Three Pills

It takes three pills in the morning to change my entire worldview. Antidepressant, anti anxiety, and mood stabilizer. Then it takes gummies and vitamins to make even more of a difference. However, the one drug I miss is Apathy. Apathy was my best friend; she saw me through most of high school and early college, through drinking problems and depression, through lost friends and toxic lovers, through sexual assault and more. Yet I stabbed Apathy in the back with three pills, and decided Emotion was more my style; Yet emotion treats me terribly these days, and Apathy still waits for me. I wonder if Apathy misses me as much as I do her. I listened when everyone said she was bad for me, but frankly Emotion hurts me worse then apathy ever did, and has caused me to lose what little sanity I had left. Sanity is a fickle thing- a rose sensitive to the wrong kind of water, the kind that will wilt if given too much clear rain. Too much distress and I wilt as said rose, too much peace and I’ll drown. What a sensitive and frustrating thing my sanity is, and how upsetting is the list of never ending medication. Apathy meant no pills and fine cuts, blood staining my legs like webs of crimson, and Emotion is hair tearing anger and woe. One was more beautiful in its agony. So far the other? The other is just irritating.