so awful about Rex and Sharon having an affair? I mean...we've been having an affair for years, so why's it so terrible for them to be having one? Now that you're both cheating on each other...isn't this kinda what you want?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(With a momentary air of confusion of her own.)

"What? What in the world are you talking about, Justin?"

JUSTIN CASE:

"What I mean is, if Rex loves SHARON, and you love ME, then why don't you both just get a divorce? Then he can be with her, and you can be with me, and everybody can be happy! At least, that all seems to make sense to me."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"...and I'll bet that you came up with that little 'pearl of wisdom' all by yourself, didn't you, Justin? Ya'know, expecting to hear a single, intelligent, original thing come out of your mouth is like expecting to hear the truth coming out of a politician's mouth! (Thoroughly exasperated by the blank stare that he is giving her in response to her comment.) That has got to be one of the stupidest things that I've ever heard!!! How can you even suggest something like that???"

JUSTIN CASE:

(Oblivious, but in a 'lovable' sort of way.)

"What do you mean?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Still exasperated, dealing with it better at first, but with mounting anger.)

"Justin, how can you even suggest that I get a divorce? That's absolutely ridiculous! I've had to put up with that pushy, arrogant windbag for over thirty years! When we first got together we were dirt poor! We worked, and we struggled, and we saved; and now that I'm finally living the 'good life', you expect me to just give up everything that I've spent my whole life working for so that he can give it all to his little 'dancing girl' bed-warmer? FAT CHANCE!!"

JUSTIN CASE:

"What do you mean 'give up everything'? You won't be giving anything up. You worked for it, too, so half of it is yours. Besides, I got a decent job, too; ya'know."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"First of all, Justin, REX owns 'The Dream Room', not me. It's one of the most popular nightclubs in Manhattan...and anybody who's anybody goes there...and all of them know Rex. Now, even though the real reason that the club's been so successful has been because of me, and my managing the books...on PAPER, I'm really nothing more than the club's bookkeeper...and a 'bookkeeper' can be fired at any time...for any reason... ...or even for NO reason at all."

JUSTIN CASE:

"Oh."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Secondly, Rex's got a lot of power and a lot prestige in this town. He's not just 'Rex Dreamz'...he's 'pillar of the community' Rex Dreamz! He's pretty much got connections right up to the Mayor, down at City Hall...not to mention all the pull that he has with the City Council...and that isn't even bringing up the fact that he basically owns most of the cops and detectives and Judges in the city..."

JUSTIN CASE:

"What do you mean he 'owns' them? Nobody can own people."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Getting annoyed.)

"It's an expression, you idiot! It means that the cops will back up just about anything that he says, and that the Judges will decide cases in his favor, just because he happens to be 'nightclub owner Rex Dreamz of The Dream Room'."

JUSTIN CASE:

"Oh. Well, I got a good job, too, M~T. It's not like we'll be hurtin' for money."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Justin, Rex is a wealthy, powerful New York City nightclub owner; and you're nothing more than a glorified 'Security Guard'...and if Rex and I get divorced, you'll be an unemployed glorified security guard! (His mouth opens in dumb surprise.) Ahhhh...I see that it hadn't even occurred to you that if we got divorced he'd fire you, had it?"

JUSTIN CASE:

"Uuuuh...I guess I never really thought about it...you mean he would really...."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"In a New York minute, Justin."

JUSTIN CASE:

"Then what're we gonna do, M~T?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"There's only one thing to do, Justin...we're gonna have to get rid of him."

JUSTIN CASE:

"What are you talkin' about 'get rid of him'?

You mean like 'GET RID OF HIM' get rid of him???"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Well, I'm not talking like 'give him a dollar and send him to the movies' get

rid of him!! Of course I'm talking about 'GET RID OF HIM' get rid of him!!"

JUSTIN CASE:

(Obviously very nervous and breathing more heavily.)

"M~T...how...how exactly are we supposed to 'get rid of him'??"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Justin, there's gonna be a guy coming around later selling clues! Here's a dollar! Feel free to buy one! (Pulling a dollar out of her purse, but pulling it back as he actually reaches for it.) You're Rex's bodyguard, you idiot! YOU'VE GOT A GUN!!"

JUSTIN CASE:

"I know, 'M~T'...I know...but...you expect me to just shoot him? Just like that??"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Justin, Sweetie, you don't really have to shoot him."

JUSTIN CASE:

"M~T, I know that I'm not exactly the 'brightest tool in the shed', but if you don't expect me to really shoot him...then how do you expect me to really kill him?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Sweetie, you know that Rex has a bad heart as well as I do. What you probably don't know is that guns make him more nervous than a faith-healer with a hot appendix. Hell, he gets chest pains from just looking at a gun! All you need to do is fire the gun a couple of times, and he'll have a major heart attack, keel over, and drop dead on the spot. All I have to do is to make sure that his high-kicking hussy of a girlfriend doesn't give him any more of his heart meds tonight...so I'm going to have to get that bottle away from her somehow."

JUSTIN CASE:

"How you gonna do that?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Just leave that part up to me, Sweetie. You just wait for me to let you know when the time is right. Once I've got that little bottle, it'll be smooth sailing from here on in! You'll fire your gun, Rex will die, I'll inherit 'The Dream Room', I'll kick that stinkin' strumpet out on her little 'Can-Can'; and then I'll start to really live the good life! (He looks at her strangely, like he realized she hasn't included him in her plans.) Sorry, Sweetie...WE...I meant WE'll start to really live the good life."

JUSTIN CASE:

"Ok, 'M~T'...for a second I was worried."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Patting his cheek softly, like a mother would to a small child.)

"That's okay, Sweetie, I just made a little mistake. Believe me, Justin; you have nothing to worry about at all. Now you just go off and enjoy the rest of the party, and I'll let you know when I've got the meds...so we can give Rex a taste of his own medicine."

JUSTIN CASE:

"A taste of his own...."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Never mind, Justin...just go!" (JUSTIN exits, crossing from Area #5 to Area #4. Once he's out of earshot, she continues.) "Idiot." (Snidely, w/a disgusted roll of her eyes.) "No, 'sweetie', you really have nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about at all. (She waves to him as he stands in Area #4.) I guess that this way I get to kill two birds with one stone!"

(THE "BANDMASTER" plays the song "I Love Him to Death", and

'M~T' sings it. After completing it, goes to sit at the DAIS with REX.)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"I Love Him to Death"

Sung by "M-T" Dreamz

(Verse #One):

                   "Oh, once long ago when I was rather young,
          I had fallen in love with the man of my dreams...
          We seemed like a couple just made for each other.
          Our being together seemed what God had deemed.
          Our love it seemed boundless in length, depth and breadth...
          so we swore before God we'd be joined until death."

(Verse #Two):

          "For years we've been married...I thought we were happy...
          but now in our life infidelity teems...
          for on this dark ev'ning I chanced to discover...
          that I've been forsaken for some-one-else, it seems...
          Our love it seemed boundless in length, depth and breadth...
          An'-I believed in my heart we'd be joined until death."

(Verse #Three)

          "I know that I have been unfaithful to him...
          but I never knew exactly...
          just how painful this can feel until I...
          got to feel this feeling as it permeates my life...
          and now that I have felt this emptiness inside me...
          I know that I simply can't endure this anguish...
          now that I have felt it from the sad perspective of a jilted wife.
          I love him although with pain I am beset,
          And this feeling is something I'll make him regret."

(Verse #Four)

          "My love I had told him would e'er be unshaken...
          That ever and always I'd hold his love dear...
          He'd told me the same, but I have been mistaken...
          and now that I know this, he's going to know fear...
          Our love once seemed boundless in length, depth and breadth...
          for we swore before God we'd be joined until death.
          I thought this each day as I drew in each breath...
          Which he too will do as he draws his last breath...
          When he at last learns that I love him to death!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________




         Scene #4: NOAH COUNT enters the room through the MAIN ENTRANCE and starts milling about the room in Areas #4 ~ #9, and across the back of the theater. SHARON notices him while he's in Area #6. Since she doesn't know him, she approaches him to try to find out how he got into a private party.)

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Excuse me, sir...I know this is going to sound like a strange question, but...this is kinda a...private party...and I made out the guest list myself, so I pretty much know everybody who's s'posed to be here and who's not, and I'm really...not exactly sure who you are, sir...so I was kind of wondering...."

NOAH COUNT:

(With an almost 'apologetic' laugh.)

"I'm sorry, Honey, I'm Noah...Noah Count. I'm not really a 'guest', I suppose. I'm a friend of your cook, Sal Manella. You're probably not aware of it, but Sal's mother passed away last week, and he's still a little bit upset about it, as you can well imagine; so I'm just here to help him out."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Oh, my gosh! I had no idea that his mother passed away! I'm so sorry!"

NOAH COUNT:

"Thank you, honey. It kind of came as a surprise to all of us. Anyway, last week at the funeral, I told Sal that I would always be here for him if he needed any help, so, well...here I am."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Well thank you so-o-o-o-o-o much for helping out Sal. He and I have been friends for years, but he never even told me that his mother passed. I wish that I'd known, so I could have gone to the funeral...you know...just to show my support for him. I guess I can understand Sal not wanting to, well, burden me with his problems, and all; but I'm really kind of surprised that Mr. Dreamz didn't tell me...I mean...we could have gone to the funeral together."

NOAH COUNT:

(With an almost disgusted tone in his voice.)

"That would have been swell if Mr. Dreamz had even gone to the funeral."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Genuinely shocked.)

"What!? You mean Rex didn't even go! I can't believe that!"

NOAH COUNT:

(With a sadder tone to his voice.)

"Neither could Sal, honey...neither could Sal. He was very disappointed."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"I'm sorry, Mr. Count. I really am. I wish I could say something that would help, but I guess there really isn't anything to say. It's kind of unfortunate, but I'm afraid that Mr. Dreamz has disappointed a lot of people; over the years."

NOAH COUNT:

"That's sorta what I figured, honey. It seems kind of obvious. (pausing a moment.) Is it my imagination, or has he done something to 'disappoint' you, too?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Oh, Mr. Count, I don't want to burden you now, either. Yes, Rex has caused me a little grief...actually, he's caused me a lot of grief; but that's just the way he is. I guess I've just learned to get used to it. He's not a bad man, really. In fact, he's really a great man in a lot of ways. He's just a great man that has bad moments."

NOAH COUNT:

"Honey, your Mr. Dreamz has caused me more 'grief' over the years than I can even keep track of at this point. And he's done the same thing to Sal. I have no idea exactly what he's done to you, but I think that we have different ideas about what a 'great' man actually is. Or how easy it is for a bad small man with the right opportunity to destroy a great big man who simply isn't paying close enough attention to what's going on around him. Just remember, honey, 'No matter how high an eagle can fly...a scorpion is always a scorpion'."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Mildly confused.)

"A scorpion is always a scorpion? I don't understand, Mr. Count."

NOAH COUNT:

"Ok...once there was a scorpion who wanted to cross a wide river that was miles long; and he knew that there was no way that he could cross it on his own. Then he noticed a mighty eagle sitting in a tree at the edge of the river, and he asked the eagle to carry him across. Of course, the eagle refused, saying that surely the scorpion would sting him, and he would die...so the scorpion suggested that the eagle just fly along the edge of the river, and the scorpion would jump onto his back as he passed. Once they were flying over the river, if the scorpion were to sting the eagle, then they would both fall in the river and drown. This made sense to the eagle, so he agreed...but...as they were flying over the river, the scorpion stung him...and as they began to fall, and the eagle felt the scorpion's poison coursing through his veins, he asked him why he stung him, since now they would both surely die...and do you know what the scorpion said?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"No, what?"

NOAH COUNT:

"Because I had no choice! I'm a SCORPION! It's my NATURE!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"I'm sorry, Mr. Count...I still don't get it."

NOAH COUNT:

"It's really very simple, honey...no matter how hard he tries, even if his very life depends on it, a scorpion can't help being a scorpion. He can't fight his NATURE."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"I see...I guess...but what has all this got to do with us?"

NOAH COUNT:

"You'll find out, honey...(pausing briefly)...you'll find out...and then everything will all suddenly make sense...in God's good time. (noticing that she looks like she's going to start to ask him questions that he doesn't want to answer, he quickly changes the subject) So, honey...what exactly did Mr. Dreamz do to hurt you?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Suddenly being placed on the defensive, herself, she answers guardedly.)

