The Starboard Side

“Hi, mom. Did you get my clothes?”

“Hi, didn’t expect you this early. Theres a letter for you on the hall table.”

“Thanks. I still have some packing to do. I can’t wait for us to get going.

“Well, you be careful on your honeymoon. I’ve never liked boats.”

“It’s a ‘Ship,’ mom, not a boat.”

“Same thing.”

“Stewart’s a navy officer and says it’s only a boat if it can be lifted aboard a ship. Except submarines, they’re always called boats.”

“Well, I guess he’d know. Have fun, and don’t fall off.”

“You fall overboard, not off a ship.”

“Another Stewartism?”

“Yeah, he’s funny about words.”

“I know, he corrected me when I said the right side. It’s star ... something weird.”

“Starboard.”

“That’s it. Is that the side you see stars from?”

“No, mom, Stew says long ago they steered the ship from that side. The other is the Port side.”

“Way to complex. Left and right are perfectly good words.”

“Okay, mom. Did you pick up my clothes? I’m going to need them, they serve formal dinners on the ship and we’ll get to sit at the captains table.”

“I thought Stewart was a captain, your father, god rest his soul, was a captain in the army and he had the same metal things on his shoulders.”

“They’re called bars and in the navy those mean lieutenant. A captain has a gold eagle.”

“Too confusing. You owe me 35 dollars too.”

“Why?”

I got caught in a speed trap on the way home from picking up your clothes.”

“... Okay, mom, I’ll pay, this time. You’ve got to slow down.”

“I was in a hurry. Dottie was coming for coffee.”

“So, Dottie’s coffee is costing me 35 bucks? Make her pay.”

“But, she’s a friend.”

“I’m your daughter.”

“But...”