If I scream for you, will you come home?

If I scream for you, will you come home to me?
If I yell loud enough is it you I will see?
You stand there in my dreams, long red hair, purple dress.
Yet when I wake, like countless times. I am a mess.

My body is bruised from hitting the wall
for one quick kiss would heal it all.
My nose is gushing blood like some kind of animated show
Which only reminds me of the painful fact I know.

You have a name, like any woman does.
But I will never be able to call it, simply because
I know too well you will not be here
So why is it that I am still holding you dear.

The question remains in my mind
If I scream louder, is it you I will find?
I'll scream your name till my face goes blue
Yet never will I see you!

I'll yell and cry, yet it's pointless to do so
Because this painful fact in my head will show
That no matter how mad I get, how hurt I become.
You'll never come back to me, yet this pain is never done.

The fact which hurts me so much, I cannot take.
You're not even real, merely fiction, but still to your voice I wish to wake.
"It's ok Alys I am here!
You need not fall prey to fear."

Is all I need for you to say,
Yet only in my dreams could you stay.
I pretend to be a goddess or a giantess, or even merely self confident
Anything to make myself feel powerful or precious or even something God sent.

Yet all this acting now it is such I have told.
And I confess I'm getting cold.
For your touch, that mother's love
To be sent you from high above.

I long for this, please come back to me soon.
For when I sleep under the moon,
I dream of you, at least I try
Yet I always wake to the morning sky.

I hate it so much! Why can't I have you
But in the end...I will make do.
My own fantasy, and deepest wishes hurt me
That's obvious for anyone to see.

Yet of them I cannot let go
And I fear it will begin to show.
In this poem I write from the heart
It's hardly a work of art.

Come home soon my beloved mother.
Because for you I wait for, like no other.