Kayla's Foot Diary #7 - Entries 53 to 58

*Updated April 2023 - editing the Kayla Uni arc. Diaries 8 to 10 will be re-uploaded after they're updated!*

Previously: Foot Diary #6 - Theo Cracking? Unfair Chores. Ian's Death. Dumped. Ross And Charlotte.  


Entry 53: 5th September 2003

Dear Diary,

So much fucking crap is going through my head right now. I'm a little bit hungover but like the last few times I've drank alcohol, I don't actually seem to get all that affected by it. Anyway, that's the least of my worries. I'm writing like I'm thinking out loud to make sense of it all. As painful as it is to do, I know that I have to. I'll feel better for it, hopefully. OK, here goes...

The party last night was awful. Just fucking awful. Mostly because of Charlotte but some other things happened too.

Before the party, things were good. Really good, actually. I was round at Ben's - his Mum was giving me a lift and I couldn't quite bring it to admit I needed to save money and avoid getting a taxi, without Ross around to chauffeur me. So, I was doing my makeup in Ben's bedroom while he.... well, you know by now, he was obviously giving me a lovely foot massage! Jess wasn't around, sadly. Sarah was meeting us there (which was for the best!). Still, it was fun and I admittedly enjoyed his Mum fussing over me, telling me how good I looked, in my dark green jumpsuit from Chanel (yes I need to be more thrifty, but I am NOT selling my clothes). This was one I'd actually picked out when shopping with Ben this summer; it was flattering feeling his eyes all over me. Ben's Mum referenced Sarah a few times on the journey. She seemed to disapprove of Sarah's 'moods' and 'drama'; reading between the lines, I could tell that the time Ben was spending with me had caused his girlfriend to be possessive and perhaps even unreasonable to him. And Ben's Mum was on my side...!

So at that stage, I was feeling upbeat. I'd pushed Theo from my mind and was determined to have some fun! Arriving to the party, Ben quickly spotted Sarah and went over to her, while she gave me an icy look. I ignored it and spotted Tammy, the girl hosting the party at her house, chatting to her. We're not friends but we got on well last time at hers and we've exchanged a few messages on MSN before.

Anyway, a drink in (Mojitos were the best thing going around), I spotted Charlotte. Again, she seemed to dominate - to own - the living room as she sprawled on the sofa, canoodling with... Ross... Yes, seeing them in person made me feel even madder than hearing from others about what a great couple they are. Worse still, Ross looked good. Yes, he seemed confident, cocky, his hair done nicely and his polo shirt showing off his muscular frame, which seemed better than it had been for a while. All of that seemed unfair, knowing how much I'd humiliated him... that this same guy was literally sniffing my socks and jerking off, just a couple of weeks ago! I waited until he moved away, not wanting to confront the pair of them together, not until I'd seen Charlotte alone, at least..

"Charlie!" I cried out in my happiest voice possible, giving her a wave across the room and walking towards her. As always, she looked stunning, her dark hair tied to one side, her face caked in several layers of foundation, her eyelashes impossibly long. Her thin nose almost recoiled as she spotted me, folding her arms as I sat next to her.

"Oh, hi, Kayla," she replied coldly, examining her long finger nails and sighing. "Ross should be back soon."

Not a great start. Still, I continued doggedly, telling her how much I missed going to the gym with her and how toned she was looking, which she merely sneered at, picking up her phone and smirking at something instead. I wasn't getting anything out of her, so I finally let loose. Blurting out at her, unable to contain my frustration, I asked what was going on - that I thought she liked me, if she was officially back with Ross...

Charlotte let out another sigh, raising an impossibly thin eyebrow. "You know what you've done with each of my boyfriends - with Ross, with Ryan..."

I feel so stupid now, pushing her into telling me how she felt. So she let at it, after I insisted she tell me. Of course, the reason she broke up with Ryan not long ago was that he'd been flirting with girls on MSN, including me! It didn't end there. She'd only decided to take me to her gym after she'd seen some of my MSN messages to and from Ryan, back from weeks ago. Instead of confronting me, she wanted to teach me a lesson. What galled her even more was that I was dating Theo anyway - I had a boyfriend but still felt the need to flirt with hers! She explained all this to me so softly, so matter-of-factly, that it was actually quite chilling. It was like realising a twist in a film, like at the end of the Sixth Sense (no spoilers, don't worry) when you feel like part of you was already conscious of the truth all along.

It got worse. Charlotte told me, with a sneer on her face, that she wasn't even that impressed with my workouts, that it was just a way in to get me to go Crossfit, so she could gain my trust. Once she was sure I was fully in her pocket, she was going to humiliate me in some way - that, to be fair, she hadn't yet decided. But she didn't even need to. Since Ian died, that made her realise that she was meant to be with Ross. That everything that had happened to sabotage her last two relationships was fully down to me. Seeing how mean and entitled I was being around Ross when I made him collect us from Crossfit just made it clearer to her - that I needed to be taught a lesson.

