"Rudolph the Red"

The night was long
The route was tough
Rudolph's thirsty as hell
"Hey St. Nick, get off your muff!"

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Everyone felt slutty
Even the mouse

Santa's passed out in the sled
With his bottle half gone
Snoring like an Ox
With his hand on his shlong

His wife bitched before he left
Called him a fat slob, "get outta my sight!"
He laughed well and good, like only Santa could
"Dumb bitch, always so uptight!"

So here we are
Last crack-house on the block
Its up to Rudolph to fill
Each and every stinkin sock

Using Santa's magic dust
He freezes all in place
Grabbing Santa's bag
He kicks down the fucking door with haste

There on the couch
The daughter and her bo
Going at it full steam
Smiling, Rudolph walks up slow

Thirsty as all hell
He takes several long licks
Glancing to the side he sees
Some cocaine cut like sticks

Ya.. that's what he needed
Without pause, he makes em gone
His mind now prim and proper
He's in the mood for good deeds wrong

With a twitch of his nose
Making this union a final match
He calls upon Santa's magic dust
Ensuring a new baby is hatched

He finds her stocking
Hanging with the rest
He fills it with pacifiers
Laughing with true zest

He grabs the remaining 8-ball
Left on the table
Ties it up good
For the son, so unstable

Up the stairs he goes
To find mom and dad
He knew right away
Something had gone bad

Mom with blood on her face
And tears in her eyes
This son-of-a-bitch went too far
He's gunna get a nasty surprise

Sprinkle-sprinkle, a little more dust
Out floats a pair of scissors
From Santa's bag
Sharper than a seam-ripper

Clenched within the man's hand
Timed to the tick of the clock
The moment Rudolph leaves the house
Off goes the man's cock!

Stupid ass crack-head
Soon you'll be dead!

Down the stairs, on his way out
Rudolph has one more gift
A fat dildo for mom, stuffed in her sock

Rudolph has finished his shift!