4 a.m thoughts.

It is 4:32 a.m.
I have apparently no sleep
and if you all are wondering what is up with me tonight then let me burst out.

I am stuck, stuck in between
being happy and sad
smiling and crying
my heart and brain
life and death
the start and the end
and I stuck in between
being a failure and a success;

I try thinking about my future.
I see a vision.
I see me being happy.
I see me getting all I ever wanted.
I try seeing it again and it all turns black.
And then I look back.
And I see the happy time I spent back there.
I go back and get stuck between my mistakes.
I realized it was just an illusion.
I realized happiness for me was just an illusion.

I realize, all my life I have been stuck, all my life; it was the same, all my life all that change was me, all that change was my feelings, my heart, my perspectives, my growth, but my life?

My life; gave me pain, made me cry, just was not moving on and then these thoughts stuck within me forever:)