"So that was it..." She practically whispered in my ear while I tried not to look too aghast, nodding at Ben who had given me a questioning thumbs up as he walked past us, Ross still nowhere in sight. "When Ross called me about his Dad, I knew deep down that I still had feelings for him. We talked for ages - he told me all about what you'd been up to, with your bullshit and manipulation..."

This may have been the worst part of all. For a moment I thought she was going to mention the actual truth, but no. According to Ross, I had caught him masturbating in his room - no, apparently NOT with my socks, just to some regular, good old-fashioned porn. Apparently, his story is that I threatened to tell everyone, especially his stepmother - who would 100% ground him for the whole summer - unless he do whatever I told him. So he was forced to rub my feet, even rub my Mum's feet, do all of my chores, be my gopher chauffeur boy... All of that last part was of course true, but the reason behind it was NOT! At that point I snapped - another mistake...

"No!" I stopped her mid-sentence, causing a few surprised faces to look in our direction. I kept my voice lower, which took a real effort. "No, the truth is that Ross - your boyfriend has a foot fetish, Charlotte. He is obsessed with feet - he can't help himself he-"

The supermodel-esque girl silenced me with a prod of her sharp fingernails into my thigh, while I gasped in surprise. "He told me you would say that, so don't lie, you little bitch. Ross does not have a foot fetish - he's never been and will never be into feet.You've been trying to blackmail him for ages and you finally thought you had him, didn't you?"

I was stunned, simply stunned at my stepbrother's lies. I honestly thought I'd broken him, humiliated him so thoroughly...had he seriously managed to convince Charlotte of all of this? She went on, demanding me what proof I had about this so-called fetish. That stumped me - of course, the video was long, long gone... I hadn't needed it after all, nor any photos or videos of me dominating him since then. Since he'd willingly rubbed my feet, kissed them, licked them, I had nothing. No-one else even knew! Apart from Jen - I desperately mentioned her name, to which Charlotte rolled her eyes at, again, telling me that Ross had already mentioned what happened - that my loser friend saw him rubbing my feet, just to embarrass me. She didn't care - Charlotte didn't even know who Jen was! I thought about The Cousins but that didn't mean anything - all he'd done was be humbled by me, rub their feet and been their foot rest... There had never been anything definitive about him having a foot fetish.

"So that's it, honey," Charlotte drawled as Ross finally returned, handing Charlotte a Mojito. He gave me a brief look, averting his eyes quickly. That was something at least - he didn't have the guts to properly, fully look me in the eye. Fucking coward. Charlotte smiled at her boyfriend, wrapping an arm around one of his large biceps. "Ross is a winner and you're a loser, even though you've been blackmailing him. But not anymore, bitch. You and your Mum have nothing now. You're going to return to the trash where you belong while me and your stepbrother - we're going to be King and Queen of Loughborough Uni. Just like we were at high school..."

I couldn't even begin forming a response as Charlotte stepped up off the sofa, blowing me a kiss and winking at me before walking away with Ross, her arms draped all over him. At that point, I genuinely didn't know what to do. Everything felt numb, like I was in a maze and didn't know how to get out. I even considered calling Theo - I'd met him here at Tammy's and part of me yearned for him, for him to put his arms around me and make me feel wanted. But that was over and he was't there. Deciding to down the rest of my drink, I thought about calling for a taxi, then remembered that a) I needed to get out of that habit and b) I was at a party and deserved to have fun, despite that fucking bitch Charlotte and my prick of a stepbrother.

He had LIED. He had lied so fucking much about everything. And the very worst of it was I have NOTHING - no proof, no evidence.... only my (and Jen's - who I doubt even considers herself my friend) words. Those texts we exchanged when he stayed with his Mum briefly don't specifically state anything about him having a foot fetish. The stuff with The Cousins doesn't mean anything either, as Ross would claim that was all done at my behest. Part of me wants to find out wherever the fuck he is right now and force my feet on his face, get a satisfying confession and bask in the power that I know I still have over him. I could message him but I know that Charlotte will see it...

Anyway, back to the party... After I downed my drink, I got another mojito, adding extra rum and gulped a good amount down, leaning against the wall and trying to make sense of everything Charlotte had said. At the time, I did think briefly about finding whatever room her and Ross had slipped into, forcing my feet on my stepbrother's face and getting him to confess his obsession for my feet... But I just couldn't. Charlotte had overawed me, I have to admit. The idea of confronting or even being around her terrified me. While I was going over this in my head, Ben appeared, a drink in his hand which he clinked with mine.

