Suffocating in my own Regret

Waiting for my dealer again
“I'm leaving now” could mean anything
And that's just the start, there's more to come
Before I have what I need...this is just so dumb

Does this lifestyle bring me any joy?
Had I known before a man becomes a boy
A cure for sadness is not really a cure
When it adds to the problem, with even more to endure

When all else seems to be falling apart
To feel anything except a hollow heart
A glimmer of something that was taken away
No consolation prizes in this game I play

Now I'm in this up to my neck
Suffocating in my own regret
A fool and his worth are easily parted
Is the only way forward to join the dearly departed?

“You need help...you can't do this on your own”
Too proud to ask...too close to home
Doing exactly what I did yesterday
Afraid I won't have the final say

Ending up in a place where the memories are gone
So ironic, considering that's why I sing this song
To forget what makes my sadness so real
The greatest loss, made on the worst ever deal

“I can do this”....” I bet you can't”
“All I need to do is get a start”
Hope is not my friend right now
She dumped me...but I can do it without her anyhow

I have no intention of confessing my issues
For friends and family to break out the tissues
I got this far all on my own
Determined to make my head a drug free zone

Already my brain is coming up with excuses
Telling me this drug has many uses
But using IS the only priority
Addiction can no longer be the supreme authority

A lifetime doing the wrong thing
No one should have to notify my next of kin
Life is real, but drugs are not
The time has come for me to stop