"Oh, nothing really so terrible, Mr. Count. I'm the person who's in charge of all of the dancers at Mr. Dreamz nightclub, and it was Mr. Dreamz who really gave me my first real chance, when he hired me as a dancer; so I guess that I pretty much owe my career to him...sort of the way that Sal does, I guess..."

NOAH COUNT:

"And let me guess...he never lets you forget that fact, does he?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Well...I guess not...but how did you know that, Mr. Count?"

NOAH COUNT:

"Let's just say that it was an 'inspired guess', honey...and it's Noah."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Indicating herself.)

"Sharon...and it certainly was an inspired guess Mr. Count... ...I mean Noah."

NOAH COUNT:

"Pleased to meet you, Sharon...and I also assume that he 'lords it over

you' all the time...the fact that you wouldn't be anyone today, if it weren't for him? And how much you owe him? He does it a lot, doesn't he, Sharon?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"All the time!" (Suddenly catching herself.) "Well, not really all the time, Noah...I mean, he reminds of it from time to time...but I've gotten used to it...really."

NOAH COUNT:

"I'm sure that you have, honey, and I'm sure that everything's really just fine; even though there are probably plenty of times when you wish that he weren't around anymore to rub your face in it, aren't there, Sharon?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Hardly ever, Noah. Really, I think I'm really very lucky that he gave me all of the help that he did...even if there are times when I wish that he wasn't...."

REX DREAMZ:

(Calling loudly and drunkenly from his seat behind the DAIS.)

"SHARON!!!! GET UP HERE!!!!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Relieved that she's being 'rescued', even though it is by REX.)

"I'm sorry, Noah...I've got to go...maybe we can talk later."

NOAH COUNT:

(with a chuckle, he pats her on her shoulder)

"That's alright, honey, go...your 'Lord & Master' is calling you, after all, isn't he?"

(SHARON smiles, and begins to cross through Area #7 and Area #5, to Area #3, heading for the front of DCL DAIS. As she does, NOAH takes a small wooden chest out of his pocket and focuses all of his attention on it. He opens it and pets the edge of the top and 'talks to it' like it's a beloved pet....)

"That's alright, honey, go...we'll take care of everything, won't we, my little friend? We'll take care of everything...one scorpion to another...I mean.... (he slams it shut and shakes the case very cautiously, as if caught off guard by whatever's inside. He takes a quick breath to calm himself, and addresses it again.) ...I mean, we can't help ourselves, can we? ...After all...it's our NATURE."

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________





         Scene #5: (REX has made his way around the party throughout the first four scenes, establishing to the audience that he's been drinking very heavily. He made his way back to his seat at the DAIS by the end of SCENE #4.)

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(arriving at the DAIS a little out of breath.)

"What can I do for you, Mr. Dreamz?"

REX DREAMZ:

(Still loudly and drunkenly.)

"What can you do? What kinda question is that?? You're a DANCER, aren't you?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Well, yeah, but...."

REX DREAMZ:

"So DANCE!!! Let's see some HOOFIN'!!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(with a nervous tone evident in her voice)

"Well, Mr. Dreamz, you know that I'd love to...really I would...but you know that

all of my dance routines are duets, and since you didn't invite any of the guys who I usually dance with; there really isn't any way for me to do them by myself, so...."

REX DREAMZ:

(Louder and more boisterous, like an angry spoiled child.)

"I don't wanna HEAR it!!! DANCE!!!" (he begins to bang on the DAIS

loudly to emphasize each word) "...DANCE! DANCE!! DANCE!!!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(rushing to her defense)

"Umm...I think that I can help out here, Pop...

how'za'bout I dance with Miss Shar-a-like?"

REX DREAMZ:

(Clearly touched, though equally oblivious.)

"You would do that for ME, Lester?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"What the heck, Pop...it's your birthday! I guess I can make the 'sacrifice'."

REX DREAMZ:

"You are truly a son to be proud of, my boy."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"No problem, Pop...no problem at all! (to SHARON) I assume you can dance Latin?" (SHARON shyly nods yes; and LES turns and talks to THE "BANDMASTER".) "Mr. Bandmaster...please give us something hot, spicy, & Latin! And I'm not talking burritos, here!"

          (THE "BANDMASTER" switches to an upbeat Latin dance number. LES and SHARON begin to perform the dance for the crowd in Area #1, Area #2, and Area #3 in front of the DAIS. They end the dance number with an elaborate dip. LES swings SHARON back up after they finish the dance, both of them laughing as he does. They hug, briefly, and cross back to Area #1, then to Area #3. As they do, 'M~T', standing in Area #2 sees it, becomes upset, storming across the room loudly as she heads toward the Main Entrance to go outside to calm herself down.)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________






         Scene #6: (LES is standing in Area #3 with SHARON, and JUSTIN is standing in Area #4. LES & JUSTIN have both noticed that 'M~T' has stormed out of the room, and rush to follow her. They almost collide with each other in Area #3 as the hurry after her to see what's wrong. JUSTIN turns on LES.)

JUSTIN CASE:

(Angrily.)

"Where the hell do you think you're going!?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Indignantly.)

"To find out what's wrong with my mother!!

Where the hell do you think you're going!?"

JUSTIN CASE:

"ME? I know what's wrong with your mother! I'm going to see what I can do to help her feel better!!

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"YOU? YOU know what's wrong with my mother? Look, Case, you've got less brains than a sack full of wrenches...and about as much right as the damn wrenches have to be trying to interfere in my family's personal problems! You're a just a freakin' bodyguard!! (Talking down to him like a stupid child...) Why don't you just go stand behind my father with your hand on your gun like a good little boy and do what we pay you to do...and leave the thinking to us higher forms of life!! Or is just doing your job too much of a responsibility for you? Because if it is, then I'm sure that that's one responsibility that I can help to relieve you of!"

JUSTIN CASE:

"Listen, Mr. 'Higher Life Form'...I might not be any kind of 'Alvin Einsteen', but at least I'm smart enough to know what's goin' on around here! Do you wanna know why your mother is so upset? 'Cause I can tell you! It's because of YOU! You and your little 'dancing girl' girlfriend!!

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Me and SHARON? What are you talking about?!

JUSTIN CASE:

"I'm talking about the fact that you just made it clear to everyone at the party that you and SHARON are sweet on each other! Not only does 'M~T' have to deal
with finding out that her husband is cheating on her with that toe-tapping tart, but now she's gotta deal with the fact that her own son is gettin' it on with her, too! How do you think that she's supposed to react to all this, 'Mr. Devoted Son'?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Justin, you're absolutely wrong! There's nothing going on between Sharon and my father, and there's certainly nothing going on between Sharon and ME!"

JUSTIN CASE:

"Les, just save it for somebody who's actually as stupid as you think that I am!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Look, Justin, I don't know where you even got these ideas from, but...."

JUSTIN CASE:

"Oh, for crimony's sake, Les! Just give it a rest!! I heard you and SHARON talking before! I heard the two of you when she admitted that she was your father's mistress!! And I could tell by the way you two was dancin' that you two got feelings for each other! I know that look, Les! I know how a man looks at a woman when there's somethin' goin' on between them...and how she looks at him!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Justin...I'm telling you...I don't know what you think you heard, but...."

JUSTIN CASE:

"Just CAN it, Dreamz! You know that I'm right!! I KNOW that look! It's the same look that 'M~T' and I give each other...and I KNOW what I heard you guys say, so don't even try to deny it!! You think you're so-o-o-o-o damned clever, but not only are you messing around with a girl who ain't nuthin' more than your father's toy, but you're also managing to break you mother's heart!!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Caught all aback.)

"Damn it, I'm not trying to break anybody's heart, I'm

just... ... Wait a minute... ...WHAT did you just say??

JUSTIN CASE:

"I said you're also managing to break you mother's heart!!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(With growing anger.)

"NO, NO, NO...BEFORE that!"

JUSTIN CASE:

(Becoming confused.)

"Ummm...that Sharon is nothing more than your father's toy?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(With still more anger.)

"NO! BEFORE that! About you and my MOTHER?!?!"

JUSTIN CASE:

(Still confused.)

"Ummm...What did I say about me and your mother?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Obviously exaggerating to illicit the response he wants.)

"You said that you were going at it hot and heavy and down and dirty!"

JUSTIN CASE:

(Suddenly feeling 'caught'.)

"NO FREAKIN' WAY!! What 'M~T' and me got goin' on is about a helluva lot

more than just 'goin' at it', and I NEVER would have said that it was!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(With 'controlled' anger.)

"You didn't...until NOW!

JUSTIN CASE:

('Scared Stupid')

"Les...I...I...I...."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"How long has this been going on, Case?"

JUSTIN CASE:

"Les...uhhhh...Mr. Dreamz...I...."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Losing it.)

"HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON!?!?"

JUSTIN CASE:

"I...I'm not sure, Mr. Dreamz...maybe two or three years...but...."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Furious.)

"YEARS?? TWO OR THREE YEARS!?!?!"

JUSTIN CASE:

(getting very worried.)

"Mr. Dreamz...."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Justin...you just admitted to me that you've been messin' around with my mother for the last two or three years! Just shut your damn mouth and get out of my sight! And I mean get out of my sight NOW!!!

JUSTIN CASE:

(genuinely pleading.)

"Mr. Dreamz...PLEASE, just let me try to explain...."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Justin...if you don't get out of my sight in the next five seconds, I promise you that the only 'explanation' that people are gonna be lookin' for is an explanation of where the hell you disappeared to; because if you don't get out of here RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna cut you up into such teeny tiny little pieces that there won't be any big enough left for them to get a positive DNA sample from!! NOW BEAT IT!!!"

          (JUSTIN looks very nervous and scared, & backs away. He basically retreats 'with his tail between his legs', heading back to the party through Areas #2, 4, 6, & 8. THE "BANDMASTER" plays the song "The Son Shall Rise Again". As LES sings it, he walks around the set; concluding it back in Area #9.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"The Son Shall Rise Again"

Sung by "Little Les" Dreamz

(Verse #One):

"I've lived for, oh, so many years and thought that I now knew...
all that this world could ever show a man, but still some things are new...
for I've discovered on this day there are so many ways to grow...
because I have uncovered facts that I simply did not know...
'til today, I was oh, so sure that my life was secure...
but now I've learn'd things that have left me feeling insecure.
I've learned that my father is abusing my true love...
Which I see as a horrid sin to God, Himself, above...
Had I known the way that he was treating her before today...
I would have had a chance to stop him in another way."

(Verse #Two):

"I also have found out my mother also cheats on him...
The way I see it now my life could never be much more grim...
I don't think I've e'er been so bothered since the day that she gave birth...
I'd thought despite my problems I still had a feeling of self-worth...
Now my heart, it is so heavy and my world is so confused...
and all the things I thought I knew are suddenly diffused...
for the knowledge that I've gleaned today, how could I e'er prepare?
These miseries have truly left my heart full of despair...
I cannot say for sure exactly how or why or when...
          but rest assured, through God's good grace, this son shall rise again."

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________






          Scene #7: ( LES stands in Area #9 for a few seconds calming himself, and sees the doors of the Main Entrance opening, as 'M~T' enters. LES crosses from Area #9 and approaches her in Area #8.)

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Calmer, but absent-mindedly, as if unexpectedly called away from her thoughts.)

"Ummmm...Lester... (shaking her head as if to clear it.) ...what's going on?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"What's going on? How can you even ASK me a question like that??"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Still calm, but confused.)

"What are you talking about, Lester?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Angry and indignant, with an obviously sardonic edge.)

"I'm sorry if I got you all confused, Ma! Maybe I ought'a get your 'Brainiac' boyfriend over here to help you out...but considering he's got the mind of a retarded two-year-old, it might be better if I just tried to explain it to you. I'm obviously not as good at dealing with brain damaged children as you are!!" (he accusingly points shaking his Up-Stage index finger at her as he says 'you are'.)

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Responding with equal anger.)

"MY boyfriend!? MY BOYFRIEND?!?! You've got a HELLUVA nerve pointing a finger at ME, Lester Dreamz!!! GO AHEAD!!! POINT!!!! POINT your damn finger at
me!!!! Just be sure that when you DO, you notice that you got three fingers pointing back at YOURSELF!!!" (LES looks at his hand and unconsciously counts the fingers that point back at him, touching each with his other index finger.) "THAT's right, 'Brainiac'...THREE fingers! Do you wanna know what they mean?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Trying not to lose his anger.)

