The First Day of August

Dear My Love

The first day of August, I met you in the classroom of an old university. I noticed your bright smile and awkward actions towards the strangers.
In the room filled with awkward silence among strangers you become a magnet attracting my eyes in each of your move, I know I am always attracted to a flower like man and it perfectly fits you. The days passed by and I already have a group of friend while you also do. That time i always wonder what it feels like to get close to you. There are a lot of questions in my mind; will my heart beat like crazy? or will I blurt out words I don’t even mean. You are always a wonder to me just like a hypothesis that is a question with an explanation but I need to find the answer by testing its outcome. I wonder how come someone so handsome and nice can be so smart at the same time. I want to approach you like the other do but my awkward and insecure self would not let me.

On the third week of august, during our college week, the event that I look forward had come. You are with my friend sharing good stories while I am getting crazy and don’t know what to do with the small space between us. I started smiling while looking at your face lighting up each time you laugh. The time pass slowly and I never noticed that i am already walking on your side. On the big yard, in front of a stage under the heat of the sun, i searched for a friend holding an umbrella, i was really nervous since you offered a shade under the umbrella. My mind went blank as our skin touches, nothing in the stage can’t compare to your bright smile up close. That day i already know it already something more than a simple crush. It might be an affection or infatuation.

On the 24th of august, the class is waiting for a short program on the conference room. I sit on the chair behind you and i did not expect that you turned around and talked to me. You ask about a game which we both play and share your stories and achievements, it’s funny cause i saw your excitement and appreciation towards the game. After that day you started to join my group of friends, you started to hang out with us on the milk tea shop near the University, thru that time i discover more about you, your birthday, hometown and many more little things that i will never forget.

The next days, you joined our group. It is really fun to be with you. As the day passes i realized that you have grown closer to my friends. You already hang out with us all the time. I noticed your passion for studying, your kind heart towards other people specially in elderly, your confidence, your worrisome actions, thru this I opened more parts of my heart to you. During that time I never know that I will fall for you faster and deeper.
On September 6, the class has to watch a movie in the conference room. I am really excited since you are next to me. When the film starts and the lights are out i try to focus o the movie but your head started to lean on my shoulder, like a scene form a cliché movie. I feel happy that time. I try not to move so you can sleep comfortably, you stayed there for a couple of minutes then you started to move more closer and lean again. I think you found your comfort since you stopped to move, i am smiling in that dark while our friends at the back giggles since they know what i felt about you. Minutes have passed you straighten on the chair and look at me and ask if i wanted to sleep. I am really dumb to reject and just lean on our friend on my side, i should have taken that opportunity. While looking at you only with the light of movie in screen, you seem more serious and focused, i saw another expression of you. I wish that moment could stop, I am so happy being close to you like that, I find warmth being beside you.

On September 8 on the day we agreed to hang out on a mall far from the university. While walking, you shared me your umbrella, i feel special to you that time since you are the only men in our group and we are 4 girls but you chose me maybe because you know i really hate being under the sunlight. On the taxi you’re on my side, while on a ride you tried to sleep and ask if I can brush your hair and I did, your soft hair feels good on my palm. I drifted in the thoughts on my mind started to become a worry. We are already friends and it will be awkward if you know my feelings so while hanging out i tried to distance myself. I felt cold and i hold on Monique for her hand to feel warm but you offered your hand and said it is really warm. I touched it and i felt the warmth that i want to hold forever.


The next day when we had a break outside laboratory, Monique suddenly asked whom you wanted to hug, I am on the door and you suddenly look at me and opened your arms and I run into that arms and hug you tight, I wished you know the happiness I felt that time, I feel like I am floating in the skies. For a moment I forget that I need to give myself a line that I should not cross.
After that i really distanced myself but still after the activity in our class, our friends decided to hang out at your dorm to celebrate your birthday earlier. We drink a bit of beer and when it rans out and they go out to buy some. In a small room the two of us are trapped on awkwardness, I noticed you are already tipsy, we discovered you’re low tolerance in holding out alcohol. I just watched you sleeping in front of me, you look like a model while your eyes softly close.