I put an arm suddenly on his shoulder and pulled him towards me. I needed some reassurance, desperately. "Ben, you - you like spending time with me, don't you?"

He blinked in surprised, doing his usual stammering thing of basically telling me yes. I needed more than that, so I leaned in closer, my hand stroking against his arm. "And my feet? You really like rubbing my feet, don't you?"

At that moment, Sarah had appeared in my peripheral vision. I eased myself away, feeling awkward at her hard stare. Ben cleared his throat as he turned around to see her, quickly putting an arm around her, to which she shrugged off and stormed away at. Ben gave me an apologetic wince as he headed after her. Without anyone I knew that well around me, I slumped down in a chair, feeling sorry for myself.

Had I called it a night then, that would have been for the best.


Of course, I didn't. Ben's Mum was picking us up in a couple of hours anyway, plus I caught a second wind, after a random girl eagerly handed me a shot of something. Possibly tequila. I joined in a drinking game, similar to the one that Jess had played with me - a heads and tails thing with a coin. As always, I predicted well, giggling as others around me got more drunk, forcing them to do extra shots when they lost. Leaving the room after a bit and walking down the hallway to see if I could find Ben, I bumped into someone else.

"Oh, it's you. Hey," the guy in a stupid red baseball cap told me roughly. Ryan. "Still getting Ross to rub your feet?" He added with a smirk.

For a moment, I felt like having a go at him, blaming him for the flirty chats he'd initiated on MSN, reacting to my stories... Yet at the same time, I felt like getting back at Charlotte. It all happened quite quickly, to be fair. I suggested he get me a drink to hear some more, which he happily obliged. I told him how easy it had been to get Ross to do what I wanted, and that he Charlotte were a couple of idiots, which he seemed to like hearing. Before I knew it, we were dancing together in the living room, his hands around my waist, looking increasingly interested in me. Not caring what others thought, I suddenly grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him towards me, snogging his face off, which he happily reciprocated with. There were a few 'Woos!' and 'Whoops!' at that others around. As soon as I did it, I felt annoyed with myself. I didn't even fancy this guy. I mean, he's well-built but cocky and annoying. A meathead basically.

Of course, it was all about getting back at Charlotte. I knew she'd find out about this and I didn't care - fuck her! I put a finger on Ryan's lips, stepping back so he couldn't grind against me anymore and made the excuse of needing the loo. On the way there, I walked past a room where Ben and Sarah were, so I hovered for a few moments.

"Honey... how many times do I have to say it.... I am NOT into her!" Ben was telling his girlfriend in a pleading tone, practically on his knees as she stood over him, arms folded.

"Why is she always all over you, Ben? I'm serious - stop spending time with her, or we're DONE!" Sarah stormed out, the opposite way to me, luckily. I decided to avoid him - there was a chance that he could reject me and after everything that had already happened, I couldn't risk that!

So I ended up avoiding Ryan for the next half hour or so, spotting that girl, Sam, from school who recognised me and waved me over. She is also studying English Literature, though at another uni. I didn't see Ross or Charlotte again, except when I saw them both hurrying down the stairs, giggling together before being cheered at by a group who ushered them into a drinking game. I wasn't going to confront them in front of a crowd and - to be fair - I didn't have the stomach to confront Charlotte at all.

Just before 11pm (yes, Ben's Mum had arranged to collect the three of us, at this agreed time), I caught Ben's eye, while he was listening to Sarah. He did his best to ignore me, but I knew he'd clocked me and he gently interrupted at his girlfriend, gesturing over at me and pointing to his watch. Sarah gave me a look, her arm around Ben's waist before turning her back on me. So unnecessary! Yet at the same time I was secretly glad that she was being passively unpleasant, rather than confronting me in the brutal way that Charlotte did. Just when I went to pick up my handbag, Ryan suddenly grabbed me from behind.

"Hey, Kayla..." He said, hiccuping a little. "Where'd you go? Don't you wanna bit more of the Ry-dog?" He grinned at me, taking a big swig from his bottled beer.

I gave him a smile but knew that I really didn't. He was a big, dumb jock and I was not wanting any bit of him. "I've gotta go, see you next time!" I attempted a cheery wave but he grabbed my hand suddenly and moved it toward his crotch. I know I'm stronger than I was, despite the lack of gym time lately, but he was powerful and I couldn't stop my fingers feeling the bulge in his pants...

I hissed at him to stop, telling him that he was drunk but he just threw his head back and laughed. Taking another swig of beer, he used his other hand to start pinching my bum. It felt horrible... It wasn't seductive, just lecherous and nasty. No-one else seemed to have noticed and I didn't want to make a scene, especially when I saw Charlotte in the corner of my, arms folded and glaring at me. Still, I began firmly pulling my hand away from his crotch, preparing to give him a slap for touching me like that.