"Uh...NO...no, Ma...look...listen to me!!"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(In control of the conversation, and refusing to give it up.)

"NO, Lester, YOU listen to ME! The first finger that's pointing at you? (tapping her pinkie...) That's you secretly screwing around behind my back with that son-stealing, stage~stomping strumpet!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Wanting to defend himself...and Sharon.)

"Ma...PLEASE...There's nothing wrong with me seeing SHARON, and she isn't...."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Firmly, with righteous indignation.)

"SHUT UP! (tapping her ring finger...) This second finger

is you knowing that your FATHER is screwing around

with her, but you messing around with her anyway!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Now just trying to defend SHARON.)

"Ma...PLEASE...."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(With powerful anger, and a tone of finality.)

"I SAID SHUT UP!!" (firmly holding the tip of her extended middle finger, and shaking it to 'punctuate' each point that she raises...) "THIS finger...this MIDDLE finger...this is the finger that you're giving ME!! THIS finger is you not only messing AROUND with that 'Ballroom Bimbo', and knowing that your FATHER, MY HUSBAND, your MOTHER'S HUSBAND, is messing around with her, TOO...but you're STILL finding a way to justify keeping it to YOURSELF!!! Are you SURE that you STILL wanna point that finger at me, Lester?? Are you REALLY SURE?!?!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Trying to regain control of the conversation, and resurrect his own anger.)

"LOOK, Ma...this isn't about ME! It isn't about me, and it isn't about SHARON!
And don't even try to make it about us! SHARON and I are single and in LOVE!! That's what a relationship is supposed to be like!! This is about you and CASE!! So before you go pointing any fingers at ME, maybe you better think about the fact that the two of YOU have been messing around for the last few years!!

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Firmly, with righteous indignation and a feigned tone of 'innocent curiosity'.)

"REALLY?! And just how long has your 'Sainted Father' been" (using her fingers to indicate quotation marks...) 'using his nail gun' on that little piece of sheetrock
that the two of you've both been spackling?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Becoming calmer, and beginning to recognize and acknowledge his own guilt.)

"Quite a while, I guess"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Also becoming visibly calmer.)

"Quite a while?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Resigning himself to the obvious conclusion.)

"Alright...years, I guess."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Almost 'conciliatory'.)

"You guess?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Feeling defeated.)

"Alright, alright...it's been going on for years."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"And according to what Justin heard you and SHARON saying, just about everybody, including all of my so-called 'friends' (air-signing quotation marks), know that it's been going on for years, too...am I right?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Yeah, I guess so."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Well, one thing that I never did was publicly humiliate your father by making a big spectacle out of the fact that I was cheating on him. I was at least discrete."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"I guess you're right, Ma."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Putting her hand on his up-stage shoulder.)

"Lester, we're both fighting with each other, and neither of us deserves it. In our own way, each of us is guilty. I never would have had an affair with that 'house-plant', Justin, if your father hadn't driven me to it. I know that you can't tell it to look at him, but your father can really be a very cold and mean-spirited man... mean-spirited...and sometimes even vicious. I just needed someone...anyone...to make me feel special again...and wanted. I wish there was some way I could help you to understand what I'm talking about...but in a LOT of ways, I'm glad I can't."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Ma...I do understand...better than you know...but you're all wrong about SHARON, too. She doesn't want to be Pop's mistress...he's forcing her to! She doesn't even sleep with him, Ma! She just lets him beat her up and call her his mistress!!"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Torn between doubt and hope.)

"Lester, why would she possibly let your father do that to her? It doesn't make any sense. I'm married to him, so I've got to put up with it...what's her excuse?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"She puts up with it because Pop promised her that he would fire her if she didn't, and he'd see to it that she never works again...and we all know that he can do it!"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Finally beginning to understand.)

"So that poor girl's just another victim in all of this, too..." (pausing.) "...Lester, there's no real reason for us to waste any more time trying to find fault with each other. It's kind of like one victim trying to prove to the other victim which of them's been hurt worse, when they should both be thinking about who's been doing the hurting. Son, all of our problems boil down to being your father's fault."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"I know, Ma. But knowing that doesn't change anything."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Well, knowing what I know now, after tonight, things're going to be different around here. VERY different...I promise you that! I just can't let this go on anymore...too many people are being hurt."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"YOU can't let this go on anymore? What do you think you can do about it?"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"You just let Momma figure out what to do, Lester. I've spent the last four months trying to come up with new and exciting ways to make this stupid 60th birthday shindig be a 'party to die for'. Assuming that I can pull off exactly that, by the end of the night I can see to it that you father is a lot less threatening than everyone around here seems to think he is; that Justin Case will be out of my life for good;" (stroking his upstage cheek) "and that my precious son can concentrate on starting a new life with his pretty young girlfriend."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"But, Ma...."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

('Shushing' him, with her finger to his lips.)

"Shhhh...Sh-shhhhh...go, Lester, go. Go and find your girlfriend. From one victim to another, don't make the same mistakes that I have. Go and spend all of the time with her that you can, son. Make each and every moment that the two of you share together into a memory that you can look back on with a smile. Don't let all of your memories be sad ones...like mine are. (shooing him away.) Just go."
(She kisses her index finger, puts it to his lips, and turns him toward Area #2. With a slight push, she sends LES off. THE "BANDMASTER" play the 8 final bars of "I Love Him to Death" as 'M~T' goes to her seat at the DAIS, where she sits and pours herself a large glass of hard liquor. At the same time, LES precedes from Area #2 through CENTER STAGE to Area #6 into Area #9. He gives SAL MANELLA a non-committal wave as SAL exits the kitchen pushing REX's birthday cake on a rolling pastry cart. After passing SAL, LES enters the kitchen and pours the champagne for the end of Scene #9.)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________





         Scene #8:SAL MANELLA is pushing the pastry cart when he sees NOAH COUNT, for the first time, as NOAH crosses from Area #9 to Area #7. SAL leaves the cart in Area #9, and goes over to NOAH to find out why he's there.)

NOAH COUNT:

"Good evening, Sal."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Uhhh...Hi, Mr. Count. Umm...not to be rude, but, uhh...what are you doing here?"

NOAH COUNT:

"I'm just here to see to it that Mr. Dreamz has a...'memorable' birthday party."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Uh, Mr. Count...."

NOAH COUNT:

"Noah, Sal, Noah."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(Trying very hard to be 'diplomatic')

"Yeah, well, uh...NOAH...this is a supposed to be kind of a private party, and I didn't think that you even knew Mr. Dreamz; so I guess that I'm kinda still wondering exactly what it is that you're doing here."

NOAH COUNT:

"Sal, deep inside, do you consider yourself to be a man?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Noah, I'm 30 years old. If I'm not a 'man' by now, I don't think I ever will be!"

NOAH COUNT:

"I agree." (pausing a moment.) "...but do you mean to tell me that you don't remember when Mr. Dreamz invited me to this birthday party last week when he was at your mother's funeral?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Mr. Count...I mean Noah...Mr. Dreamz wasn't even at my mother's funeral."

NOAH COUNT:

"EXACTLY. Didn't you find that just a little bit unusual? Considering?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Look, Noah, I know that Mr. Dreamz usually goes to his employee's family's funerals, but you know as well as I do why he couldn't take the risk in MY case."

NOAH COUNT:

"Of COURSE I do. He couldn't take the risk of anybody figuring out that he was actually your FATHER...even though the odds were about a billion to one that anybody ever could. In spite of that 'billion to one' chance, I know how much his not being there really hurt you inside...and so do you, even if you don't want to admit it...even to yourself.

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Look, Noah...I didn't even know that Mr. Dreamz WAS my father until YOU told me that he was at the funeral...and all that did was make me even more upset when I was already trying to deal with the loss of my mother. Right now I'm just wondering if it's even possible for you to deliver any actual good news!"

NOAH COUNT:

"As far as Mr. DREAMZ is concerned, probably not. I only gave you half the story at your mother's funeral, because I knew you probably couldn't handle the rest."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"The REST? You mean there's MORE? Look, Count, I found out on the day that I was planting my mother and that my BOSS is actually my FATHER!! What more could there be that could possibly top THAT??

NOAH COUNT:

"I guess that 'more' is just a matter of perspective, Sal. Forget I mentioned it. I'm just gonna confront Mr. Dreamz tonight. I decided at your mother's funeral that something needs to be done about him...and that 'doing' is long overdue."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Mr. Count (pausing for a moment as NOAH rolls his eyes...) NOAH...Mr. Dreamz didn't even come to my mother' funeral. What good do you think it's going to do
to try to confront him now, at his own birthday party?"

NOAH COUNT:

(Almost 'pouncing' on him, verbally.)

"Dammit, Sal, when Rex Dreamz got your mother pregnant she was engaged to ME!" (NOAH angrily points to a woman's engagement ring on his pinkie. SAL simply stammers as NOAH goes on...) "That self-righteous, arrogant ass got her pregnant, and filled her head full of hollow, worthless, empty dreams while she was MY FIANCE!!! And THEN d'ya wanna know what happened?? DO you??" (SAL just continues to stammer.) "Your mother broke off our engagement!! My dear, sweet, wonderful, innocent Milly Tilly broke off her engagement with ME so that she could marry HIM...and of course, we all know how THAT turned out, since your father was already married to another girl who's head he'd filled with 'M~T' Dreams!!"

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Oh, Noah, I'm so-o-o-o-o sorry."

NOAH COUNT:

"Sal, I loved your mother more than I loved my own LIFE! She was pregnant with another man's baby...with YOU...and I begged her to marry me...I swore to her that I would raise you as if you were my own son...that I would love you as if you were my own flesh and blood; but she refused me. She refused me, and I've been alone ever since."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Like I said, Noah, I'm really sorry, but I don't think that there's anything you can really do about it; and he doesn't hurt anyone on purpose...it just kinda...happens."

NOAH COUNT:

"TELL me about it! Like the way he hurt your MOTHER. She just sat and hoped and prayed and waited. She waited for the day when that adulterous egomaniac would leave his wife AND his girlfriend to come be with her. She waited...and she
waited...until finally...she died ALONE; STILL waiting."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"I know that he hurt my mother, and he hurt you, but that doesn't mean...."

NOAH COUNT:

"Dammit, Sal!! It isn't just your mother and me that he hurt!! What about you? What about his wife and his other son? What about that nice girl who danced for us before? That pompous popinjay's embarrassed, humiliated, and degraded more people than Mohawk haircuts and polyester leisure suits combined!!"

"SAL" MANELLA:

"I never said that Mr. Dreamz was a particularly nice man, Noah. I know that he's
got a lousy family life...and as far as his affair with SHARON is concerned, she and I are friends, and I know that their affair isn't even her idea, but you can't put all of the blame on him. They all have a part in it, and...."

NOAH COUNT:

"Wa-a-ait a minute! You mean an AFFAIR affair? Like the kind of affair that isn't CATERED?? Are you telling me that he's actually forcing that girl to have SEX with him??? Against her will??? So THAT's what she was talking about!!

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Wow...I'm sorry, Noah, I just assumed from the way that you were talking that you knew about the affair...I mean, everybody else does, so I figured you did, too."

NOAH COUNT:

"What do you mean 'everybody else' knows about it? This is like 'common knowledge', or something? Like it's something that he's proud of?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Noah, you just don't understand the way things are around here...."

NOAH COUNT:

"No, I understand all too well the way that things are around here. It's you who
doesn't understand the way things are everywhere else. Before this evening is over, Rex Dreamz is going to pay dearly for what he's done to everybody. Because of him, too many people are feeling trapped and alone, and as God is my witness, Sal, as God is my witness, nobody else is going to die alone because of that man. Besides me, no one else dies alone.

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Ummm...what exactly are you planning to do about it, Noah?"

(THE "BANDMASTER" plays "An End to Dreamz", which they both sing.)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"An End to Dreamz"

Sung by Noah Count & Sal Manella

(Verse #One):

NOAH: "My life, it clearly seems, was nothing more than empty dreams...
          But I'd convinced myself my pain was just my own...
          My world was full of strife, and I was lonely all my life...
          But I've discovered now that I was not alone.
          The man who was to blame for all my pain has wounded others too...
          And now that I have found this out I know what I must do."

(Verse #Two):

SAL: "I'd thought that it was only me, but I was wrong it seems...
          For there were other lives destroyed by that man's schemes...
          So now I feel their pain, which just increases my distain...
          Caught in the undertow upon this sea of broken dreams.

