Liam's Folly

Funny Friday. Final Day. You know what that means... Funny Final Friday

You and your muse are invited to the Blame on my Muse Awards Banquet. Write about the event in today's blog entry.

Author’s note: I have made a few small edits based upon a review by the magnificent Norma Jean. I truly appreciate her feedback. Edited for grammar and punctuation on 08/17/24.

Gwendolyn and Liam arrived early. They were not dressed in formal evening attire. Gwendolyn soon worried that they might be grossly underdressed. She had on a light brown leather sports jacket over a cream-colored blouse. Designer blue jeans topped the brown cowboy boots she was wearing. Liam wore his best jeans with a matching cream-colored button-down shirt. Brown square-toed boots fit right in. Together, they looked pretty darned good, Gwendolyn thought.

Scanning the room, Gwen saw there were a few of the others here before them. She saw Andre, of course. And was that Brother Nature over near the corner talking to Lilli? Annette entered from another hallway; the Basement Guy entered soon after. Except for Andre, everyone was in formal attire.

Gwendolyn elbowed Liam in the ribs. Maintaining a smile, she growled, "I thought you said this was casual?"

"That's what Andre told me," Liam replied.

"You actually listened to him?" She said as she turned and looked into his eyes.

Liam grimaced. He did not want to answer. He feared a smile would break out on his face, and the jig would be up, as his grandfather used to say.

She took his silence as an admission of guilt and turned back around. Scanning the room again, she saw Clio and Dave. Dave was decked out in a tuxedo. Clio looked... well, stunning, Gwendolyn admitted to herself.

She was wearing a long dark blue, somewhat tight evening gown with narrow bands of white going down both sides. Her shoes were dark blue leather, fronted by jeweled toes. 'Were those diamonds?' Gwendolyn thought to herself.

On her wrists, Clio wore diamond bracelets with sapphires siding each diamond. Diamond and sapphire earrings hung below her ears. A princess necklace fell from her shoulders, resting just below her collarbone. Exquisite diamond clusters flowed down the chain, supporting a large oval Sapphire, which hung in just the right place at her neckline. All of them were mounted in silver.

Jabbing Liam in the side again, she glared at Clio.

Yep, it was official: She hated Clio now more than ever. She was not only the most beautiful woman she had ever seen, but she also had an air of power and authority that was clearly visible to all who saw her. In short, she made Gwendolyn feel inadequate for the first time in her life.

"What are you frowning about, Gwen," Liam said.

"Her," Gwendolyn said curtly, nodding her head toward Clio.

"Clio?" Liam asked.

Not answering immediately, Gwendolyn turned toward him.

"Uh oh," Liam said. "I know that look. What is it now?"

Looking at him, she said, "I know you. Liam. You have something planned. What is it?"

"Did I tell you Andre named that Gecko Charlie?"

"Quit avoiding the question. Dish... now!" Gwendolyn said firmly.

"Ok, ok," Liam said.

"Andre didn't name the lizard; I did," he said. "It just seemed to fit. Andre didn't seem to mind, so it stuck."

"So, anyways, we talked a bit after leaving the Pound the other day. He is a jerk, but he has a delightfully evil streak in him that is funny, and he does not like being partnered with Andre. I had an idea, and we made a plan."

"What plan?" Gwendolyn asked. "Come on. Don't hold out on me now."

"Charlie told me the wait staff will make rounds every ten minutes. They will always follow the same pattern. See where Andre is standing right now?" Liam asked.

Seeing her nod, he went on. "Andre always stands there, watching the crowd from atop the center table. You and I will be standing near him. When the server passes him, I will pretend to trip and hit the server's tray, promptly dumping a tray full of banana daiquiris on Andre's head. I can't wait!"

"Brilliant plan," Gwendolyn replied sarcastically.

"I thought it was," Liam said, smiling.

"How about a change of plans?" Gwendolyn said.

"Like what?" Liam answered. "I thought mine was pretty good."

Leaning forward, Gwendolyn whispered into his ear.

Liam smiled and turned toward the hallway on the other side of the room. Stopping by a large ornamental plant at the hallway's entrance, he leaned forward and started talking. After a moment, Charlie came crawling up on one of the leaves.

Seeing this, Gwendolyn walked closer to the crowd of sycophants gathered around Clio and waited. Liam soon joined her.

Tilting his head to the side, he whispered, "It's all set. Charlie is circling the room. See that large potted plant over there?" Gwendolyn nodded.


"In two minutes, the waiter will walk behind Clio. Charlie will jump from the plant and land on the tray. Hopefully, the waiter will panic and drop the daiquiris on Clio without our help, but if he doesn't, I will feign a fall and knock him into Clio. Not bad, huh?"

"Not bad," she said. "Not bad at all."

"Shh," Gwendolyn suddenly hissed. "Here comes the waiter..."

Except it wasn't a waiter, it was a waitress. A relatively pretty one at that.

Liam stared. "With cleavage like that, the drinks don't have to be good," he said."

"Stop that," he said as Gwendolyn elbowed him once more. "It hurts."

"Go time," Gwendolyn whispered.

Just then, Charlie jumped out of the planter. The waitress saw him and flinched.

Charlie misjudged his landing and disappeared down the front of the waitress's blouse.

Dave pulled her out of the way using quicker reflexes than even Clio knew he had.

As the waitress spun around, she got tangled in Gwendolyn's feet and began to fall.

Losing her balance, Gwendolyn fell to her hands and knees… just in time for the tray full of banana daiquiris to spill onto the top of her head. One of the glasses even thumped her quite soundly.

Clio looked surprised. Gwendolyn didn't look up. Her head hanging, she began to cry softly.

Stepping up next to her, Liam said, "Come on, Gwen. Let's go home."

Andre stood watching from atop his table. Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, he said to no one in particular, "Brother Nature did say he wanted this to be a fun night, or did he say funny?" Taking a sip from his daiquiri. He turned around.

"Not enough rum in this stuff," he murmured, jumping off the table and heading toward the bar.

Gwendolyn rose. Hanging her head low and clinging to Liam, she started for the door.

The waitress, still a bit stunned, lay on the floor, a soft moan of pain escaping her.

Suddenly, everyone heard a muffled cry from inside her blouse. "Hey, get me outta here," screamed Charlie. "It's cramped, and I can barely breathe. I'm being squished!"

Mere moments had passed before they all heard again, "Um... On second thought, never mind. I could get used to this..."

1134 words