After Party Blues

After parties were trippy at best. Gather a bunch of fringe dwellers, drug fiends and trippers...add a multitude of mind-bending substances and concoctions. Nobody has slept for the last two or three nights. Put them all into a stranger's home, and add more drugs (usually Ecstasy or LSD). Play a loud and repetitive beat so the hypnotics gain footing. Add Nitrous Oxide and Amyl Nitrate and shazaam...one after-party.

DJ Hiccup and I found ourselves at one just like this one Sunday morning. Nothing unusual except for one thing...I saw God. I mean, he wasn't there (at the party). I had to go to him. I didn't have an appointment, but he's God..all-seeing and all-knowing, so he would have known I was coming.

I have absolutely no idea where this house was. Somewhere in the suburbs of my hometown, and it doesn't matter anyway because it's not where I was that was important, it's what I was.

Let me explain. If you want the chance to speak to your own higher being, whomever that may be, you will need...one whipped cream bottle, a box of cream bulbs, a pack of medium balloons, a bottle of Amyl Nitrate (which can be purchased from most sex shops, but if you look like a cop you have no chance) and a packet of cigarette rolling papers.

Open the bulb box, remove two and place them on a table next to the cream dispenser. Roll up one of the ciggie papers into a skinny (no tobacco please...that shit will kill you). Then dip the rolled-up paper into the Amyl bottle to about a third and drop the paper into the cream dispenser and replace the top. Place a balloon over the nozzle of the dispenser then put a bulb into the holder and dispense directly (by holding the trigger on) into the balloon (adding multiples into the dispenser will eventually cause the seal to leak). Keep adding bulbs to the mix in the same way until satisfied you will be teleported. Once you have your balloon as full as you need, place it in your mouth and breath in deeply the contents. Keep going until you either use the entire concoction or you have left the building.

Say hi for me.

You may be wondering what I was and what I saw...it's a little hard to explain but I will do my best. I saw him (God) a long way off, downwards and to my left from where myself and lots of other souls were descending, floating if you will, towards a huge loading dock (I assume receiving and not dispatch). We were all bright lights, like stars only smaller (at least I think we were smaller, it is hard to gauge size with nothing else to compare us to, only darkness and us).

I could see the reception committee, workers or whoever and they were calming the new arrivals...after all, it's not every day you find yourself in heaven. They were all gathering around him (God), cramping his style and all star-struck. I was almost there when...whooshka...I was standing in a lounge room with a bunch of people I didn't know and I was crying my eyes out. They were trying to ignore me until I told them where I had been, then they all knew why I was so upset...I didn't get to stay and say hello.