At that moment, Ben appeared. He took one look at what was happening and didn't waste a second. Before I knew it, Ryan had stumbled back, his bottle of beer smashing to the floor (which a few people 'cheered' at) as Ben forced him away, stretching an arm out to me to keep me out of harm's way.

"Enough, OK?" Ben said, not exactly sounding intimidating, but there was a look about him I'd never seen before - he looked angry. Everyone around us had gone quiet, looking between Ben and Ryan.

Ryan snorted with laughter and threw his hands up in the air. "Fucking geeks! You spilt my drink!" He said slurringly. He gave me a nasty grin and shook his head. "Fucking cock tease..."

Sarah had come into the room, looking between us while Ben stepped away from Ryan his eyes still on him, ushering the two of us away, explaining to his girlfriend quickly what happened as we quickly left Tammy's house. She seemed suspicious, especially when she'd seen Ben 'protecting' me, but before we could discuss it further, we were already in Ben's Mum's car. Of course, she asked us about our evening, to which we all replied tersely. I sat up front while Ben and Sarah sat in the backseat, holding hands.

I know. This has been a fucking big entry! As soon as I got home I pretty much passed out, beyond exhausted. I've woken up and written all of this down.

So what to do? First off, I need to message Ben. That was really chivalrous of him, stepping in like that. I know I've been harsh, not exactly singing his praises for being so hopelessly into me... but that meant a lot, even though I know I could have handled myself. I could have taken down Ryan - I just didn't want other people to be involved, which was unavoidable in the end. I'm not thinking much beyond that right now... I need to finish packing up my clothes, books, shampoos, conditioners, old teddy bears... basically my life's possessions into a few boxes. We're moving tomorrow... I can't believe it's happening to be honest!

Love,
Kayla

Entry 54: 7th September 2003

Dear Diary,

It's only just occurred to me that I'm going to be starting Bournemouth in just over a week; the start of Fresher's Week isn't actually until the 20th, but I'm going to get there a few days before. Had it not been for Ian's death, having to move house and all of that crap with Charlotte, I'd be feeling excited, confident. Now I'm not so sure.

We've moved house. From a massive 5 bedroom near-mansion to a shitty 2-bed, in what seems like a pretty rough neighbourhood. Mum's looking for a job but she hasn't had to work for years, so has a patchy CV. Still, she's only in her 40s, so it's not like she's unemployable! I think it's more the fact that she's gone from the life of luxury to a pretty humble one that really hurts. Before we moved in with Ian and Ross, those four and a year bit years ago, we lived in a better place than this. Mum had worked as a PA in a high-up business (can't remember the name) and she'd made a decent enough life for the two of us.

One of the worst things is that I'm yearning for the things I had in my previous home, which of course I took for granted at the time. The swimming pool in that massive garden... that was just amazing for me to develop my tan, while reading, having a dip in the pool. My super-king-sized bed... I could fit at least three of me in there! The enormous TV in our living room, which seemed to stretch for miles, with the luxurious double sofa and armchair set. Now, we've got a poky living room with a small TV. Our garden is more like an outdoor patio area - barely enough room for a deckchair. It's so fucking basic that I wish I'd appreciated what I had more. I've also had to have a ruthless sort out of my clothes - not that I had exactly ridiculously expensive things - it's only really more this summer that I've been buying Gucci shoes, or Chanel dresses. Before then, I dressed more simply. Still, selling some of my old Ralph Lauren sweaters, Tiffany earrings and other items have given us a bit more money, to tie us over for a bit. My room is especially small - there's room for one single bed, a bit of wardrobe space and that's it. Mum's isn't much bigger. The kitchen constitutes a couple of surfaces and we don't have space for a dishwasher.

The idea of bringing a guy round to this place - even Ben - is mortifying. If I were still dating Theo, there's no way I would bring him here and attempt to make out on our crappy little sofa or my tiny single bed. It sounds selfish and ungrateful but I can't wait to get to Bournemouth now. Even though the student digs I have are pretty much a basic room, it would be the same for all the students. This is different - I know how The Cousins and Ross will be living...

That's right. My stepbrother has made his decision - he's "officially" moving in with The Cousins. I've tried to be logical about this - they live in an even bigger place than we used to; his bedroom is probably bigger than our entire flat AND he has an en suite...

But it's so fucking unfair! He'll be going off to Loughborough soon, blessed with his bursary for his scholarship, his extra savings account... while Mum and I go from luxury to squalor. This was the same fucking guy who was masturbating while sniffing my dirty socks... and now he's "won". I can't shake Charlotte's words or smug face from my mind, which stops any idea of confronting her or Ross. The worst thing about it is I should have seen it coming. I could easily have got some insurance, back in July, of Ross hungrily licking my feet, or begging me to kiss them... I guess that I was overconfident that I had completely broken him. I got cocky.