(Verse #Three):

NOAH: "And now I feel such fury, and feel the ultimate despair...
          I have to be his judge and jury now for I must end this nightmare."
          SAL: "The time has surely come to end this pain for ev'ryone..."
          NOAH: "And I'm the chosen one to do this task it seems..."
SAL: "Whe're it may be wrong or right, this suf'rings going to end tonight..."
          BOTH: "It's fin'ly time to wake up and to bring an end to Dreamz."

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Look, Noah...don't do anything stupid...trying to hurt Mr. Dreamz would be like tryin' to hurt the President of the United States...it just can't be done..."

(Suddenly, SAL sees SHARON in Area #9 touching the birthday cake that he left on dessert cart near BUFFET TABLE #1 at the scene opening. He panics and looks at her as he distractedly says...) "U-u-u-uh, ssssorry, Noah, no more time to talk about this right now...I'll catch up with you later...."

(SAL nervously rushes toward Area #9 to keep SHARON from touching the cake.)

NOAH COUNT:

(Taking the wooden chest out of his pocket as SAL leaves, NOAH talks to himself.)

"Not a problem, Sal...not a problem at all... ...just leave e-e-e-ev'rything up to US." (NOAH pets and 'talks' to the chest in his hands.) "Yes-s-s-s, Mr. Dreamz...before this evening is over...(pausing)...before this evening is over you're going to pay ver-r-r-ry dearly, indeed... ...for everything that you've done... ...won't he, my pet?"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________



         Scene #9: (SHARON is standing at the dessert cart in Area #9, adjusting the sugar flower that's in the center of REX's birthday cake. SAL frantically rushes up to her and smacks her hand away to stop her from touching the flower.)

"SAL" MANELLA:

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!!!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(pulling back her hand in surprise and rubbing it...)

"OWWW! I'm SOR-ry!"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(calmer, he pauses for a moment, takes a breath and tries to apologize.)

"No, I'm sorry, Sharon. I'm shouldn't have hit you like that...I guess I just kind of over-reacted. It's just that I worked really hard on that cake, and I saw you touching it, and...well...like I said, I'm sorry.

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Very slightly defensively, shaking out her hand and rubbing it with the other.)

"It's okay, Sal, it's okay. All I was doing was straightening out the flower."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(feeling guilty and a little nervous)

"I know, Sharon. Like I said, I just over-reacted a little. It's just that I made the cake especially for Mr. Dreamz's birthday, and it's a special occasion, and...you
know how he has to approve all of my cooking before it even gets served, and...well...I guess maybe I was just being too sensitive about it."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Forget about it, Sal...I know how Mr. Dreamz can be. I just happened to notice
that the flower in the middle was a little bit crooked, so I was just fixing it...(with a chuckle as she goes on.) ...not that it's gonna stay in the middle all that long!"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(Chuckling with SHARON.)

"Don't I know it! Everybody knows that the flower on the top of any cake that Mr.
Dreamz even gets close to has a shorter life expectancy than the prize boar does on the day of the big pig roast! Heck! He gulps 'em down faster than an 'alky' throws back half-price drinks at happy hour! That's why I made sure that I made this flower a very special one, just for him."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"That was very thoughtful of you, Sal."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"I know. I've put a great deal of thought into preparing for this evening."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"By the way, one of the other guests just told me that your mother passed away last week...I'm sorry, Sal. If I had known, I would've gone to the funeral."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Thanks, anyway, Sharon. The only person here who really knew about her passing was Mr. Dreamz. I guess I was just trying not to burden people with my problems."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"BURDEN, MY AUNT FANNY! That's what friends are for, Sal! ANYBODY can say they're your friend during the good times. A REAL friend stands by you during the bad times...and the sad times, too!

"SAL" MANELLA:

"I guess I didn't think of it that way at the time. I'm very sorry, Sharon. The next time that one of my parents dies, I promise that not only will you be one of the very first to know about it, but I also give you my personal guarantee that you'll definitely be among those invited to view the body. Have we got a deal?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(with a slight smile...)

"Yes, we do. By the way, that reminds me...(changing mental gears.)...I'm almost surprised at all the extra care and attention that you put into getting all of this birthday stuff all perfect for Mr. Dreamz, considering how just blew you off by not going to your mother's funeral. If it was me, I'd be real upset."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(With slight annoyance...and a little abruptly.)

"There isn't anything to be gained be holding a grudge, Sharon. I'm just trying to show a little pride in my work. I just want to make sure that this birthday is very, very memorable...and after Mr. Dreamz gulps down this flower, I guarantee that he'll remember it for the rest of his life. (mostly to himself, but loud enough to be heard) My 'Daddy Dearest' deserves nothing less.

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Well, I can't account for the taste...but it sure looks beautiful...

...wait a minute...did you just say 'Daddy Dearest'?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(wholly fixated on the cake and not really paying all that much attention to her)

"Thanks, Sharon... ...I'll just make sure that the flower is ni-i-i-ice and straight...so you won't have to worry about it, anymore. Just go and wash your
hands and don't even think about touching Mr. Dreamz's birthday cake again."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Wait a minute, Sal...why did you just call Mr. Dreamz 'Daddy Dearest'?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(still 'talking to the cake', like he hasn't even really been listening)

"I never said that, Sharon... ...you musta be hearing things... ...now go wash your hands immediately, and promise me that you won't even think about touching this cake again."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(slightly upset and concerned)

"Sal! You just called Mr. Dreamz 'Daddy Dearest'! What's going on?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(still ignoring her while he fixates on the cake and continues to adjust the flower....)

"I just said 'Mr. Dreamz's birthday cake', Sharon. You obviously weren't paying attention... ...You've re-e-e-eally gotta pay ve-e-e-ery close attention to details if you wanna get something done right...."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"SAL! You just said 'My 'Daddy Dearest'

deserves nothing less.' WHAT is going on?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(he shakes his head to clear it and talks as if he's coming in out of a fog.)

"Wow...I can't believe I actually called him that...talk about your 'work-

related stress'! It looks like at least one of us is gonna need some

time off after this li'l birthday shin-dig's a done deal, huh?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Sal...this doesn't sound like 'work-related stress' to me at all. You're a Master Chef, Sal, so putting a flower in the right place on top of a birthday cake isn't exactly an exercise in 'quantum mechanics' to you. You're obviously going through a lot right now, and you need to talk about it...just let me help you, Sal...is that too much to ask? (she takes his hands in her own and looks in his eyes.) Just talk to me, Sal...we're supposed to be like family...let me be here for you."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(looking at their hands)

"Family...ha. I should be so lucky...."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(looking in his eyes)

"Sal... (she shakes his hands, and he looks into hers) ...talk to me, Sal."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Sharon, I called Mr. Dreamz 'Daddy Dearest' because I found

out at my mother's funeral that he actually is my dear 'daddy'."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(shocked)

"Excuse me??"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(drops her hands and turns away...with a bitter and sarcastic tone.)

"Yeah. Rex Dreamz...my beloved boss...the guy who cares so much about everyone who works for him...the guy who goes to all of his employees weddings...and goes to funerals for people in all of their families... (pausing) ...but I can certainly understand why he didn't go to my mother's funeral when he found out that she died. After all, he probably just figured that he'd already 'paid his respects' 30 years ago when knocked her up in the first place, huh? 'Dear ol' Dad' that he is..."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(putting her hand on his shoulder, she turns him around and takes his hand again)

"Sal...I know that this might not really help that much to hear, but... ...maybe Mr.

Dreamz didn't go because he didn't wanna hurt you worse than you already were. Maybe your mother didn't want you to know that he was your father...and he was trying to respect that...

"SAL" MANELLA:

"SHARON...have you ever seen Mr. Dreamz respecting anybody? Ever?" I think that it's a LOT more likely that he didn't wanna have to leave half of everything he owns to me when he dies, insteada leaving it all to his OTHER son...my 'brother', Les! I guess that THAT hadn't occurred to you yet, had it?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(sighs)

"No, I guess not."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Yeah, I didn't think so."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Well, it's not like there's anything that you can do about it...it is what it is."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"No, Sharon...it'll be what it'll be."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(a little bit nervously)

"Ummm...what are you talking about, Sal?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

"What am I talking about? I'll tell you what I'm talking about...everybody

knows that dear ol' dad is an allergic to artificial sweeteners, right?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Well, everybody in the family does, sure...."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Ha... 'family'!" (pausing momentarily) "and everybody

knows that he likes to smoke good cigars, don't they?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Well, yeah...that everybody knows, for sure...."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"So-o-o-o-o-o...let's say that the flower on top of that cake was like pure aspartame...like absolutely oozing with it...like so full of it that even you'd get nauseous from how sweet it tastes and spit it out...."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(seeing where this is leading...)

"Oka-a-a-a-a-ay...."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"...and let's say that somebody just happened to give him a cigar that just
happened to be soaked in peanut oil and he just happened to smoke it...how d'ya think that that particular combination might work out for him?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(smiling and nodding slightly and slowly...)

"Hmmmmm...seeing as how he's very allergic to that, too,

I think that that would be something of a disappointing li'l smoke."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(laughing with SHARON)

"...well...disappointing for him, anyways...,"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(laughing right along with him...)

"yeah...I don't think that anybody else is gonna be crying any tears over it."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(laughing with SHARON)

"...and this isn't just about revenge, Sharon...It goes deeper than that...."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(laughing right along with him...)

"What d'ya mean, Sal?"

SAL" MANELLA:

(laughing with SHARON)

"...well...lemme put it this way..."

(THE "BANDMASTER" plays "The Dad I Never Wanted", which they both sing.)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"The Dad I Never Wanted Anyway"

Sung by SAL MANELLA & SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE

(Verse #One ~ Sung by SAL MANELLA):

          "Ya-know-that when I was a young man, so ma-ny years a-go,
          Ya-know-I thought that I knew ev'rything, but what did I know?
          For at my mother's fu-neral, though I was not a-ware...
          They-told-me Rex Dreamz is my fa-ther; al-though-he ne-ver seemed to care...

          (SAL): "For Mis-ter Re-e-e-e-ex Dreamz...had FOOL-ed my love-ly MUH-ther..."
          (SHARON): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-eamz...."
          (SAL): "To-o-o-o-old her he-loved-her more than a-ny UH-ther..."
          (SHARON): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-e-eamz....
(SAL): Then once he had had his fun...he zip-ped his fly and off he run...yes,
          (SAL): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dreamz...be-came-the DAD I never WAN-ted a-ny-wa-a-ay."
(SHARON): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-e-e-e-eamz...."

(Verse #Two ~ Sung by SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE)

         "Ya-know-that when I was a young girl, out liv-in' on the street,
          Oh-well-I thought that I knew ev'rything, then who did I meet?
There-was-a well-dressed man who talked about the-fact-that my life was un-fair...
and-then-he fill-ed my head with pro-mises of all the things he said he'd share...

          (SHARON): "Yes-Mis-ter Re-e-e-ex Dreamz...had fill-ed my head with sto-ries...
          (SAL): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-eamz...."

          (SHARON): "No-o-o-on-sense uh-bout-a life of joys and glo-ries...
          (SAL): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-eamz...."

(SHARON): "I bought into his nurs'ry rhymes...Though he was lying all the time...yes"
         (SHARON): "Re-e-ex Dreamz...ya-know-the dad you never wan-ted a-ny-wa-ay..."
         (SAL): "Re-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-e-e-e-eamz...."

(Chorus):

          (SAL): "...and we all know his birth-day wish-es...al-ways are the same...
          (SHARON): "To-ru-in ev'rybody's life just-like-we're pieces in his game...
          (SAL): "...but he will soon find out that he-is-not the mas-ter of our strife...
          (SHARON): "...and-all-he'll get this year will be the ending of his evil life..."

          (SAL): "...then Mis-ter Re-e-e-e-ex Dreamz......will end his reign of sorrow...."
          (SHARON): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-eamz...."

          (SAL): "...and Re-e-e-e-ex Dreamz....will-ne-ver live to see to-mor-row...."
          (SHARON): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-e-e-e-eamz...."

(SAL:) "...just one flow-er and cigar...."

(SHARON:) "...and down his soul will tra-vel far...."

         (SAL): "Yes, Re-e-ex Dreamz...will-pay-the final price tonight on his birth-day."
         (SHARON): "Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-e-eamz...."

