Deserve it all

My mind wanders on its own a lot. It does that when it gets bored Ever since a little kid. But lately it's been new, It's more reckless, It's more risky, It's more loud, It's more clouded, Not about others, But about my own well being, And I'm not fully sure why it's taken me this long to fully notice it. But the worst part of it all, I don't even wanna stop it. It's like my body and soul feel as, I want it, No, need it. No, that's not it. It's more like, I feel as, I have deserved this. Like it's hell sent For every sin I have made, And will make.
-leaf