Ben messaged earlier, asking to come over to see me today, but I don't want him to see me here - I seriously don't want his pity! It was sweet of him to help me with Ryan, but the more I've thought about that, the more I've realised I didn't need Ben. I could've handled that meathead and owe him some payback after he touched me up. Drunk or not, that was vile.

Maybe I'll see Jess - she'll cheer me up like she usually does. With Ben, it's always fun teasing him but after the stuff with Charlotte, I've questioned myself more than ever - especially after she claimed I destroyed two of her relationships. Is there truth in that? Am I just a magnet for trouble? I tried a 'normal' relationship with Theo but had to bring my feet into that. I don't know. I just know that I feel a mixture of fire and ice inside me right now, that's just waiting to come out.

Love,
Kayla

Entry 55: 10th September 2003

Dear Diary,

Well that was NOT a pleasant experience. Just thinking about Charlotte's smug (but annoying beautiful) face makes me clench my fists in anger. The nerve of her! Of them!

Yeah. Both my stepbrother and his bimbo girlfriend visited Mum and me just now. I've stormed up to my room and am writing it all down here. I wasn't even expecting them, so was wearing these crappy joggers and baggy t-shirt; Mum didn't look as well-kept as she used to either. She greeted them at the door, calling me down so I could spend some time with two of the people I least wanted to visit.

Ross said very little but looked impossibly smug, while Charlotte did virtually all of the talking, which was probably for the best as my stepbrother has never been articulate. He looked smart, dressed in a Ralph Lauren polo shirt, with chinos and new trainers. Charlotte wasted no time on insisting on a 'tour' of our new place. She was blatantly laughing in our faces, which my Mum either ignored or was too naive to notice. I could tell though - the way she smirked, raised her eyebrows... Ross didn't react anywhere near as much. Though when he caught my eye, he looked at me like I was nothing - no threat, not any more.

That really bugs me. I had this guy, snivelling and cowering at my feet just weeks ago. Now it's like none of that ever happened as he knows he's got Charlotte to protect him. He can wear a mask and convince himself that this is what he wants - and he must do so enough to ultimately make him decide to be with Charlotte. Anyway, I did my best to justify that our place was OK, but it was obvious I was kidding myself.

"Ooh, such a cosy living room!" Charlotte said, covering her mouth a little as the corners were creasing, with well-manicured nails.

Mum almost seemed happy for the distraction. I could tell she'd been crying again, before Ross and Charlotte came over - the mascara had formed this kind of gloop in the corner of her eyes. Not attractive. And certainly not MILF-esque. To think, Ross was rubbing her feet back at our old place...

Maybe I will get him back... Maybe I could get him to come over here without Charlotte, then I'd have him.

Another part of me wants nothing to do with him though. He's screwed us over, not helping us out financially or doing anything basically.Yeah, I know he had his reasons but he's still been with us - with Mum and I - for the past few years. So I'm conflicted... I'm going to Uni soon too.... just a few days now, whoop! Maybe it's better to just put it all behind me. I'll be away from this crap, have a student loan so I can actually spend money again...

Still, Charlotte is a bitch. She's just changed her username on MSN (she updates this often) to; 'Just visited the rough part of town... would not recommend.' . It's just salt to the wound! I would love to get one over her but she's intimidating, popular, seriously athletic... she made it clear to me today that she was better than me, in every conceivable way. The way she looked me up and down, her in her designer dress and heels; me in my joggers and baggy t-shirt, no makeup on... it made me feel more inferior than ever.

Things may seem crap right now but they'll get better. When I get to Bournemouth, it's a fresh start. In every way.

Love,
Kayla

Entry 56: 11th September 2003

Dear Diary,

OK, that may have been kinda stupid. But I couldn't take it anymore - I had to say something...

Charlotte had changed her MSN name to 'About to become Queen of Loughborough, get ready to bow down, bitches'... It was a minor thing but it just bugged me.

Has my stepbrother 'bowed down' and rubbed your feet yet? Wonder when he'll crack!


I sent it to her with my heart racing but I felt excited, adrenaline pouring through me. She didn't reply, not for a good half hour or so. When she did, I felt my heart beating overtime, instantly regretting what I wrote...

Why are you stalking me so much? Why is it any of your fucking business what I say or do, loser?


She wasn't done there...

And this whole foot thing... Why are you so obsessed with feet? Just because you blackmailed your stepbrother one time for a couple of weeks, makes YOU the fucking weird one. Ross doesn't like feet - he's a real man. Not like that loser Ben guy who follows you around. Back the fuck off or I will LITERALLY make you kiss MY feet, freak!