(Verse #Three ~ Sung in Duet)

(SHARON): "And-now-the old fool's birthday wishes, well, ya-know-they ne-ver
          will come true..."
          (SAL): "...Ex-cept-the birth-day wishes that are shared by me, my dear, and you"
          (SHARON:) "...and-ev'ry bo-dy else he's e-ver hurt will sure-ly all re-joice..."
          (SAL): "...as-all-the poi-sons fill him up, my friend, and-work-to si-lence that
          man's voice...and Mis-ter...."

          (SAL): "...Re-e-e-e-ex Dreamz...will-rue-the day he met my mother...
          (SHARON): Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-e-e-eamz...."
          (SAL): "...and Re-e-e-e-ex Dreamz.....will-die-in pain that's like no UH-ther...
          (SHARON): "...Re-e-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-e-e-eamz...."

(SAL:) "...pea-nut oil and as-par-tame..."
(SHARON:) "...will end his life in sear-ing pain..."

         (SAL): "...and Re-e-ex Dreamz...will-die-the DAD I never WAN-ted a-ny-wa-ay...."
         (SHARON): "...Re-e-e-e-ex Dre-e-e-e-e-eamz...." "Re-e-ex...."

         (SAL): "...and-all-our problems will be solved right here, to-da-a-a-a-ay..."
         (SHARON): "...Dre-e-eamz...." "Re-e-e-e-ex..."

         (SAL): "...as-we-all cel-ebrate that mon-ster's last birth-da-a-a-a-ay...."
         (SHARON): ".....Dre-e-eamz...." "Re-e-e-e-ex..."

          (SAL): ...good-bye-the DAD I never WAN-ted a-ny-wa-a-a-a-ay!"
         (SHARON:) "Dre-e-e-e-eamz...DAD you never WAN-ted a-ny-wa-a-a-a-ay!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Okay, Sal...the last thing that I'm gonna even try to do is get you to change your mind...I can guarantee you that a world without Mr. Dreamz would be like a little slice of Heaven...for all of us. I just hope that he decides to light that cigar tonight."

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Don't worry about that, Sharon...I plan on lighting that cigar for him, myself."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"You've thought about just about everything, haven't you?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(with a wink and a sly smile)

"Well, that's pretty much the only thing that 'Daddy Dearest' taught me."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(in a very reassuring tone)

"No worries, Sal...I absolutely promise you that I definitely won't be touching that
special little flower of yours again." (she smiles and winks at him broadly. Rubbing her hands together and still smiling) "I think that I'll just go wash my hands, now."
(SHARON walks through Area #9, enters the KITCHEN, and turns on the water at the sink so that it's loud enough to be heard by at least some of the members of our audience. The sound of the sink is the cue for LES to address them, thus beginning Scene #10. If no sink is available for this part of the scene, a recording can be used. As she does this, SAL takes rubber gloves out of his pocket, puts them on, adjusts the flower on top of the cake, removes the gloves, and puts them back into his pocket.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________



         Scene #10: ( LES is at the front of the room, talking with JOE DREAMZ and KAREN COMFORT. When he hears the water start he checks his watch and stands.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Ladies and Gentlemen...our staff is passing out glasses of 'Non-Perignon', one of the finest champagnes available!" (as he says this SHARON walks out of the kitchen followed by two of the EXTRAS who served the dinner. As he continues, SHARON, SAL, and the two EXTRAS go to the rolling champagne carts, each of which contains four (4) bottles of "Non-Perignon" champagne, which are actually filled with ginger ale, and 25 empty champagne glasses. The four of them begin to circulate throughout the room pouring the champagne and distributing the glasses to our "party guests" at their individual tables.) "...As soon as everybody has one, we'll be raising our glasses and toasting my father's birthday!"
(when he finishes and THE "BANDMASTER" sees the Staff start to distribute the champagne he plays the song "A Love Worth Dying For", which is sung by the various members of the cast.
.

"A Love Worth Dying For"

Sung by the Ensemble Cast

("LITTLE LES" & SHARON): "For years he's loved to hurt us and we've
         suffered through pains by the score. It's time he sees this has become
          a love that is worth dying for."

("M-T" DREAMZ): "Perhaps I've also cheated, but not for all our friends to
          see. If a reputation is worth dying for, then I say so mote it be!

(NOAH COUNT): "He has hurt people, and he has shown he does not care
         in any way...
          He has proven his thoughts center just on himself, and he's capable
          of nothing more...
          If this truly is all that he wants, then it's a love worth dying for."
          (JUSTIN CASE): "We always served him, and we never questioned him or
          asked for more...
          Now we see we have loves of our own we know are worth dying for."

("LITTLE LES" & "M-T" DREAMZ): "Maybe we've never thought of how
         he treats us as son and as wife...
         It took us until now to discover a real man knows they are his life."

(NOAH COUNT & SAL): "Now we know that enough is enough, and now it
         Is time that we settle the score...
          He will learn that people he's hurt are all entitled to much more!"

("LITTLE LES" & SHARON): "He'll at last see that he was the one who was
         wrong, and in fact was rotten to the core...
         And will find his love of hurting others is a love worth dying for..."

("LITTLE LES", SHARON, "M-T" & JUSTIN): "...a love worth dying for..."
(Ensemble Cast): "...a love...worth...dy-...ing...for."
.


While this is happening, NOAH works his way along the wall around the outer RIGHT side of the room. As he rounds the far side of the DR Table and passes in front of THE "BANDMASTER" he approaches the DAIS holding his small wooden chest. Once the drinks have been passed out to the various members of our audience, SAL goes up to the DAIS and presents REX with an expensive cigar.)

"SAL" MANELLA:

(nervously expectant)

"Mr. Dreamz, I know that you like to smoke good cigars, so I got you

a hand-rolled Cuban as a sort of a 'party-favor'. I hope you enjoy it."

REX DREAMZ:

(Very drunkenly, and slurring his words as he speaks.)

"What are you kidding me? You're offering me a freakin' cigar? NOW??"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(Nervous and very surprised that his offer is being refused.)

"Mr. Dreamz, I got this for you as a gift! I just thought that it was something that you'd want. We both know how much you like good cigars...C'mon, just have a puff! Let's spark this baby up, Mr. Dreamz! I promise you...I'm absolutely positive that after you taste THIS cigar, you'll never want to try another!"

REX DREAMZ:

(Trying to laugh the idea off.)

"What are you trying to do, Sally...KILL ME!!! (chuckling to himself....) Sal,

if I took even one drag offa that thing, I would puke my GUTS up!! Do

you have any idea how much I've been DRINKING tonight! HOLY COW! If

I even tried to light that thing, you'd see a 'technicolor yawn' worthy of

a Cecil B. DeMille movie!!" (laughing way too hard at his own joke, he pats

his stomach, leans back his head & belches loudly.)

"SAL" MANELLA:

(Still trying to convince him...a little bit too forcefully.)

"O-o-oh, c'mon, Mr. Dreamz...these babies won't make you sick! Hell, it's a Cohiba Lancero! (pulling it out of the wrapper) The same kind that CASTRO smokes! (using a cigar cutter on it as he speaks) I promise you, this'll be one cigar that you'll remember for the rest of your life! One puff and you'll see I was right!" (he tries to put the cigar in REX mouth....)

REX DREAMZ:

(knocking his hands out of the way....)

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE BLESSED ARCH~ANGEL MICHAEL DOES IT TAKE TO
GET THROUGH THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS!!! ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHIN'??
I DON'T WANT THE DAMN THING!!! I DON'T CARE IF GOD HIMSELF SMOKES THEM, YOU EMPTY-HEADED STOVE JOCKEY!!! I...DON'T...WANT...IT!!!!

"SAL" MANELLA:

(Scared, and desperate.)

"O-o-o-ok, Sir, why don't you just keep it, then, and save it for later?"

REX DREAMZ:

(Grabbing the cigar, breaking it in half, and throwing it over his shoulder.)

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, KITCHEN BOY!!!"

(SAL backs away in disappointment and returns to his place in Area #9 next to the pastry cart. SHARON goes to stand in Area #2 with a champagne bottle in hand. REX is seated at the center of the DAIS. 'M~T' is sitting on REX's right, and JUSTIN is standing behind the two of them. LES begins his prepared speech....)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Tapping on the side of his champagne glass with a spoon, in Area #3.)

"Ladies and Gentlemen...Ladies and Gentlemen, can I have your attention, please."

(LES waits a moment to be sure that he has everyone's attention, then continues. As he does, SHARON still standing in Area #2, takes REX's glass, turns to face the audience, and pours a glass of champagne for REX. She puts the bottle back on the DAIS, takes a bottle of pills out of her glove, (which is actually contains a small amount of Brioschi antacid to supply the "fizzzz" effect when she pours it into the glass) and makes it very clear to the audience that she's dosing his champagne with a "full bottle of his heart medication pills". She swishes the glass around to dissolve the meds, and puts it back in front of REX; being very sure to finish doing this before LES gets to the line below where he invites the audience to rise to drink the toast.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"I hope that you've all been having a wonderful time at our happy little gathering tonight. I know that my family and I, and especially my FATHER, are very glad that you were able to share this special evening with us! At this time, it is my great pleasure to invite all of you to join us in drinking a toast in honor of my father, after which we will be serving the birthday cake...so if you will all please rise and raise your glasses..."

(He waits for the members of the audience to all rise. At this point, SHARON,

finished with her task, goes to wait in Area #1. Once the audience is all

standing, LES raises his own glass, and continues with the toast...)

"Ladies and Gentlemen...a toast...to Mr. Rex Dreamz...Father...Husband...Friend... Businessman...and a pillar of the community; on the occasion of his 60th Birthday. He is truly a person who has affected the lives of many, many people; and he's a man who I am truly proud and honored to call, not only my FATHER, but also my FRIEND. A toast, Ladies and Gentlemen, to Mr. Rex Dreamz!"

(He and the rest of the cast, except for REX, drink;

as, hopefully, the members of our audience also do.)

REX DREAMZ:

(Standing very drunkenly, and slurring his words a little as he speaks.)

"Thank you!" (pausing a moment and putting his hands on the table to support himself)
"Thank you, one and all! I'm feeling so-o-o-o-o deeply honored right now! You've truly made this birthday one that I'll remember for the rest of my life!!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Indicating the back of the room with a sweep of his hand.)

"And it's not over YET!! Your birthday cake, Sir!!"

(As LES says this, SAL makes his way to the front of the room with the cake, and shows it to REX, for his approval. REX immediately takes the flower from the center of the cake to pop it into his mouth. When he does, it falls on the floor, shatters and REX shrugs it off. SAL just looks exasperated and starts lighting the candles on the cake.)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________



         SCENE #11: (LES begins to help SAL light the candles on the cake, and 'M~T' comes around to help them. As LES lights the candles, he looks left, then right, then VERY obviously slips the knife meant for cutting the cake up his sleeve; so some audience members can see him do this. Once the candles are lit, all of the lights in the hall are turned off, so the light of the candles is the only light in the room. THE "BANDMASTER" plays the song: "Turning Sixty Can Be Murder", which segues into "Happy Birthday to You", during which LES invites everyone at the party to sing along, as is indicated in the sheet music. REX blows out the candles a moment before it segues into the "Funeral March", as is also indicated in the accompanying sheet music.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Turning 60 Can Be Murder!"

Sung by the Ensemble Cast

(Verse #One):

"Happy Birthday...Happy Birthday, dear Rex to you...
Though you're older, still you're bolder...We're all so proud of you!
Turning sixty can be murder...we know it's true.
So we sing out all our finest wishes to you!"

(Verse #Two):

"Rex you're sixty now and...we think that it's so grand!
We are all so proud of you! So we gather now to have this party for you...
To pay our respects to you...Happy 60th birthday wishes we sing to you...
So we sing out all our...warmest heart-felt, deepest birthday wishes now
to you!"

(Verse #Three):

"Happy Birthday...Happy Birthday, dear Rex to you...
Though you're older, still you're bolder...We're all so proud of you!
Turning sixty can be murder...we know it's true.
So we sing out all our finest wishes to you!"

LES: "Will everybody sing along with us, please!"

(The traditional birthday song "Happy Birthday to You" begins to play...)

          "Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!
          Happy Birthday dear Rex! Happy Birthday to you!"
.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Once the room is in total darkness, JUSTIN takes his gun and fires two (2)

"gunshots", on the beat, followed by the sound of REX gasping for air.)

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(A few seconds after the shots are heard...and LOUDLY.)

