This poem is about the loss of my baby. Another therapy assignment for grief processing. |
Hands caress the curves of my body Mouth licks and sucks the skin Heat and passion consume you And the throbbing of muscles tingle within The sweat running down your skin The feel and rhythm sets in As you both give in to the pleasure Heart beats faster and pressure builds The in and out of the motion Hits spots that release pure joy Who knew that this act of ecstasy Would lead to a new creation The slip of a condom and the release of a load Brought the idea of a baby into the fold Not what was wanted but to late now Lots of discussions about how to take control The lines are pink with a plus sign so bold It is for sure now That a baby is growing Even if you don't want it to The panic and fear is heard in your voice As you have to tell him your pregnant And it is definitely yours So don't even try to fight The shock would wear off and joy sets in As you start to realize that your heart beats for two You know that it is growing And your body changes course Excitement is hard not to have When you think of this little bundle of joy It is nestled inside you So you can keep it safe But after 12 weeks you notice a change Pain hits you and you see the spots of blood Told that it is normal It is just your baby growing bigger You stop to worry and think it is alright Then while out to dinner the pain hits your side You try to breathe through it So no one will see that your gritting your teeth You excuse yourself and go to the check Then you notice that more than a spot of blood is there You place a pad and hope for the best Because you have to get home fast You live the party and travel by car To make it home without stressing and thinking to hard You get to your home and notice the blood is thick So you undress and sit in the tub to ease the pain You start to contract and you already know the truth You are losing the baby that means so much to you Tears fall down and pain soon consumes your soul Look and the water and see the blood flows You passed that fetus all alone No one to help you are to calm your soul Your body is still hurting but you clean up the mess Then crawl into bed and cry yourself to sleep Now you have to tell the world that there is no baby inside Then listen to all the things people said you could have done during this time Maybe if you were smaller in size you could have managed to safe this new life Maybe if you rested more or if you managed less stress This things make no difference when I am upset People use words to kick you when your down They are not helpful when you feel dead inside Only give unwanted advice Your mind plays the what if game Day in and day out you try and change the outcome You cut a little more of your heart And you crying is uncontrolled. No one deserves this The pain is a lot to bear You lost your child Before it even had a real life With this loss More just kept coming Because now the one you love Just leaves you too Says he could not process this loss But last time I check I did all the work I felt the pain and lost the blood I was the one now empty and sore You create memories of a child never born But because they were a part of you The connection is so strong You will never forget them Over time the date July 6th a trigger It was the day you should have been born But instead November is the month of your demise So much sadness for something so small Always my little peanut That is what you were called. Lost you 4 days before being able to here your heartbeat I guess that was what helped me be strong Not hearing you in me Was a real gift Because it did not make it reality But left you a dream |