What could I say to that? I started writing something but ended up deleting it. She's too much... I can't beat her! Part of me imagined kissing Charlotte's face; that feeling of giving in and letting someone overpowering quickly felt toxic though, as it reminded me of the countless times Ross physically beat me down. No, I will NEVER give up like that again!

What she said about Ben struck a nerve. She must have mutual friends with Sarah - they have been to the same parties, including Tammy's, before, I guess. Ben himself has gone very quiet, since what happened the other morning. He even blew me off, when I asked him to come over to visit me. In a way I don't blame him, as this place Mum and I are living in is such a shit-hole. I offered to visit him, but he made some excuse about Sarah being there. They're still together - in a way, I admire him for maintaining his relationship with Sarah. Surely his nine lives will run out at some point?

I don't even know what I want with Ben. Since he 'stepped in' against Ryan at the party, his chivalry has had the opposite effect. I don't see him as heroic but actually quite cruel, the way he's stringing Sarah along, when he's clearly obsessed with me. He deserves to be tortured! I've been thinking about Theo too. Yeah, that guy! He hasn't messaged at all. Do I actually want to make a go of things, or is it just loneliness and regret speaking?

Still, I'll be starting Bournemouth soon and everything - Charlotte, Ross, Theo... all of that crap will just be a distant memory.

Love,
Kayla

Entry 57: 12th September 2003

Dear Diary,

Well, I certainly feel better about myself - thanks to Ben. Not great for him though....

I decided to visit him - as I've said, I'm never having anyone here, in this shit-hole. Plus, I was hoping to see Jess, too (little did I know she wasn't there) . Ben had been insisting we meet up before we go off to Uni so that's where I've been today. It started off pretty innocently, - usual chit-chat, even though he'd annoyed me by pretending that Jess was around when she wasn't. A blatant ploy at convincing me to come over. Anyway, Ben soon started asking about how I was after the party...

"I mean, he was so... what a total jerk. I just had to do something about it," Ben said, a pompous air about him. "Anything else with that guy, you just let me know."

"And you'll do... what exactly Ben?" My gratitude for him had dropped already and him talking like he was a knight-in-shining-armour was not helping. "I can take care of myself". Maybe he thought he was better than me, since having to move house, being humiliated by Charlotte.

Ben made it worse by giving me a patronising look before starting to explain that men are just physically more intimidating, which is why Ryan had hastily backed off from him... Something inside me snapped as I stood up, grabbing Ben roughly by the arm so he was facing me, surprise all over his face.

With two hands I pushed him hard so he stumbled and fell to the ground. Wincing, but unable to stand with my bare foot on his chest, I saw his resistance evaporate in seconds.

"Let me make something clear, Ben. I don't need you, or anyone to fight my battles. Not with Ryan, not with Ross. Not with anybody. I'm stronger than you. I'm better than you. You're beneath me..."

I was actually conscious that these last three words were a direct quote from Buffy, which had the intended affect. Ben looked crushed, broken as he closed his eyes briefly and turned his head to look away.

"Look at me. We're not done...." I felt this need to put the loser in his place. "Even though you have a girlfriend, you're still obsessed with me. It's pathetic. Now, I'll make it really simple and give you a choice - either tell me that we're genuinely friends and I'll stop hovering my bare foot over your face...." at this, I swiftly moved my sole so that it was positioned directly over his stupid face. "Or, kiss my foot. Kiss my bare foot, Ben. Kiss it like the loser you are so it's clear that we're NOT friends. And that you're just hopelessly obsessed with me. And with my feet. Your choice..."

Ben looked physically in pain. Maybe he was getting a hard-on (damn, should've checked!). His hands went up uselessly before he dropped them back down and let out a soft moan.

It really was pathetic. This guy is supposed to have a girlfriend and he could barely last ten seconds until I felt his quivering lips pucker up against my soft, bare sole. I giggled, folding my arms in triumph as his mouth pressed against the centre of my sole, feeling more empowered than I have for a while. It sounds selfish but I needed to use him for this. I also needed to establish the truth - that I couldn't truly be friends with someone so beneath me.

"So there we are. Even though you have a girlfriend, you couldn't resist. You couldn't fight for her, or for our so-called friendship." I moved my foot away, after his lips had been resting against it for a few seconds after his quick capitulation. "It's clear now. We are not friends. Your sister - she's my friend as she's on my level. If I ever need a loser to grovel at my feet, I'll let you know. Until then, enjoy university, Ben."

Ben let out a small, strangled noise as he slowly rolled to his side, not able to watch as I walked away from him.

I meant what I said - this wasn't an actual friendship. And honestly, if he wants to be a little foot bitch for me, I'll probably let him. But only when I need him. On my terms.