"WAIT A MINUTE!! OH MY GOD!! DID YOU HEAR THAT??? STOP THE MUSIC AND TURN ON THE LIGHTS!!! I THINK SOMEONE'S BEEN SHOT!!!!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________



         Scene #12: (The lights come back on, and everyone can see that REX has been killed. For about ten seconds, there're a few "Oh My God!"s, etc, from the cast members and shills as they react to this, when suddenly the Main Entrance doors burst open and LT. SEYMOUR DURT enters the room, stopping in Area #8. AS the doors burst open, the first two bars of the theme song from the classic TV show 'DRAGNET' are played.)

LT. DURT:

(Proudly, almost arrogantly displaying his badge.)

"Durt...SEYMOUR Durt...Detective Lieutenant...NYPD. Nobody move!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"DAMMIT, LIEUTENANT, MY FATHER'S JUST BEEN SHOT!!!"

LT. DURT:

(Patronizing and arrogant, with a general attitude of irritation and boredom.)

"REALLY? Thank you for pointing that out! I never would have guessed! Oh...
wait a minute...that must've been why I heard those GUNSHOTS!!" (rolling his eyes in irritation) ...and that must've been why I said 'nobody move'...so nobody would disturb the crime scene. (He pushes his fedora further back on his head slightly, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips, like he's got a headache.) Alright, people, just keep out of my way, and let me look things over, Okay...."

(as LT. DURT opens his trench-coat and walks towards REX's body, THE "BANDMASTER" plays some of the 'DRAGNET' "investigation background music", until LT. DURT glares at him and he immediately looks nervous and stops it. LT. DURT looks at it REX's body closely, then at the DAIS, and then back at REX's body. He takes a walkie-talkie out from under his trench-coat, pushes a button on it, and speaks into it.)

LT. DURT:

"Home Plate, this is Durt. We've got ourselves a 10-35 for the 'Major Crimes Unit'...I've just discovered a homicide at the 'Dream Room' Night Club up on Times Square. I'm gonna need two squad cars and a forensics team at my current 20 A.S.A.P...over."

(response: "(static) uh...10-4...roger that, Lt...(static) that's a big

10-76...requested personnel are dispatched and en route...over."(static)

"Roger that, Home Plate...Seymour Durt, over and out." (He puts the walkie-talkie back on his belt under his trench-coat. "Okay, people...here's what happened..." THE "BANDMASTER" plays the song "A 'Body' of Evidence", which LT. DURT sings.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

          "A 'Body' of Evidence"
          Sung by Lt. Seymour Durt

(Verse #One):

"There's been a murder...the body lies right here...
You heard the gunshots...but people have no fear...
For Seymour Durt is on the case, and I will make it make sense...
I'll be examining the victim there, 'cuz it's a 'body' of evidence."

(Verse #Two):

"You all are suspects...that means nobody leaves...
There's just one killer...the one who falsely grieves...
But Seymour Durt is here to tell you I'll clear up the suspense...
For all that I will really need to do is check this 'body' of evidence..."

(Transition):

"He lies right there...but you're not aware...
what you can't see...means a whole lot-more-to me."

(Verse #Three):

"You'll soon discover, much to your own surprise,
That every murder is more than meets the eyes...
But all I'll really need to do to solve this awful offense...
Is start examining old Rex's corpse to learn from his 'body' of evidence...
Let's simply look at all the evidence...we've got a body of evidence...
And now it's time to check the evidence!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After he finishes the song, LT. DURT continues to examine the crime scene. Naturally, throughout the questioning process, the cast won't be giving LT. DURT any useful information. As such, LT. DURT will begin to question audience members, who'll hopefully give him the answers he needs. As indicated, there are "SHILLS" located in designated places throughout the room to supply the answers as they're needed, prior to the members of the actual audience being "inspired" to provide any answers or volunteer any information, themselves. As soon as he approaches the DAIS, the first thing he sees is JUSTIN CASE's gun sitting on it. Pointing at it, he addresses the cast and audience in general...)

"Okay, FIRST of all, whose gun is this? (there is a long pause, during which nobody answers him, and he becomes annoyed.) Oh, for cryin' out loud! Whose gun is it??"

KAREN COMFORT:

(Located in seat #3 of DLC Table #1...pointing at JUSTIN CASE)

"It's his...it belongs to that bodyguard guy, Case!"

SHILL #2:

(Located in seat #4 of ULC Table #7...he stands, also pointing at JUSTIN CASE)

"Yeah...check his holster! It's gotta be his!"

LT. DURT:

"Okay, Case, (crossing to JUSTIN.) can I see your hands, please?" (JUSTIN doesn't comply, so LT. DURT raises his voice...) "CASE! SHOW ME YOUR HANDS!!" (JUSTIN is basically 'startled' into complying. LT. DURT examines his hands very closely...looks under his jacket at his empty holster...and examines his hands again) "Well, this is very interesting... ...OK, Case, you've got a very clear and obvious set of fresh powder burns on your hands...and your holster is empty...so now I have absolutely no doubt at all that it was YOU who fired the gun...so you're free to go... ...for now."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"WAIT a minute! You KNOW that he shot the gun, so you're letting him GO?!"

LT. DURT:

"Well, NATURALLY I'm letting him go! Ya'see...I'm trying to find the person who killed Mr. Dreamz... (after a dramatic pause) ...and Mr. Dreamz wasn't SHOT."

EVERYONE, including the SHILLS:

"WHAT?!?!?!?!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Okay, Durt...you say he wasn't shot... ...he wasn't shot...but you've got a smoking gun right there on the table... (looking flustered and exasperated) ...how can you even try to expect this to make any kind of sense, when we ALL heard the shots?

LT. DURT:

"Of course we all heard the shots, Dreamz. In fact, we all heard exactly four gunshots, and there are exactly FOUR bullet holes in the table, over a foot from body. This really only leaves us with two possibilities...either the person trying to kill your father was a really lousy shot...or your father was never actually intended to be shot in the first place. Ya'see, There are no bullet wounds on the body. None at all...either entry or exit. In my opinion, those gunshots were only incidental to the killing."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Durt, what the Sam Hill are you TALKING about?! How could he be shot at... missed by over a foot...not have a single bullet wound on his body...but still be
killed? How could he possibly be shot at, NOT shot, but still BE shot?!?!"

LT. DURT:

"Look, I'm really trying to be patient with you, boy...but you're really starting to get on my nerves... ...it wouldn't have mattered if the bullets ended up half a mile from here...I already said that the gunshots had nothing to DO with his murder!!

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Okay, Detective, I'm just a stupid 'dancing girl'...so just try to indulge me, OK? And please forgive me if I happen to 'get on your nerves', but...if it doesn't matter where the bullets ended up...how could they have killed him? I mean, maybe I'm just an idiot, or something, but isn't that how bullets kill people?"

LT. DURT:

"That's exactly how bullets kill people, honey...and these bullets were nowhere near him. Justin Case certainly fired the GUN...I have no doubt of THAT; but, in this particular case, that's the extent of his involvement. It's as if he just happened to fire the gun the same time that the murder took place."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Then the shooting has nothing to do with my Rex being dead?"

LT. DURT:

"That's what I've been trying to tell you people!"

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Then if the shooting had nothing to do with it, how did he die?"

LT. DURT:

"That's a very good question, Mrs. Dreamz...we'll all be finding THAT out together."

(LT. DURT goes back to the body, and examines it again; this time paying closer attention to REX's face. After his examination, he addresses everyone as a group.)

LT. DURT:

"All right, everyone...here's what happened...it would seem that

Mr. Dreamz died of 'natural causes'...in a VERY unnatural way."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Rolling his eyes in exasperation.)

"O-oh, for the love of...Durt, are you even capable of just saying what you mean?"

LT. DURT:

"I'm sorry, Dreamz...I'll try to 'dumb it down' for you...he was poisoned...by an expert. Was that easy enough for you to follow, or should I use smaller words?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"POISONED? That's impossible! Are you trying to tell us that...somehow...just by looking at him, you can not only tell that he was poisoned, but that he was poisoned by someone who was able to arrange for him to die at the exact moment that he blew out the candles on his cake? How can you even suggest that?"

LT. DURT:

(Condescendingly)

"I'm sorry, Dreamz, but with all due respect to your obviously outstanding skill and experience in the field of toxicology, I can suggest it because it happens to be exactly what happened. I didn't just say that he was poisoned...I said that he was poisoned by an expert. Whoever did this was certainly no amateur, THAT's for sure."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

(Genuinely shocked, even though she'd made plans to kill REX, herself.)

"OH MY GOD!! Who would DO such a thing??"

LT. DURT:

"You're just full of helpful questions, tonight, Mrs. Dreamz! Have you ever given
any serious thought to becoming a detective? (rolling his eyes) and as I said earlier, I'm not sure who'd do such a thing, at least not yet...but I promise you...before this evening is over, I will be. The only question is...how did he get the poison in his system in the first place?"

SHILL #2:

(Standing again, he points at JUSTIN CASE and 'M~T' DREAMZ)

"I'm telling you...that Case guy and Rex's wife were talking about poisoning him!"

KAREN COMFORT:

"no...wait a second...they weren't talking about poisoning him...they were talking about NOT giving him his hawt medicine and SCARING him to death by firing the gun next to him...onna-counta he's so scared of guns that he'd have a hawt attack!"

LT. DURT:

"Hmmm...certainly sounds like a clever enough plan to me...but I know what a heart attack victim looks like...and Mr. Dreamz was definitely doesn't fit the bill... he was definitely poisoned...of that I have no doubt."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"It also happens to be impossible; Detective...because I couldn't go through with it...I never prevented him from taking his heart medicine...I just couldn't do it."

LT. DURT:

"Then I guess he's just the luckiest man alive, isn't he...oh...that's right...he isn't alive, is he? You lucked out and somebody else did your dirty work for you!"

SHILL #4:

(Located in seat #6 of UC Table #11)

"Hey...that cook was talking to that dancing girl about poisoning him, too!"

SHILL #3:

(Located in seat #3 of ULC Table #7)

"ya'know...you're right! He said he was gonna mix two different things together and the two of them together would poison him! Something about the flower on the cake and the fancy cigar that he gave to Rex... (turning to the audience member

who's seated in seat #7 of the C Table #8) "You heard 'em, didn't you?"

(the audience member in seat #7 or someone else at their table is likely to respond in

the affirmative. When they do, LT. DURT addresses someone else at the C table....)

LT. DURT:

"He did? What about you...did you hear him say something about that, too?"

(once addressed, the other audience member is likely to respond in the affirmative.)

"Okay, Manella...Shar-a-like...what've you two got to say for yourselves?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(protesting his innocence.)

"Oh, Judas Priest, Lt! Rex Dreamz was my father, for criminy

sakes! Why in the world would I want to kill my own father?

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(jumping to SAL's defense.)

"Exactly! If anything, Sal would wanna protect his father...not kill him!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(impatiently, frustrated, and bordering on angry.)

"Father my ass! I think I that I woulda known if I had a brother for God's sake!"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(putting her hand on his shoulder in a compassionate way.)

"I'm sorry, Les...but it's true... ...I mean... ...even Sal didn't know that Mr.

Dreamz was his father until he found out at his mother's funeral last week."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(A little frustrated & awestruck, but completely accepting it because SHARON told him.)

"Damn, Sharon...if anybody else woulda told me that, I'da sworn that it was a lie."

KAREN COMFORT:

"...but Sal still gave him that poisoned flower! I saw it with my own eyes!"

(turning to the audience member seated next to him in seat #4 of the DLC Table)

You saw it, too...didn't you?

(once addressed, the other audience member is likely to respond in the affirmative.)

SHILL #2:

"yeah...but Mr. Dreamz dropped the flower on the floor and it broke into a zillion pieces...and he never smoked the cigar, remember? He broke it in half and threw it away...so he couldn'ta been poisoned by HIM (to SHILL 3) am I right?"

SHILL #3:

"yeah...that's right! He threw it over his shoulder...right? (addressing the

audience member seated in Seat #2, who's likely to respond in the affirmative.)

LT. DURT:

(frustrated but a tiny bit confused)

"This is damn peculiar...Dreamz was definitely poisoned...

and my four main suspects had nothing to do with it...."

SHILL #5:

(Located in seat #6 of URC Table #9)

"wait a second...that dancing girl Sharon was talking to LES about

poisoning him too! It was right over there! (pointing into Area #4)

KAREN COMFORT:

"Yeah...I hoid dat too! You hoid him, didn't you?" (asking the audience member in Seat #7 of DRC Table #2, who's likely to respond in the affirmative.) "...and she put a whole bottle of some kinda hawt medicine in his champagne glass! Am I right?"

