The Heart is Cruel... At Times...

Texting him was the best time of the day for her. She would wait for what felt like endless hours just for a smile to be put on her face by him, no matter how horrible her day was. Though they've never met, never heard each other's voices, it felt like they've known each other for ages. they could tell each other everything, without having to worry about how the other might think about them. She fell in love, he did too. She asked him if they could be more than friends, he agreed he felt the same way.

Throughout the relationship, she felt it like a dream come true. But, sadly, all good things must come to an end. And it did. She trusted her friends' words more than her feelings and argued. Never gave him a chance to explain his point of view. And yet, oddly, remained friends. Once she lost him, it was then she realised, through this newly profound friendship, what he was to her. Her everything.

Months pass on and still, she isn't able to move on. Close to a year since she met him, she starts regretting her decisions, and he has always forgiven her. Always. She then realised if she should portray her feelings again, but by this time, her insecurities kick in. What if he doesn't like me back? What if he thinks I'm selfish and cruel? What if he will never love me back again? What if... What if he finds someone new? She was terrified, but still, she managed to convey it.

He understood, asked what happened, and she spilt her years of insecurities and worthlessness shown to her from most of the people around her. And he listened. Her every drop of tear held so many emotions and he made sure they never went to waste. He made her happy once again. She fell for him all over again. And yet. It won't ever go back to the way it was.

We all hope for something and once we lose it, we hope for it to come back to us in on piece. But that's not always the case. Hoping is different than expecting... Though they can be misunderstood as the other. Now she lives, with just one question in her mind "What if I had made a difference between us?" She also wonders "Will I ever get over him or will I now have to deal with the consequences and accept that he will not be a part of my life that way we had dreamed of being?"