Love,
Kayla

Entry 58: 14th September 2003

Dear Diary,

Wow. That was unexpected! And I feel a hell of a lot better for it! Jess messaged to ask me what was going on with Ben - he'd gone off to start University early, not even saying a proper goodbye. I didn't give anything away so she pushed me into having a drink. So we did - at a place near her called The Golden Swan.

I gave her the edited version of what happened with Ben, so not to make me look too bad. She saw it from my perspective - that I wasn't comfortable being around him, knowing he had a girlfriend. I didn't specifically include the foot kissing part, but I did mention the ultimatum - that if we were to stay friends, it would have to be without him being so infatuated with me. Jess sighed and nodded at this, admitting she hoped that Sarah was going to be a fresh start for him, and that she honestly thought we could hang out without it being weird for him. She accepted that her brother was not emotionally mature enough to deal with his feelings and basically took my side over the whole thing. It didn't help him he had left suddenly without a goodbye!

We ended chatting about Bournemouth more than Ben - sorry Ben, you're not very significant in either of our lives. Jess is heading back a few days after I'll be there, but has already promised to take me out to a few different bars and clubs. In a way, that's a good thing as it means I'll be forced to make my own new friends, and not rely on her too much - awesome as she is! We'd been taking some photos on Jess's digital camera - which would come in handy later...

After a a couple of drinks, Ryan suddenly appeared. He quickly held his hands up defensively, smirking as he told me he was 'messing around' before at the party. He had overheard us talking about Bournemouth and explained he was going there too.... Just my luck! This was starting to bore me - I had no interest in Ryan, or his two mates who had sidled over. Jess looked awkward and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere else, but I quickly assured her I was OK, while Ryan smirked at us.

"Fine. You can get us each a drink," I told him suddenly, which made him startle. He recovered quickly and grinned, getting us each a red wine, assuming he'd won me over. I muttered to Jess to 'trust me', and she - with reluctance - played along.

Ryan returned with our drinks, bragging about how the 'Ry-dog always got his way in the end'. I tried not to recoil too much at that and put up with fifteen minutes of him talking utter bollocks, while his two friends unsuccessfully attempted to flirt with Jess. I was drinking quickly and Jess was keeping pace as I casually told Ryan to get us another drink. He did happily, assuming that he was in there with me. We even played some pool with him and his friends, getting another drink out of him.

He was getting increasingly cocky, telling me that it was my round next, as he'd bought the last three already. At that point, I was done and so was Jess. With a smirk, I thanked him for the drinks and that we were done for the night. He'd be welcome to buy me a drink during Freshers' Week, if I'd let him...

Ryan gaped at us as we casually strolled out. Jess and I parted at that point - she was getting a cab back to hers and I needed to be up early for the journey to Bournemouth! So crashing at hers (tempting to be in a bigger bed though - I could have actually taken Ben's room, ha!) wasn't an option.

As I stepped onto the bus, I realised I still had Jess's camera in my handbag but she'd already left. My heart then sank when Ryan suddenly appeared behind me. Without even asking to, he sat right next to me, panting from obviously having to run to catch the bus. He glared at me.

"You owe me," He leered at me, squeezing much closer to me than I'd have liked. "I, like, bought you and your mate three drinks each, yeah? And I'm getting fuck all for it!"

That's when my next idea formed. I had to put this guy in his place. Plus after that feeling of power I got from Ben, it just felt like the right thing to do. To dominate and show a man what he meant to me. I gave him a shy smile and asked him if I could make it up to him at his place tonight. He looked unbearably smug at this, which I just about stomached as exited the bus several stops later - his place apparently not far from mine at all. A 10 minute walk if that.

He snuck us in the backdoor, motioning for me to be quiet as we tiptoed up the stairs. All the while, I was planning on what to do. And it was simple really - I had to teach him a lesson.

"Take your clothes off," I told him, doing my best seductive voice. He did so eagerly, standing just in his boxers. Ryan is well-built - not as muscular as Ross but still, I couldn't fault his upper body. The tattoos were gross though. He grinned at me, standing with his hands-on-hips while I sat on his bed.

"I've been with fitter girls than you," He said, still smirking. "You're nowhere near as hot as Charlotte... but you'll do for a blowie. At Bournemouth you can be my little Uni slut."

It took some willpower not to kick him in the nuts right there and then. Instead, I crouched to slip off my boots and socks, so that I was barefoot. Ryan rolled his eyes at this. "Oh yeah, I remember in the summer when you got to Ross to rub your feet. That was fucking weird. Can't believe Charlotte took him back... Anyway, you won't see me doing that, mate - I'm a real man! And you'll get good at blowjobs in no time..."