SHILL #3:

"Yeah!"

KAREN COMFORT:

"Ya'see, Detective? (smacking gum and quickly pointing back and forth between Les and Sharon. She pauses, raising her hand to God and adds) "If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'!"

LT. DURT:

(sighing but no longer even surprised anymore, looks at SHARON)

"O-o-o-okay, Little lady...it looks like you wanted him

dead no matter who did it, huh? So what's your story?

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(frustrated and annoyed.)

"Damn right I wanted him dead! He was an egotistical,

abusive monster...but I sure as Hell didn't do it!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(jumping to SHARON's defense)

"Damn right she didn't! She might've wanted to...it looks like everybody

wanted to...but Sharon didn't poison him! She may've tried to poison his

champagne, like that guy said, but he knocked over the glass before he

even took a sip from it...(addressing the audience member in Seat #5, of the

DRC Table, who's likely to respond in the affirmative.) ...he did, didn't he?"

LT. DURT:

(sighing and rolling his eyes)

"O-o-o-okay, so how were you going to poison him?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(with confidence)

"Ha! I never had any intention of poisoning him, Durt!"

JOE DREAMZ:

(jumping to his feet and pointing at LES)

"Yeah...'cuz you were gonna stab him Les! I saw you slip a knife up the sleeve of your coat!" (asking the audience members seated in Seats #4 & #5 of the DLC Table and Seats #6 & #7 of the DRC Table) "You saw it, right?" (one or more should confirm this.)

LT. DURT:

"Well isn't that an interesting turn of events? (pausing) ...It

seems to be getting a little hot in here, doesn't it, Mr. Dreamz?

Why don't you take your coat off and cool down a little bit?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(with feigned confidence)

"Any particular reason, 'detective', it's not like

my father was stabbed or anything, is it?"

LT. DURT:

"Indulge me, Mr. Dreamz."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(pulling the knife out of his sleeve as he takes his coat off, still with feigned confidence)

"Sure...why not? Like I said... (putting the knife on the DAIS)

...having a knife up your sleeve isn't against the law now, is it?"

LT. DURT:

"Oh, absolutely not...."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(feeling more secure)

"So, yeah...I obviously had a knife up my sleeve...any problem with that?"

LT. DURT:

"Just consider me overly curious...as you so aptly pointed out; I'm a 'detective'. Just outta curiosity, is there any particular reason why you put it up there?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

('matter-of-factly'...feeling even more secure)

"Yeah...I noticed that it was the wrong knife, so I was gonna go into the

kitchen and swap it out...but in all the excitement, I forgot to...in case

you've forgotten...My father was SHOT! Or Poisoned! Or whatever!"

LT. DURT:

('matter-of-factly')

Alright, Mr. Dreamz...that explains it completely...I'm just curious, though...are you some kind of 'fortune teller' who knew your old man wasn't gonna live long enough to get around to cutting the cake, or were you possibly expecting it to cut itself?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(acting amused, but clearly less secure)

"...and I suppose that maybe just presenting him with his big 60th birthday

cake in front of everybody here at the party wasn't excitement enough?"

LT. DURT:

(equally 'matter-of-factly')

"Mr. Dreamz...you hardly strike me as someone who has

any kinda problems with 'public speaking'...since you're

so obviously in love with the sound of your own voice."

SHILL #5:

(calling out from seat #6 of UC Table #11)

"Maybe he was carrying the knife around for 'personal

protection'...just in case anybody else tried to say anything!"

(when he says this, the rest of the cast and the other SHILLS laugh and giggle...which will hopefully get some of the members of our audience to as well.)

LT. DURT:

(annoyed, but 'matter-of-factly')

"Okay, okay...quiet down, people...the party's over." (pausing...then

addressing the cast) "alright...you people are useless...I guess I'm

gonna need to go back to examining that 'body of evidence' over there..."

(LT. DURT goes back to the DAIS and goes back to investigating the body. He opens REX's right hand and notices that there's a diamond engagement ring sitting in it.)

"Hmmm...what have we here?" (examining the ring more closely, he reaches into his pocket, gets out a pen, and uses it to lift up the ring. The other cast members all struggle to see what it is that LT. DURT's discovered...except for NOAH COUNT, who looks away.)

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Genuinely curious.)

"What is it, Detective? What did you find?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Also genuinely curious, straining to see.)

"Yeah, Durt...what...(momentary pause)...what've you got there?"

LT. DURT:

(looking at the ring closely at eye level, mildly distracted, and half to himself.)

"Just another piece of the puzzle, Mr. Dreamz...

just another piece of the puzzle...."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"Yes...but what is it, Detective?"

LT. DURT:

"A diamond engagement ring, Mrs. Dreamz...marquis cut...approximately one carat...in a platinum setting...30 to 35 years old, judging by the style and cut...but
still in amazingly pristine condition. It's almost like it's never even been worn."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Hmmm...never? Pity...it's a beautiful ring."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(A little impatiently, but still with a hint of curiosity.)

"Okay...okay...it's a beautiful ring...it's never been worn...blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah... ...so what does it have to do with my father's murder, Durt?"

LT. DURT:

"A very good question, Mr. Dreamz...a very good question indeed...especially today."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"What do you mean 'especially today'?"

LT. DURT:

"Well...this party is to celebrate his birthday...so the fact that I found this ring in his hand implies to me that somebody intended this ring to be some kind of a 'gift' for your father...a sort of a 'symbolic' gift...and that 'somebody' was his killer."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"But why would my Rex's killer want to give him an engagement ring? What purpose would it serve for her to? That just doesn't make any sense, Detective."

LT. DURT:

"Well it doesn't make any sense to me either, Mrs. Dreamz...and I LIKE things to make sense. When I'm trying to solve a case, and things don't make sense, it gives me a bellyache...an' I'm getting a whopper of one, now! I'm talkin' the kind of bellyache that a case of Alka-Seltzer won't help...but before I'm done here... EVERYTHING is gonna make sense...THAT much I can guarantee...."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Okay, Durt...you say that it doesn't make any sense...so why would she do it? Why would my father's killer leave such an expensive ring behind as a 'gift'?"

LT. DURT:

"She?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"My father's killer. I just assumed that the ring meant that it was a jilted lover."

LT. DURT:

"Oh, it was a jilted lover, alright, Dreamz...but it wasn't a woman."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Okay, Durt...NOW what are you talking about?"

LT. DURT:

"Well...did you ever watch 'Sesame Street' when you were a kid, Dreamz? Because 'one of these things is NOT like the others'. Being a jilted lover can certainly motivate somebody to kill someone...but this engagement ring is older than you are...and in mint condition. Your parents were married for about as long as this ring has been around, so I would say that the killer was a man."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"A man who's been waiting to kill Mr. Dreamz for 30 years?? C'mon, Detective!!"

LT. DURT:

"I think that it's more likely that something happened very recently that suddenly inspired this man to want to kill Mr. Dreamz. That's why I'm not really bothering to waste time even considering the possibility that the killer was a man who was in love with MRS. Dreamz, back when she married the victim."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"And why not?"

LT. DURT:

"Because, Mrs. Dreamz, as this young lady pointed out (indicating SHARON) it just doesn't make any sense. It isn't too likely that a man is gonna wait for 30 years to kill someone. It's a LOT more logical to assume that the killer is a man who was in love with someone else who he couldn't marry because of your husband."

'M~T' DREAMZ:

"But he still would've ended up waiting 30 years to kill him, so I don't see what the difference is. 30 years for me or 30 years for somebody else is STILL 30 years."

LT. DURT:

"Very true, Mrs. Dreamz. That's why I said that something had to've happened very recently that would've made the killer decide to commit the murder NOW."

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(Curious...and not nearly as hostile as he's been so far when talking to LT. DURT.)

"Okay, Lieutenant...what do you think could've happened after 30 years that'd get my father's killer motivated enough to whack him? Especially TONIGHT?"

LT. DURT:

(With genuine sincerity in his voice.)

"That's a damn good question; Mr. Dreamz...let me examine your father's body a little more closely. There may be other clues that I haven't found yet."

(LT. DURT goes to the DAIS and examines the body again. At this point, he opens REX's mouth for the first time...and a 'live' scorpion falls out onto the table. When
he first sees the scorpion, LT. DURT yells "OH MY GOD!" in a panicky tone and VERY nervously knocks it off the table and onto the floor, and steps on it, killing it. He regains his composure before continuing.) "Okay...okay...(pausing and gathering his wits) ...the victim had a live SCORPION in his mouth... ...a LIVE (pause) SCORPION...(pausing)...THAT should explain how the killer was able to poison him at the exact moment that he wanted to...a scorpion sting to the tongue'll kill you in about half a second! The venom'll shoot to your brain and kill you faster than a bullet would. The only question that I have is who would pick such a...'creative' way to kill Mr. Dreamz. It's not exactly like you can just walk outside and find live scorpions hangin' out on the corner with their friends. In fact, they aren't even that easy to find at pet stores, since they aren't really what you'd call a 'high-demand' item....

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

("stage-quietly"...like she's talking mostly to herself.)

"Oh my God...."

LT. DURT:

"What was that? Do you have something to say?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Umm...no...I was just remembering something about scorpions is all, Detective."

LT. DURT:

"I see...anything in particular, Miss Shar-a-like?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Realizing that the scorpion in REX's mouth means that NOAH is the killer.)

"Uhhh...nothing useful, I'm sure...I was just talking about scorpions

earlier tonight...but it had nothing to do with this, I'm sure."

LT. DURT:

"Why don't you just let me be the judge of that?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Like I said...it was nothing...it was about scorpions stinging because it was their nature to sting... ...I don't even remember who I was talking about it with."

LT. DURT:

"O-o-o-o-o-okay...you were having a conversation about scorpions at a birthday party, and you don't even remember who you were talking about them with? It seems to me to be the kind of conversation that I would remember, myself."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"I'm sorry, Detective...it was a big party, and I talked to a lot of people."

LT. DURT:

(Addressing the audience)

"Okay...let's see if anybody here can help us out...who was it who was talking about scorpions tonight? Anybody??" (If there's no response at all, LT DURT says...)

"HEY!! What am I, FURNITURE here or WHAT?? YOU!!" (pointing at a member of the audience at the C Table in frustration...) "What did YOU see???"

(Hopefully someone at the table will bring up the exchange between SHARON and NOAH in Scene #9, in which he relates to her the story of the eagle and the scorpion. Ideally SOMEBODY will need to bring up the story about REX actually being SAL's father led to NOAH's fiancbreaking up with him. Our "SHILLS" will start to guide the audience in this direction.)

SHILL #4:

"It was that Hobo guy, Count! HE was the one talking about Scorpions!"

SHILL #5:

"You're right...he was talking about scorpions, and I saw him talking to a little box that he was carrying around, like it was alive or something!

SHILL #4:

"Ya know...I remember thinking how weird it was that he was talking to a box!"

(addressing the people at his own and the surrounding tables...) "I mean... you've gotta remember that too, right? (after getting a reply, addressing others) "uh...right?"

SHILL #5:

"Ya see? Did I say? Did I know?

SHILL #3:

(pointing at NOAH.)

"Yeah, I remember that too! And he had on some kinda flashy pinkie ring too..."

SHILL #2:

"You're right, he did...and I think that he was talking about being engaged to somebody a long time ago too!" (addressing the audience members seated at DRC Table/#2) "You heard him too, didn't you?"

(someone at the table should respond, and ideally go into a few details on their own.)

KAREN COMFORT:

"Ya'know...now dat you mention it...I definitely remember noticing dat ring, too! Maybe it was that engagement ring the Lieutenant found in Mr. Dreamz's hand! Check his hand and see if he's still wearing it!!"

LT. DURT:

"Okay, Mr. Count...you know the drill...will you hold up your hands please...."

(NOAH puts his hands behind his back instinctively and just stands there looking nervous, and starts to very slowly back away from LT. DURT as he does.)

LT. DURT:

(genuinely frustrated to the point of losing his temper.)

"Count! Show me your hands!!"

(NOAH is startled into putting his hands up)

LT. DURT:

(examining NOAH's hands...)

"Nope...no ring...but it sure looks like there're some pretty

clean tan lines on your pinkie from where a ring used to be..."

NOAH:

"Well, ya'know, Lieutenant...wearing a ring isn't against the Law any more

than carrying a knife is, is it? And taking one off isn't a crime, either, hmm?"

