In Honor of Avengers Weekend

The door to the Oval Office burst open. The Avengers crashed into the room.

Donald Trump looked up from his desk. "You guys? What are you guys doing here? Shouldn't you be saving the world?"

Captain America stepped forward. "That's exactly why we're here," his eyes narrowed, "Mr. President."

The Black Widow spoke. "We know. We've always known. Infinity Wars and Endgame were just red herrings to keep you from guessing that we knew."

Trump looked around at the roomful of Avengers. "Known what?" He asked defiantly.

Captain America spoke, "It is you who has the Infinity Stones. It was never Thanos."

"You think I'm more powerful than Thanos." Trump folded his arms behind his head and sat back in his chair.

"Not powerful, exactly." Dr. Strange rubbed his temples. "Something strange happened with reality. And then it hit us. You must have the Reality Stone."

Trump sat forward, folded his hands together on the desk. "Fake News."

Black Widows face softened. She batted her eyes. "Mr. President, we know you have it. Why don't you just tell us."

Trump smiled. "You know, I never could resist a beautiful woman. Yes, I do have the Reality Stone."

The Black Widow sat on the side of his desk. "Well then, how did all this happen? How did you become President?"

Trump pointed to Loki.

The Avengers all turned to Loki, confusion on their faces.

Loki was silent for a moment as he looked from one to the other. Then he shrugged. "You had to find out sooner or later, I suppose."

Ironman looked bewildered. "What?"

"I don't understand," Black Widow said.

Thor glared at him. "Brother?"

Loki shrugged again. He bowed and swept his arm out to the side. "Loki, god of mischief at your service. Late election night I shapeshifted into Jared Kushner to make it through security. I found Trump alone in the men's room working on that mop on his head. I changed form to myself and handed it to him. Told it him what it was and that there would be more like it."

A thick vein popped out in Thor's neck. "Of course you did. You've been doing this kind of thing your entire life."

"Come on. Do you have any idea how boring it would have been had Hillary won?" Loki closed his eyes and exaggerated a pained expression. "I couldn't bear even the idea of it. This one has blessed us. Each day something new. A fresh chaos. It is so very entertaining."

Thor breathed heavy. He stepped up to Loki.

Loki didn't budge. "Admit it," he said, and leaned within inches of his brother's face, "it's been fun."

There were gasps. The expressions around the room ranged from disgust to disbelief.

The War Machine spoke. "No, it has not been fun," he shook his head in slow motion, "it has so not been fun."

Trump shrugged. "I think it's been fun."

Thor spoke. "You've been gone so much of the time? Where Loki?"

"I've been, you know, here, there. Spent some time in Russia."

Thor shook with rage.

Loki raised his hand and glanced at his fingernails. Then looked back at Thor. "Vlad was very cool."

Thor grabbed him and threw him into the wall. His eyes turned a glowing blue.

Trump spoke. "Woah there. C'mon fellows. It's not all bad. I don't have all the stones."

Thor's eyes stopped glowing blue, but he did not release Loki.

Ironman spoke. "Mr. President, do you have the Space Stone?"

A man standing off in the corner, who no one had noticed, spoke. "He does."

Ironman and the other Avengers looked at him. "Who are you and how do you know that?"

"I'm the Physician to the President. I know that because I was checking his ears one morning - you can pretty much see straight through to the other side - and I saw something glinting. I looked closer and noticed it lying on the floor of his skull. I just reached in and pulled it out and gave it to him."

Loki chuckled. "He was sleeping when I dropped it in. It was so empty in there. I couldn't resist."

"Good God," the Black Widow turned to Loki. "And the other Stones?"

"If my good brother releases me." Loki looked down to where Thor was had his shirt in his fist.

Thor glared at him for another minute, shoved him again against the wall and released him.

Loki straightened his shirt, "It was a game. Let's see, I couldn't resist planting the Mind Stone on Michelle Bachman. I told her the Lord himself wanted Trump to have it. Old crazy eyes delivered it straight to him."

Loki looked thoughtful. "What else? "Oh, I gave him the Time Stone at the beginning of the Mueller investigation. I told him it would help slow things down."

"Nice Loki, really nice," Captain Marvel's voice was flat. "What about the Soul Stone?"

"Ah, that was easy. I dropped it on Stephen Miller." Loki gave an exaggerated shiver. "That guy had no soul. Dropped right through him, fell at his feet."

Trump looked up from testing tough guy expressions in a hand held mirror. "And I just picked it up."

The War Machine looked to Trump. "Okay, where are all these Stones now? Before they're used to end humanity as we know it."

"Oh please, I was never going to let that happen," Loki said. "You're forgetting one of the Stones, aren't you?"

Nebula, had been sitting quietly. Realization settled on her face. "The Power Stone."

"Very good, Nebula. I placed it in safe hands. As long as this person lives, Trump cannot have the Power Stone. She holds it deep within her, near her heart."

There was a knock at the door. Loki looked mischievous. With a grand gesture Loki swept open the door. A tiny, frail old woman in black robes stood in the door."

"Ruth Bader Ginsburg?" Bruce Banner looked stricken. "You hold the survival of the world..."

RBG shot him a look, "You were saying?"

Bruce Banner bit his lips. "In the hands of this very strong woman. Clearly."

Loki smiled. "Uncertainty spices things up. Besides, that's not all I gave her. Show them RBG."

She pulled up the robe on her right arm to reveal the Infinity Gauntlet.

Trump jumped up and headed for her. Loki blocked his path. "As long as she lives, you can get neither from her."

Banner turned quickly to Trump, "Where are the other Infinity Stones?"

"I don't have to tell you anything."

Banner's left forearm turned green.

"I won't be intimidated. I'm this close. This close to ruling the world. And wiping out Mexicans. And Muslims. And Jim Acosta."

Banner growled and began writhing and growling and turning greener.

"Okay, okay, he walked back to his desk and pulled out a large McDonalds bag. He carefully removed what appeared to be five Big Mac Boxes. He laid them on his desk.

Banner howled.

"No," Trump shouted, "look," he slowly, sadly, opened them one by one. Inside each was not a Big Mac but a different colored, glowing Stone, "they're all here." He pushed them toward the Avengers.

"All I ever really wanted was money, women, and golf." He pointed to Loki. "You ruined everything."

"Cheer up, Mr. President," who knows what I have planned for 2020.