The Trap

"What the heck is that?"

"The Trap. I found it at the junk yard. The guy there asked what I needed it for when he showed me how to set it. I didn’t tell him. I can’t set it either. Can you do it?."

"So, you want to really take a bite out of him, let him bleed to death in the fireplace? That thing with huge teeth was made for a grizzly-bear. I was thinking a rope trap, a noose that could grab his foot."

"You didn't say that! You just said 'a trap' and that's what I found"

"I didn't think I had to. It's obvious that thing could really hurt him, maybe cut his foot off."

"Well, I thought his leather boots would protect him. Guess not, huh."

"No, they won't."

"How do you build a noose Trap?"

"We need rope and something to hide it under. The fireplace ashes'll hide it."

"We hide a rope? That's it?"

"No, little sister, that's not it. First we have to tie a noose, then spread it open and hide it under something and when he steps in it we pull and he's caught. You do know what a noose is, right?"

"It's something they hang people with, but they never show how to tie them."

"Never . . . what? When have you ever seen anyone hanged? Stop making crap up, Emily."

"I have too seen it! I watch all those old war films where the Nazis killed all those people, but they never show tying the knots, just them hanging there. Is Crap a swear word? I’ll tell mom."

"My god Emily, that's sick! You’re not supposed to watch those, I’ll tell. And, no, it’s not so don’t bother telling her."

"No it is not sick! I may only be eight to your ten Big Brother, but I'm just as smart as you. I'm just interested in knots. If you tell I’ll tell dad you’re watching those horror movies they think give you nightmares."

"Okay, I wont tell about the war movies, but I will about you saying you’d hurt me. Knots are a stupid thing to be interested in."

"No they're not!"

"You're not interested in knots."

"I am so and ... well ... a lot of other stuff too."

"Like what? I dare you to tell me another."

"Blood."

"Blood? Shit Emily, that's gross and disgusting."

"It's what keeps us alive and I'm interested and I'm going to tell mom you used the shit word if you don't stop picking on me. Only adults get to say it."

"Tell Mom! That's always your answer when your losing. And I’ll tell her you said it too."

I'm NOT losing, I just want to know how to tie a noose. And I only said it because you . . . Uh . . . I was saying what you said as example so you’d know what I meant. So there."

"You really want to hang Santa? That's not a very nice thing."

"Could we?"

"Could we what?"

"Hang him. I haven't gotten what I asked for for the last three years."

"What did you ask for?"

"Throwing knives . . . and a sword, I really want to learn how to throw knives and sword fight. Maybe if we string him up by his foot I can make him give me what I want. Maybe he’ll teach me swordfighting? Santa should know how to sword fight. Right? I hope I get a big one, not one of those really skinny ones."

"Jesus, Emily, you're crazy."

"I'm telling mom you used Jesus as a swear word . . . and I wouldn't call me crazy if I were you. I ... don't ... like ... it."

“I’m going to tell mom you said you’d hurt me.”

“I didn’t say that. You’re a liar!”

“Did too.”

“What’d I say?”

“I don’t like it.”

“That’s not saying I’ll hurt you!”

“Not what you said, how you said it.”

“She won’t believe you!”

“Yes she will, I turned the tape recorder on and recorded you saying it. Got you using the shit word too.”

“What! You can’t do that. The news said it was illegal to record people.”

“For like in a court. Not here. I can record what I want.”

“I wouldn’t if I were you.”

“What’ll you do? Hurt me?”

“You’ll be sorry you did it.”

“How? What'll you do? I’ll tell all your friends you cry when you have to go to bed.”

“I’LL KILL YOU IF YOU DO”

“There I got that recorded too. You are in big trouble if I play it for mom and dad.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Why not? What’ll you do, stab me with a sword you don’t have? I’m bigger than you by a lot so be careful.”

“You don’t scare me David.”

“Yes I do. Okay Emily, I don’t want to fight any more. Let’s tie the nose how I know and I’ll show you and we’ll catch him, but we won’t hang him or try to scare him. I don’t think you can scare Santa. He’s magic or something.”

“You’re right then we wouldn’t get many more presents ‘crept coal. I don’t think I like coal. What’s coal?”

“Black stuff that burns. I saw a thing on tv. You wouldn’t like it.

“Dad and mom had a fire last night so they could smooch and do kissy face stuff.”

“Moms and dads do that, it’s required or something. I heard dad tell mom one time he had to kiss her. And I didn’t really have a tape recorder, I was kidding.”

“What! I’ll get you for that. Okay let’s set this up. There’s lots of ashes. Now show me how to tie a knot. Can’t I just ask him for the knives and swords, and maybe a book on how to tie knots to hang people?”

“I wouldn't if I were you. If you piss him off he’ll never give them to you.”

“I’m going to tel . . . no I won’t. Now how do I start—.”