Grief over Mamma

Broken Shattered, Dying on the floor
Lost hope, faith is gone, all you is pain galore
Explosions in your mind, bombs to the heart
Drowning in your tear, you don;t want to live anymore

Slivers of your heart bury in the past
Memories of things you thought would last
Damaged goods is what they call you
Washed up, used, and worthless to the world

Breathing is shallow and you can barely gasp
Flashes of your past are hand around your throat
Squeezing harder until you can't even choke
Voices telling you to close your eyes

Pain is the devil it really does you in
Darkness is all you start to see
No more beauty no more soul
Just a cold body on the floor

Life comes with no instructions
It plays by no rules
Over time it beats you down
And you lose control to the darkness

Mind plays tricks every step of the way
Tells you that your never good enough to be here anyway
Whispers lies into your ears, sings about all your fears
Never rests, never tells a single truth, just breaks you

You left me with broken pieces
You lied to me from the start
Telling your youngest child that we will never part
So many first times never to be seen
It is unfair and is just mean

No more kisses on the forehead
No more late night talks
No more life lessons
Since now your gone

Six feet under and dead to the world
Lays the body of my mother
The reason I am on this earth
Gone but never forgotten

Your memory haunts me and the pain is just to strong
I see you in mirror when I look at my face
I hear you in my voice and feel you in my sleep
Always around me but it is just a memory not reality

I have been lost for over 10 years
Broken and longing to have you hug me near
Many tears cried and lots of anger too
This is the most painful thing I have ever been through

I watched you take your last breath as you lay on the floor
I saw your body go limp and your eyes close for good
Watching them put the sheet on your face tore me in two
To know you would not be coming back to us soon

This event has traumatized me for life
It has left me broken
I know that we argued and fought
But your still my mamma, my one real friend

All the emptiness left by you
Has scared me, Shattered me, and shook my world around
No I hear voices instead of actually talking to you
I tell my life to a tombstone that does not talk back

Each day with out you is harder than the first
Yet somehow I slowly seem to make it through
Seeing other women share things with this mom's is hard
Because only in my dreams are you still alive and going strong

I have to keep my head up and stay strong
You taught me to hide me feelings but without you to tell me secrets to
The emotions over flow
Drowning me daily and making the noise in my head grow

Living in my head is a crazy ride
It is really not that fun
My mind plays tricks on me you see
It sees you as here and I know your gone