Pondering

What's a, "Ponder?",
I wonder as I lay here by her side.
A random thought that slips slowly through my mind.
I detest Alzheimer's and Dementia with passions that consume my soul.
I detest a god that would allow her to suffer so.
The desperate desire to slip gently into her being again,
I know it was there,
But it’s fading in the cooling hand I so desperately clutch to me,
Oh please, God,
if you are there,
I no longer feel ’Her,’
All her life destroyed by those diseases.
Pondering and lying here,
close by my love of forty years,
wanting and waiting to die too.

~ Paul