LT. DURT:

"You're, absolutely right, Mr. Count, it isn't...but what we're investigating

here is. Would you mind emptying your pockets for me, please?"

(NOAH just folds his arms in front of him and continues to stand there)

LT. DURT:

(sighing in genuine fatigue and turns NOAH around quickly)

"Okay, okay, Count...I guess we're gonna hafta do this the hard way."

(DURT starts to pat down NOAH. NOAH struggles during frisking but allows it, and DURT finds his 'scorpion box' and a single black leather glove in his jacket pocket.)

"Well lookie here, a 'scorpion-sized' box! ...and a single black leather glove... hmmm...(pausing to examine it) ...and what looks like a whole lotta little prick marks on the thumb and forefinger...like it might get when a man is putting a live scorpion in another man's mouth, perhaps? So unless so unless Michael Jackson just happened to come back from the grave to kill old Rex over there, you're looking more than a little suspicious at the moment, Mr. Count."

NOAH COUNT:

(snidely)

"...and is wearing a glove against the law now, Lieutenant?"

LT. DURT:

"No, not on its own it isn't. And where's the other glove?"

NOAH COUNT:

"I guess I must've left it at home"

LT. DURT:

"Ohhhh...Very forgetful of you...."

NOAH COUNT:

"I guess so...and is being forgetful illegal now, too?"

LT. DURT:

"Oh, no...certainly not. There won't be anything illegal going on until toxicology tests the glove and finds scorpion venom on it...and your DNA all over the inside."

NOAH COUNT:

"The only thing that'll prove is that I wore the glove at some point...how was I s'posed to know that somebody happened to use it to carry around a scorpion?"

LT. DURT:

"...and when they find your DNA all over that diamond ring I found in Mr. Dreamz hand? You know...the one that all the witnesses saw on your hand before the murder? And that ring musta cost you a small fortune, too! Of course, there are some things that you can't put a price on, aren't there, Mr. Count? Like the love that a man feels for his fianc. You can no more put a price on the value of that than you can put a price on the value of a human life. (using his thumb to indicate Rex's body) I guess I'll be taking you downtown, Mr. Count...let's go...." (taking out his handcuffs and approaching NOAH)

NOAH COUNT:

(He pushes LT. DURT back, and, grabbing JUSTIN's gun, NOAH

aims it at him...) "I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH YOU, DURT!!!"

(NOAH fires a shot at LT. DURT, who ducks, so NOAH misses him completely. LT. DURT rushes NOAH and they struggle with the gun for about 10 seconds, creating some tension and excitement before LT. DURT pushes NOAH backwards into the DAIS. NOAH aims at LT. DURT, who pulls his own gun, shooting NOAH in the left shoulder.)

NOAH COUNT:

(Gasping, he re-aims the gun at LT. DURT, preparing to fire.)

"Sorry, Durt...you can't kill me...I'm already DEAD."

LT. DURT:

"Don't be an idiot, Count. There's no way you can win!"

NOAH COUNT:

"I've known that for years, Lieutenant."

(NOAH raises the gun, points it at LT. DURT's chest, and cocks

the hammer. SAL rushes up and tries to stop him from firing)

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Noah...DON'T!!"

(SAL grabs NOAH's arms to stop him from hitting LT. DURT. They struggle with the gun for four (4) or five (5) seconds, and the gun accidentally goes off, shooting SAL in the shoulder in the process.

NOAH COUNT:

(seeing he's shot SAL , starting to tremble...)

"OH MY GOD SAL! NOOOOO!"

LT. DURT seeing NOAH's confusion, takes that opportunity to rush him, but they only struggle for about two (2) seconds as they work their way to the LEFT side of the DAIS before NOAH pushes LT. DURT backwards into the DL Table. NOAH points his gun with trembling arms, without even having his finger on the trigger, aiming at LT. DURT, whose aiming back with his own. NOAH looks at SAL, who he's already wounded, starts to cry a little bit; and looks at LT. DURT.)

NOAH COUNT:

(almost pleading with him, his arms trembling...)

"SHOOT ME, DAMMIT! JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY!!

LT. DURT:

"I'm not gonna just shoot you, Count. Your finger isn't even on the trigger."

NOAH COUNT:

(begging him...whimpering....)

"Please, Durt...PLEASE... (sniffling) ...Just put me out of my misery!"

LT. DURT:

"I'm a Police Detective, Mr. Count...I don't do 'mercy killings'."

NOAH COUNT:

(crying softly)

"Then show...(cocking pistol)...no...(takes aim)...mercy..." (closes eyes & fingers trigger)

In response, LT. DURT fires two rounds into NOAH's chest, causing him to drop the gun as he falls face down onto the DAIS. Seeing NOAH shot, SAL though wounded himself, rushes over to his body.)

"SAL" MANELLA:

"Noah!!"

NOAH COUNT:

(rolling on his right side, looking toward the audience and "Stage-Whispering")

"Sal... ...Sal...."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(rushing over to him)

"Yes, Noah...I'm right here...."

NOAH COUNT:

"Sal...Thank the Lieutenant for me...thank him for finally setting me free...."

(NOAH's eyes roll back as he dies in SAL's arms. SAL gently

lets NOAH's head down onto the DAIS and closes his eyes.)

"SAL" MANELLA:

(starting to cry)

"You poor, stupid fool! At least now you and Mom can finally be together."

(SAL starts to look angry and he picks up NOAH's gun. With his arms trembling, he aims it at LT. DURT.) "Why did you have to shoot him? Why?? He wouldn't have shot you! You know that he would've never pulled the damn trigger! YOU KNOW THAT!!"

LT. DURT:

(Holding his gun pointed at SAL, but being cool, calm, and professional.)

"I never wanted to have to kill him, Kid. I woulda been a lot happier just takin'im in and letting somebody downtown worry about what to do with him. Look...he'd shot at me before, and missed me completely...and he knew that I wasn't gonna shoot him if his finger wasn't on the trigger... ...so he put it on the trigger. Once he did, I had no choice but to shoot him...and he knew that too. It was what he wanted, Kid."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(trembling almost stops as he lowers the gun)

"So you're saying that he thought his life was over...that doesn't make any sense."

LT. DURT:

(Holstering his gun, and being cool, calm, and professional.)

"Son, he'd already gotten everything that he'd wanted out of life. You know that don't you?"

"SAL" MANELLA:

(trembling almost stops as he puts the gun on the UL corner of the DAIS.)

"What do you mean?

LT. DURT:

(Holstering his gun, and being cool, calm, professional...and actually "polite")

"He knew that with Rex Dreamz dead, he had nothing left to live for...and every man needs something to live for... ...and a man like that deserved to die on his feet, instead of just sitting on death row somewhere waiting to get the death penalty for murdering Dreamz thinking about other ways that he coulda killed him...or how he coulda done it differently...or...well... ...sum'thin' like that."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

(Coming up to SAL to comfort him as he lowers the gun.)

"I'm sorry, Sal...but the Lieutenant's right...Noah'd been living for the last 30 years just waiting for the chance to pay back Mr. Dreamz for what he'd done to him...what else would he have to live for? It'd be like Wiley Coyote finally capturing the Road Runner. What would he do? What would his 'purpose' have been?"

(LT. DURT starts handcuffing SAL.)

"SAL" MANELLA:

"I guess I never even thought of it that way."

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"And you know that he couldn't help himself, even if he'd wanted to, Sal."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(Confused.)

"He couldn't?"

SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE:

"Of course not... (pausing briefly...sadly) ...it was his nature."

"SAL" MANELLA:

(pausing)

"Maybe you're right, SHARON."

LT. DURT:

(Holstering his gun, and being cool, calm, and professional.)

"That was...'inspirational'. I'm not even gonna ask why the two of you were covering for that man, and I'm not gonna even try to figure out what all that stuff about this all being his 'nature' is supposed to mean....

(pausing, addressing everybody in the cast....)

"Alright boys and girls...it's 'round-up' time! Justin Case...Sharon

Shar-a-Like, and M-T & Les Dreamz...all of you, front and center!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Okay...you've got your killer, Durt...what could you possibly want from us now?"

LT. DURT:

"Why Mr. Dreamz! You surprise me! Didn't you know? The rest of you 'dangerous felons've won yourselves an 'all-expense paid vacation' down at 1 Police Plaza!"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

"Okay...what exactly are you talking about now, Durt?

Haven't we all been through enough already, tonight?"

LT. DURT:

(as he stars handcuffing LITTLE LES.)

"I guess that you were somehow unaware of the fact that attempted

murder is against the law, too? Or conspiracy to commit murder?"

"LITTLE LES" DREAMZ:

(while being handcuffed.)

"Okay...how exactly do you expect to prove any of that nonsense,

Sherlock? Noah Count killed him...and everybody knows it...."

LT. DURT:

"Uhhhh..." (indicating the crowd in the room...then pausing) "OK, I certainly didn't bring enough handcuffs with me for all of you people... ...let's just cuff you two 'sweethearts in crime' together." (he cuffs SHARON and LES together.)

'M~T' DREAMZ

(as he moves toward JUSTIN and her with the cuffs, she pushes JUSTIN away.)

"Don't do me any favors, Lieutenant! I'd rather eat ground up glass and

rusty razor-blades that be handcuffed to that worthless waste of flesh!"

LT. DURT:

(sighs in aggravated frustration as cuffs JUSTIN alone.

and takes a small notepad out of his trench-coat pocket....)

"Okay, people...listen up! (sighing again, reading from the pad) You all have the right to remain silent...if any of you gives up the right to remain silent, anything that you say can and will be used against you in a court of law...all of you have the right to have an attorney present during any and all questioning...and if any of you can't afford an attorney, one will be provided for you at no expense to yourself...do you all understand these rights as I've explained them to you?" (not waiting for a reply....) "Good...let's get the hell outta here!" (addressing the audience) "The only thing the rest of you need to know right now is... (while holding his badge up proudly and arrogantly) this is yet another case closed for Detective Seymour Durt, NYPD!"

(THE "BANDMASTER" plays the first eight notes of the "DRAGNET" theme. LT. DURT glares at him, he looks nervous, visibly fumbles with his computer, and stops it abruptly.)

LT. DURT:

(with a sigh of 'finality', addressing everybody else in the room...)

Okay, people...there's gonna be a coupla squad cars here any minute now with officers to take the rest of your witness statements, and a forensics team to examine the body some more. Please give them all of your co-operation. (buttoning his trench coat, he walks back to the DL side of the DAIS and 'talks' to Rex's dead body.) Hey...Happy birthday, Rex! (with a kind of a combination of a salute and a wave.) I guess turning sixty can be murder... (pausing) ...alright, people...Let's go!"

(LT. DURT begins the leading the rest of the dejected-looking cast out as

THE "BANDMASTER" plays the show's "Closing Fanfare", and it's....)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~ THE END! ~

[ Applause!! Applause!! 14 Curtain Calls!! ]

(THE "BANDMASTER" plays an accelerated instrumental version of the song: "Turning Sixty Can Be Murder" as the cast hurries back up to Areas #1, 2 & 3. The actor playing the role of REX DREAMZ stands up from behind the DAIS, bows twice, and uses a sweep of his hand to indicate the actor playing the role of JUSTIN CASE. He does the same, indicating the actress playing the role of "M~T" DREAMZ. She does the same, and indicates the actor playing the role of "SAL" MANELLA. He does the same, indicating the actor playing the role of NOAH COUNT. , who rises from DAIS, takes two bows, and uses a sweep of his hand to indicate the actor playing the role of Lt. SEYMOUR DURT. He does the same, indicating the actor and actress playing the roles of "LITTLE LES" DREAMZ and SHARON SHAR-A-LIKE. They both bow twice, and the actor playing the role of "LITTLE LES" DREAMZ indicates the actor in the audience who played the role of JOE DREAMZ, who stands and puts his hand down for the actress who played the role of KAREN COMFORT to take, which she does. She rises, and they both give two (2) slight bows of their heads and little waves. They both indicate that the people in the audience who played the other "SHILLS" should rise and be acknow-ledged, which they do, and also bow their heads twice and give little waves to the rest of the audience. The actor playing the role of "LITTLE LES" DREAMZ then indicates THE "BANDMASTER", who does the same. The entire primary cast then holds hands, bows three times as a whole...and it's time for them all to turn back into themselves, cut the cuffs, and go hang out with the other 'party guests' out in the audience!)


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