September 10, on your birthday, I am really happy for you while you shared stories that your father went home for your birthday. On our vacant we go to the mall to eat and we bought you a t-shirt that really looked great on you. I remember how we had a duet on the song "Ours" by Taylor Swift. It is a sweet song that reminds me of you. At night after our dinner, we bid goodbye and you asked for a hug and i give you with warmth and happiness and i am the only one you asked for it. I don’t want to assume but i hope that maybe i have a chance. On the way home i think of you and i am really happy that i met you.
On September 21, My birthday I am really sad that you did not come to a short class since you are on your province and want to spend time with your family. I am happy with a little greeting you sent.

On Sept. 27 we are ready for our trip to Bulacan for our joint birthday celebration, yours is 10 and mine is 21and we agreed to have a joined swimming party. On the bus i am sure the feeling that you already distancing yourself to me is really noticeable, i felt sad. When we arrived at Moniquer house, you teased me a lot and i am awkwardly hating it.
That night when its my first time to wear a swim suit and drink a lot. On a game of truth or dare i become happy and sad. They challenge me for 3 second kiss and i don’t want to do it for a challenge since it wil be my first but a part of me considered it because it’s you. You did not object or anything so i did it. I look at you closing your eyes, it is cute and you lick your lips while my face already near you, i can’t help but laugh when you stayed calm I closed my eyes and kiss you nervously, my heart happily beating vastly. That 3 second is like a fairytale but you break it as soon as you challenge our friend Karl to kiss me. It broke all of my happiness that night, it melts down all of my hope. I had my second kiss with your challenge. I am really sad during that time, when we are on the pool I really don’t to be close to you. But you keep teasing me and when we become alone on a corner part of the pool you hold my waist to pull me on the shallow part of the pool. I really got irritated and separated from you. I go to a small part of the pool and float o the water while looking at the star I remind myself not to be attached since i already know that i am just a friend, I look at the star while calming myself in thousand of feelings inside me.
We slept that night and woke up early morning; i never knew that it would be the day you really stayed away from me. We never talk after that nor be close after that.
I think you already realized my feelings and i don’t what you really feel that time.

As the sembreak is approaching, you’ve been staying away from us until you and Monique fought, you stayed away and you might not know that time i experienced the worst days in my life I failed our major subject and sadly I did my best in that class but I still failed, thinking about it still broke me into pieces. That’s when i realize that you can’t like me, all my hopes is broken that time.

I lean on to someone who cares about me, he lifts me up but never really made me happy. I keep finding you in him, i trace all of you in him, i dont know whay i did that but i still love you. Every time he does something i will think of you. I can’t feel something for him.

For 3 months we never talk.

On January, you suddenly come back to us like nothing ever happens. You started again by teasing me and irritating me but unexpectedly I got more closer to you as a friend, i get comfortable thinking that i will just be your friend and nothing more but my heart knows what i truly feel. Every time you are close my heart still beats crazily but i do pretend that i don’t have any feelings for you anymore than friend. I came to know you have a first love whom you are waiting. My heart breaks into pieces that time.

I stop my connections with that person since i already know my feelings won’t change.

I started treating you more comfortably; i get talk to you a lot more than before. I am used to by your scent, your smile, your appearance, your laugh, and your everything.

We hang out a lot times and i feel inferior towards you, maybe because you are really special.

Summer came unexpectedly; i never got to see you again. I really had a hard time being on that University, you really helped me overcome the loneliness during that time. You and our friend make that year bearable. I end up transferring to another school and I never talked to you again.

In loving someone without being loved back, there is a line we cannot cross. I can’t show you my love and affection; i can only be a friend to you. To be honest in the start i hope that maybe we can be together, that maybe there would be something more. I thought your action can mean that you treat me special because you might like me but those illusions are never been true, you are just considerate to every people around you. I find connection with you, our birthdays are close, we love and live with our grandparents, you are a light drinker so am i, we both like singers like lauv and Taylor Swift. I thought we are alike but soon i realize there are more things we differs, it is too big to be the same.

Keno, I want to thank you for being my friend. You are a really wonderful person, you are smart, naughty but kind, you have a kind heart and you are confident and handsome.
I will be supporting you as a friend, forever. You are a personification of my dream and happiness. Thank you for being a lot of my first. I hope you will find the Girl you will love since you said you want to have a child at an early age. That girl will be so lucky, since you are kind, loyal, romanticist and considerate. Good luck to your journey and be the best Chemist this world have.

Good bye my College Love.

Yours Truly,

Starlight