Random Nonsense - The Kitten of death

"If you don't know how to start a story, just start in the middle. Or start with a quote you just made up." - me

Friedrich Meier woke up. Because he heard some noise from the kitchen.
Wanting to investigate the source of the noise, he walks to his kitchen and sees that his refrigerator was emptied by Friedrich Meier's recently bought cute little kitten.
She ate everything in his refrigerator, even the vegetables.
In Friedrich Meier's anger, Friedrich Meier did not yet notice the pieces of paper on the ground.
The cute little kitten of death has shredded all his money, ate his cards and drank all his water.
Friedrich Meier now does not have access to food, water and money.
The cute little kitten of death says with a deep manly voice: "I will Starve you to death!".

And then the reader died of reading my horrible and weird text.
The person closest to you (in space, not relation) finds you and starts reading this text out of curiosity and also dies! Now I am a wanted criminal, and I am now forced into hiding, the admins deleted my story, because it caused 13.69 deaths.
What Is going on?

Maybe I should stick to writing nonsense I am more satisfied with the second part of this story, than the first.