I stood up, while he stared at me, telling me to get on my knees. I giggled softly, shaking my head, while confusion spread over his thuggish features. "I don't think so. No. I want you flat on your back..." I pulled his arms towards me and shoved him onto his bed. He let out a grunt of surprise but didn't seem to mind me taking charge. He lay down, hands folded behind his head (that reminded me of Theo, and how smug my ex also was) while I slowly hopped down onto his belly. Ryan stretched out an arm to move my head downwards to his crotch but I knocked it aside, stretching out my legs and grabbing each of his hands.

"Haha!" Ryan grinned up at me. "So, you're a dirty little bitch, are you? I thought you must be a fucking little virgin. You want me to fuck your brains out?"

I giggled again, which he seemed to quite like, then his expression changed as I lowered my feet down hard onto his face, my soles slapping hard against his cheeks. Letting out a cry of surprise, he tried to force me off him but I wasn't having any of it. I lifted my feet up and slapped them down again, hard, before punching him hard in the groin.

Ryan gasped and curled up into a ball instinctively. I continued to slam my feet - now one bare sole at a time against his stupid face. Smashing into his nose, his mouth until he stopped struggling, lying flat on his back.

"Why...?" He murmured weakly, clutching at his slightly bloodied nose as I continued to sit on him.

"Why?!" I replied incredulously. "Because you're an arrogant, disgusting piece of crap, 'Ry-dog'! You tried to touch me up at that party, you've been harassing me before that on MSN, and since - in person! You honestly thought I was going to give a pig like you a blow job? You deserve this, you arsehole!"

I stretched out both of my bare feet, smothering them all over his face while he let out grunts of resistance, which gradually turned into whimpers of surrender. I loved every moment of it, despite getting some blood on my bare soles. Smothering this caveman's face made me feel powerful and like the Kayla of earlier in the summer. Soon, his arms lay limply at the sides as he gave up and let me push my feet all over his face, while I laughed down at him like the piece of garbage he is.

"You can kiss my feet now," I told him. "As a sorry for what a bastard you've been."

He recoiled at this, with a sudden surge of strength, unbalancing me so that I rolled off him and to the side. He rolled off his bed, awkwardly dropping to the floor and gingerly rising to his feet.

"Leave now..." He told me, looking both angry and uncertain. "And I'll not tell anyone..."

I stood on his bed, shifting from foot to foot and staring down at him. "Really? You think you've got a say in this?!" I swiftly kicked him hard in his crotch, smiling with satisfaction as he crumpled to the bedroom floor, this time tears springing from his eyes from the sheer pain. He let out a small moan but couldn't form any words as I hopped down onto him, hovering my feet over his face.

It was soooo satisfying shoving my bare feet fully in his face, wiping them all over him while he merely winced and groaned in pain. I did think about making him kiss my feet for a moment but decided against it - he repulsed me so much that the idea of his lips kissing any part of me was disgusting! After a few more minutes of smothering him, I laughed while slamming each of my bare soles, hard down onto his stupid face. He just lay there and took it, clearly now deciding that all he could do was hope this was over with quickly.

"Oh, I'm looking forward to seeing you at Bournemouth, loser!" I told him, while he lay flat on his back. "Buy me drinks whenever I see you out and be a good bitch, or I'll tell everyone about this."

With that, learning my lessons from before with Ross, I pulled out Jess's camera and took several photos of my bare feet planted victoriously on his chest, his face, angling the camera so it was clearly me in the photo. Something I've learned about jerks like Ross and Ryan is you've got to have that evidence. Slimy weasels will find a way to lie and cheat their way out of the truth otherwise!

Leaving his house, I made sure to slip out the back door - the same way we entered. The TV was blaring so loud in the living room that no-one heard me - or at least, no-one saw me!

So I've written all of this up, feeling so empowered and more myself again. I've made sure to save the photos to my computer, removing them as Jess doesn't need them! I've even got a backup on a Floppy Disk (yeah, I'd been keeping one somewhere!). I'm leaving to Bournemouth fairly early (getting the train with Mum - hardly traveling in style!) so time to sleep.

Destroying Ryan has made me realise - I'm a dominator. A winner. I have a need to dominate men like Ryan to make them realise how disgusting they are. Plus, that adrenaline, that excitement. It's like nothing else. I got it from Ross when I overpowered him, then watched him crack and break to me. I've had it from Ben - even when he knew he had no chance with me, he was my willing little bitch. He could have resisted my foot and pushed me away, laughing and assuring me we were actually friends. But we were never were - and he's paid the price for that. Even with his girlfriend, Sarah, he's not content or satisfied.

I'm starting Uni with a feeling of power. I don't need any of those idiots. No, I've got fresh options to assert my power over. This journal is pretty much done so it makes sense to start a brand spanking new one to begin my Uni adventures.

Bournemouth beware - here I come!

Love,
Kayla

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